I placed my hands on her bare shoulders. “You did what you had to do, Kat.”
“No. You don’t understand. I didn’t care. And I should care about these kinds of things.” She laughed hoarsely. “Oh God…”
Pain, as real and as potent as any, slammed into me. “Kat—”
“What’s wrong with me? Something is wrong with me. I could’ve just disarmed him and stopped him. I didn’t have to—”
“Kat, he tried to kill you. He shot you. You acted out of self-defense.”
She shook her head, and then she broke. The pain and horror of what she had faced, what she had to do, was etched into her face, and it filled every tear that fell. I made a sound in the back of my throat as I pulled her into my arms, keeping the blankets and all. The tears continued to come as I rocked her, holding her so close.
Kat started to pull free, but I held her. “I’m a monster,” she said. “I’m like Blake.”
The words cut through me. “What? You are nothing like him, Kat. How can you say that?”
“But I am. Blake—he killed because he was desperate. How is what I did any different? It’s not!”
In a state of disbelief, I shook my head. “It’s not the same.”
Kat dragged in air by the lungful. “I’d do it again. I swear I would. If anyone threatened my mom or you, I would. And I knew that after everything that happened with Blake and Adam. That’s not how people react—it’s not right.”
“There’s nothing wrong with protecting those you love,” I argued. “Do you think I’ve enjoyed killing those I have? I haven’t. But I wouldn’t go back and change those things.”
She wiped at her cheeks with the backs of her hands as her shoulders shook. The tears kept coming. “Daemon, it’s different.”
“How is it?” I grasped her face, forcing her to look at me through tear-soaked lashes. “Remember when I took out those two DOD officers at the warehouse? I hated that I did that, but I had no other choice. If they reported back they saw us, it was all over, and I wasn’t going to let them take you.” I chased the tears from her face, catching her gaze when she tried to look away. “And I hated what I have done—I hated every time I’ve taken a life, Arum or human, but sometimes, there is no other choice. You don’t accept it. You don’t become okay with it, but you do come to understand it.”
She grasped my wrists. “But what…what if I was okay with it?”
“You’re not okay with it, Kat.” How could she not see how incredibly not okay with it all she was? “I know you’re not.”
“How can you be so sure?” she whispered.
I smiled a little. “I know you’re good inside. You’re warmth and light and everything I don’t deserve, but you—you believe that I deserve you. Knowing all that I have done in my past to other people and to you, you still believe I deserve you.”
“I—”
“And that’s because you’re good inside—you’ve always been and will be.” I slipped my hands down to her shoulders. “There is nothing you can say or do that will change that. So grieve what you had to do. Mourn it, but never, ever blame yourself for things that are beyond your control. Now get the rest of that crap out of your head, because you’re so much better than that. You’re more than that.”
The tears slowed, and those stormy eyes turned soft. Still shaking, she leaned forward and pressed her lips against mine. My fingers tightened on her shoulders. Kissing her—hell, kissing her was something that I’d feared I would never experience again. I could taste her tears on her lips and a rising, heightened yearning. The kiss deepened, and it was different, so very different from all the times before.
Because there were a hundred emotions pouring into the kisses—hope for a tomorrow and for a real future, acceptance of each other, and so much pent-up longing that it threatened to swallow us whole, and damn, I wanted to be swallowed. I wanted it to drag us down.
Kat pulled back. Our eyes locked. I cupped her cheek and spoke three short words in my own language, words that were powerful but still didn’t match what I felt for her.
“What did you say?” she asked.
Smiling, I kissed her again. The moment she let go of the blanket, letting it slip to her bare hips, I faltered.
I gently guided her onto her back, and she wrapped her arms around me. Time sped up and slowed down as we kissed. There was nothing else but us in this room, experiencing what we were sharing. There was no place for anything else. The blanket was pushed aside, and her legs were curled around mine. We moved and twisted against each other. My arms shook; my hands trembled against her flushed skin as she arched her back. I explored her, paying extra attention to the faint scar so close to her heart, tracing the tiny mark with my finger, then my mouth, and finally my tongue.
Lifting my head, I pressed my cheek to hers. My voice felt raw and scratchy when I spoke. “Tell me to stop and I will.”
Instead of saying no, she looped her arms around my neck, and she tugged me back down for another scorching kiss. I settled over her, not quite touching at first. Static built between us, filling the air with electricity. She pulled me closer, sweeping her thumb over my lower lip, and then she slid her hands down to my chest. I trembled and closed my eyes.
Kat’s slightest touch could do that to me.
And then her hands were moving again, over my lower abs and down to the button on my jeans. My eyes snapped open. Heat rolled off me as I sat up, pulling her into my lap. Our hearts pounded in unison as my hands cradled her hips, tugging her as close as I could get her. Her soft moans were a symphony, a prayer, and I wanted this to last. It had to last. I laid her back down, marveled at her beauty, at the fact that she was choosing me—had chosen me.
I didn’t want to rush a moment of this.
Even as she pressed against me, her hips twisting and her nails digging into my skin, I wanted to savor every damn second. I kissed her skin, blazing a path down the column of her throat and then lower…and then lower again. I didn’t speed it up, not even when I started to lose the hold on my human form. Light flickered, fading in and out.
When I made a trail all the way back to her mouth, she whispered against my lips, and she tugged on my hair. Message received, loud and clear.
Damn, girl.
Rising off her, I shucked my pants, and I grabbed protection. Then our bodies were flush, hard against soft. Our hands were everywhere—hers and then mine. There wasn’t a part of me she didn’t touch. There wasn’t a square inch of her I didn’t familiarize myself with. I slowed it down, kissing and nipping, touching softly and holding her until neither of us wanted to wait a heartbeat longer.
I hated that moment of pain, the way her entire body tensed, and I did everything I knew, and then I got creative, to take away that pain. And I washed it away, as if it were never there, but that was nothing compared to what she did to me. She twisted me up into knots, so tight I thought I would snap apart, and she did—I did.
Our breaths slackened. Our racing hearts and pounding pulses slowed. I was shaken, blown apart and stitched back together. What we’d done, what we shared…nothing had ever felt like that. Sounded so freaking cornball, but it was true and it was so right, so damn perfect that there was that thickness in my throat again.
Dragging my hand to her cheek, I kissed her softly. “Are you okay?”
“I’m perfect.”
And then Kat yawned, right in my face.
I busted into laughter. Damn. Kat turned her cheek into her pillow, trying to hide, but I wouldn’t let her. I chased after, kissing her once more. Rolling onto my side, I pulled her with me, situating her so we were face to face.
Damn, I was full—my heart was full. “Thank you.”
“For what?”
I trailed my fingers over her arm, smiling when she shivered. “For everything.”