Thirty days … how much he has learnt and understood during those thirty days !
With what contempt he looked at all these “needy” and unfortunate people earlier ! How much arrogance and complacency was in his eyes, obscured by formal well-being. How many simple human requests he rejected, referring to a lack of time … a lack … now, seemingly, he has this time in surplus – but what sort of time ...
He even betrayed once – his close friend and the fellow worker. Wanted to earn money … has earned … And his friend got to prison for financial frauds – tried to prove, that he was a fictitious person. If only he also knew, who did that …
He has to pay for everything, he thought suddenly. For all things made. To redeem own crimes. A cruel lesson, indeed. He was, however, cruel as well.
He stood up. Looked around. He has come – has returned to his home … Not to himself, though, not to his home. He perfectly remembered what was his home for now. And nevertheless … something uncontrollably pushed him to enter this familiar front door, to feel house smells – for the last time in his life. He will not return to this building anymore.
And then, having thrown aside all cowardly and bitter thoughts, firmly pushed his fractured hand to a breast, he has moved on – started wandering to a front door of this house. The door slowly swung open and some married couple went out of the doors – probably on a walk. He made a jerk and approached the entrance.
The young girl made a wry mouth and whispered something to his beloved one’s ear. The beloved one tried to strongly seize a man with a ridiculously bent and pressed to a breast hand, moving to a front door, but that man has suddenly whispered : “Only for a minute. It’s my former home”, - and a man’s hand, almost ready to seize this nasty vagabond, has suddenly slowly dropped somehow, a flickering of understanding moved in his eyes for an instant and, having murmured “yes, certainly”, he stood aside.
… Forward and upwards – to the third floor. Here it is, close and familiar … almost native. And who might be living in his apartment for now ?
He listened. Somewhere behind a door the dog was vigorously barking, possibly meeting his master. Somewhere a child was crying. Somewhere people were swearing. And only once during all that half an hour that he was standing, having leant against a wall and remembering former life, somewhere from above a many-voiced and joyful laughter has reached his ears.
He came back a short time after. Away from his home. Or straight to it ?
The ground floor … mail boxes, similar to cast bunkers. To look in ? But who can write him ? Who ?
And still he looked into it – in a box with large and bold number “30”. The thirtieth day … the thirtieth apartment … it’s even somewhat amusing …
There was only one letter – with his initials on it. With his ! He looked at its date. Yes, it was brought 29 days ago – the apartment was still owned by him that day. He has overrun its text. At first the bewilderment, then amazement, a smile and a pain were reflected in his face. However, if somebody has accidently seen his face this instant – he would accept its expression for some sort of predatory grin.
Not trusting his own eyes, he looked through the text lines once again. Everything is correct. His mind was still serving him well. There is no mistake possible. Large letters and words “notice”, “fortune”, a name of his sister, living abroad, and a sum of one hundred thousand dollars were the last things that twisted in his consciousness that day. His legs gave away and he felt down, unconscious.
A rising sun could be seen in a building’s windows …
31.10.2010
When whirlwind comes
Oh my God, that is so exciting! At the long last I have met a girl, whom I have fallen in love with. I already started to believe more and more, that this is totally impossible, that I will never find a person, close to my spirit, in this world of yours. Tens of acquaintances - and nobody, no one, who had at least close to mine world outlook. It seemed, that hope had almost left my heart and, as far as I could remember, I even began to convince myself that, probably, such way of things is absolutely inevitable and I, whether I desire it or not, should better accept it – to reconcile with it as with something so much stronger than me.
Amazing, that’s truly amazing – the spark of hope has practically died out … and during this very instant, when I have already almost ceased to trust in possibility of a miracle - it has come true!
Lovely, nice, wonderful girl … surprisingly spiritually close to me. How did it happen that we have found each other at last? Just a few minutes back or forward - and we - knowing nothing about what we are creating, would, possibly, pass by, having never looked on each other. And we would never meet again that way … we would never meet for certain. And then I would definitely finally lose last bits of hope.
Oh, how much do I thank you, God, for hearing my prayers!
Today we were passing through a park - and a rain started pouring all of a sudden. We both have no umbrellas on hands so had to urgently search for some tree of impressive size to have a chance for a cover under its mighty crone. This just-in-time rain made both of us even more intimate.
While we have been waiting for it to finish, laughing at how funny we managed to wet through in the rain during our joint travels, we had the time to talk a lot. I truly wasn’t mistaken - this girl had views very similar to mine or, to be more precise, she has been living by them. I had no idea how to describe that sensation which has grown in me during those fifteen-twenty minutes of our conversation. Have you ever felt sometimes that you have met your second half? That you, formally knowing each other for a shortest time span, have felt each other for a whole eternity? That a man, now standing close to you, understands you from a half-word, for so similar are your thoughts and so close are consciousnesses? If you felt this even a single time in your life, you would understand those sensations and feelings of which I speak.
And then the rain has come to an end - just as suddenly as it has begun - and we have continued our way, entering crowded city streets. We have been crossing them time and again, periodically turning back and forth - up hill and down dale, for we had something so much more appealing - we enjoyed a company of each other.
Then I (protesting in spirit against rules of actions, imposed to me by a society, but wishing to make her a pleasant thing) invited her to a cinema - and she refused. She told that it would be much better to return to that park which has made our day, instead of sitting in a stuffy hall, watching silly comedies or bloody action movies.
The girl refused a cinema. According to all that stereotypes, carefully constructed in consciousness of men, that was … strange, to say the least. Yet it seemed to me as if I understood her deeply during those instants of time.
And then we indeed returned to that rainy park, by that time already dried up by the rising sun. We were sitting together with her on a park bench and chatting. Those were wonderful moments of time, and I still cannot forget them.
I have no will to forget three months of our dating. I cannot forget her shining smile, as well as her during these moments - full of joy and happiness. Never will I forget our first kiss. I won’t cease remembering all our instants of time together with each other.
For even now I dare not forget my true love. Even … now.
* * *
I met a second girl purely by accident.
This happened just in time when I have been dating with my Tatyana. We were wandering through a park that day - were crossing a street when she came out of nowhere.
When we have almost overtaken over each other, both Tatyana and the girl, going towards us, have smiled and approached each other with a greeting. It appeared that the girl we have was Larissa, Tanya’s colleague on work.