Through a haze of grief and unshed tears, though my teeth were chattering like a badly tuned engine, I managed to say, "I don't remember anything at all after Jessie's death."
"I hate for you to have to see this," Cassandra whispered, clutching her hands together so tightly her nails made bloody imprints in her skin, "But it is necessary in order for you to understand the final outcome—to believe."
Oh, I've believed I was God's biggest mistake for some time now, Cassandra, I thought as I watched Matt and former me trade blows with our adversaries. It seemed like they were everywhere, although I only counted four. They just moved so quickly it was like fighting an army.
"What," said a voice from my holographic memory, one I now recognized, "are they still alive?"
Aidyn Strait stepped into the room and we experienced a sudden ceasefire. He sneered at us, his fangs dripping with the blood of the other Helsingers. "When you killed my humans, you set me back years in my research, did you know that?" He snatched a knife from the butcher block table that stood just inside the kitchen/ living room throughway. "That makes me angry. And it's not nice to make Aidyn angry, is it children?"
The other vamps flinched at their own hidden memories and shook their heads.
One moment Aidyn was sidling towards us, the next he was a blur of motion. He dove at me, the knife he held a glittering extension of his arm.
"Jasmine!" I'd never heard such fear in Matt's voice; it squeezed at my heart. But I couldn't comfort him because I couldn't escape the blade. Unbalanced by the speed of the attack, realizing my fatal vulnerability, I felt this tremendous, oceanic regret that my life should end so soon, with so much left undone.
And then Matt was there, pushing me aside, standing where I'd stood, trying to deflect the blade, trying to defend me. I grabbed at him, attempted to reverse direction and push him out of the way. I was still innocent enough to believe the blade would pause, give me the time I needed to save him. But all my youth and all my will did nothing to slow the blade's descent. I watched it fall and wanted to be the one beneath it after all. But time ran out on me.
Both in that place and in Cassandra's living room, tears rained down my cheeks and I jerked like a marionette as Aidyn's blade pierced Matt's chest. He crumpled to the floor, pulling my whole world with him. An abyss of grief opened beneath me, obliterating every other thought.
I kneeled over Matt, weeping uncontrollably. And Aidyn, his knife still in Matt's chest, closed in. One kick, powerfully dealt and directly on target, snapped my neck. I slumped over Matt, so obviously dead that present-day me put my hands to my chest, puzzled and amazed that I could feel my heart beating.
Every eye in the room was on me, but I couldn't tear my gaze from the tragedy that had ended life as I knew it. I shook my head. "I didn't know," I told them, "I don't remember this."
Bergman started to speak, "How—"
"It is a shame we had to kill them in a way," said holographic Aidyn. "They would have made excellent lab rats."
"We turned at least one of them." Pizza Girl had come to survey the damage. "You can experiment on her." She nudged my body with her toe. "Did you get to see this one's face when she died, Aidyn? I love to see their faces as they die."
Suddenly, like a window opening in my brain, I remembered why I'd missed Christmas. I'd been chasing Pizza Girl. In fact, I'd nailed her with the syringe Liliana had escaped. And my other long blackouts, yeah, those had been revenge trips too. During the last 14 months I'd killed every vampire in the holograph except Aidyn Strait.
Good God Almighty, if one more insight crashed into my skull today my eyes would stop spinning and just completely pop out of their sockets.
In the holograph there was no movement, no noise, and yet all the vamps jerked their heads up, looked to one corner of the kitchen ceiling as if something hovered there, threatening their very existence.
"Out," hissed Pizza Girl, "back through the front door. Move!"
They ran like scared kids, cleared out of the house so fast the curtains swirled in their wake.
"I don't see anything," said Bergman. "What did they see?"
Vayl shushed him. I felt sorry for him. Because I could see. I could see my soul rise from my body and stretch, reaching over to touch Matt's soul as it hovered in the air, seafoam green laced with dark blue, a living jewel that suddenly flew apart just like poor Charlie's had. Most of it raced out into the night. But some remained, swirled into my silver-red essence and stayed there, waiting with me, becoming part of me.
A golden light, bright as a meteor, warm as a pair of fuzzy slippers, moved from its spot in that corner of the ceiling and encompassed me, coalescing into human form. Into a man. He could've been one of David's men his bearing was so upright, so military. But he was gentle as a lover as he turned my body so my sightless eyes faced his. He laid my hands across my stomach and straightened my twisted neck. He leaned over and lay his lips on mine, passing his breath into my mouth. Then he sat back on his heels.
"What is it that you want, Jasmine?"
He watched my mouth open, heard me say, "To fight." Nodding with satisfaction, he touched the tips of his fingers to my neck and leaned in to lend me one last breath.
Chapter Twenty
I've lived through some strange moments. Once, when Granny May took me Christmas shopping, we stopped at a Hallmark store. I was idly eyeing a display of candles, trying to decide if I could weasel 25 cents out of her for a gumball when all the candles suddenly lit. I looked around and caught the eyes of a boy my age who, with a jerk of his head, put them all out again. It's certainly a novel way to meet girls and one I hope worked out for him in the end.
Another time, I was working a case that required me to partner with a coven of witches who got so irate at our target that they cursed him. Before I could actually eliminate him he stepped off the curb wrong and broke his ankle, ate a hamburger that had been left out overnight and spent a night in the hospital puking it up, found his wife cheating with his boss, and chipped most of his front tooth off when a drunken waiter got too enthusiastic with a champagne cork and let it fly into the guy's face. I think by the end he was probably grateful when an honest-to-goodness piano fell on his head.
I've met psychics and snake charmers, serial killers and geniuses. But nothing in my experience had ever come close to watching my own rebirth. I suddenly understood the supernatural meaning of weird. I'd always imagined resurrections would be quiet, sacred events. But now I thought maybe Lazarus had screamed just like holographic me did when my soul plummeted back into my body and parts that should never be broken were forced into repair.
My first deep, whooping intake of air echoed Vayl's nightly wakings in a way that made the watching me shudder. The creature who'd brought me back gave me a strange look, a mix of pride and pity that made him seem ancient. By the time I opened my eyes he was gone.
Feeling an immense sense of confusion, I struggled to focus. My first movements were so random I looked more like an infant than a professional vampire killer. A supreme effort brought me around to my hands and knees, and that's when I saw Matt. The soul behind my eyes cracked like roughly used china.
Cassandra touched the orb and the picture faded as my true collapse began. I remembered it all now. The keening, the wailing, the crawling through the blood of my team, screaming for help. Losing, losing, losing my mind. I sent her a grateful glance for sparing me the humiliation of an audience for at least that part of my journey through hell.
"I am so sorry," she said, swiping at the tears that rolled down her cheeks. She kept trying, and failing, to meet my eyes. Maybe she thought I intended to punish the messenger. And, okay, the thought had crossed my mind. Very briefly.