“So you were the baby? I bet they spoiled you.”
“Of course.” Her mouth twisted with that admission. “Maybe that’s why it took me so long to get my act together in college.”
“What do you mean?”
“I changed my major a bunch. First, I wanted to be a psychologist, then I studied art history, then creative writing, then I quit and worked for a while-for a direct-mail marketing firm, then an ad agency. I really liked advertising, so I finished up with a marketing degree. Finally.”
“You figured it out.” He was being kind.
“At twenty-four? Come on. Plus, after that I floated freelance for a while, switched jobs a bunch. My brothers just shake their heads. They were partners in their law firms by the time they were my age. Philip’s in corporate law and Robert’s a litigator.”
“Lots of people get degrees and still don’t know what they want,” Matt said. “And twenty-four is young.”
“But I wasted time and money. My parents’ money.”
“Was it a sacrifice for them?”
“You mean financially? Not really, I guess. They’re in good shape with money. They built their signage company from nothing to a factory with fifty employees. See? High achievers all around. Except for me. I’m the misfit.”
“I’m sure they don’t see you that way.”
“They don’t get me at all.” She shook her head, weary of that status, then smiled at him. “Our childhoods were so different. Which do you think was better?” she mused. “Being too indulged or too burdened?”
“It’s more a matter of fit, really, I think. If the way you’re wired and the environment you grow up in match, things go smoothly. If not, there’s friction.”
She stared at him. She’d never thought about it that way before. “So my problem is I got the wrong family?”
He laughed. “I doubt it’s ever that simple. In my case, the fit turned out to be right. I’m wired to be responsible and that’s what my family needed. Of course Ellie took over supporting our mother after I went to college. She’s wired that way, too.”
He looked out across the ocean, swinging his plastic cup from his fingertips, the movement mesmerizing.
“Did you always know what you wanted to be when you grew up?” she asked. “Were you born with a punch card in your fist?”
“Pretty much.” He gave a soundless laugh. “I built my first computer from components at fourteen. That made computer engineering an obvious major.”
“So how’d you get to SyncUp?”
“It fit my career path. I’ve chosen each job to broaden my experience and get more responsibility. I jumped at the spot at SyncUp. It’s a great company and a tremendous opportunity. Scott’s got vision.”
“Yeah. I like Scott.”
“What about SyncUp? Do you like working there?” He seemed to dig at her when he asked that, as if he expected her to say no.
“Of course. Why do you ask?”
“You stir up so much mischief, I thought you might be bored.”
Bored? The word gave her a skittering feeling, as though the bottom had dropped from her stomach. Sure, her mind wandered during meetings and follow-up details irritated her. Once she’d figured something out, she wanted to move on. But did it show as boredom? Really? Is that what Matt thought?
She had to turn that around, make it show her aptitude for a promotion. “I like a challenge, Matt,” she said. “I believe in meeting expectations and going the extra mile. Take stretch goals, for example. I believe in them. If you want to grow, you have to reach out of your comfort zone.”
He held up his hand. “Whoa. This is starting to sound like a performance review. I’m asking as a friend, not as your boss.”
“Oh. Sure. As a friend.” Or a lover? They’d been lovers, after all. Which gave her a delicious thrill. It was so wild, so amazing. She’d slept with Matt Rockwell. It was hard to believe and, in a secret part of herself, she celebrated it.
The rest of her knew it was a mistake she had to forget.
As dusk gathered around them, though, she became more aware of details about Matt-the way he breathed and moved, the way his tan deepened as the light faded. He picked up a piece of driftwood and flung it into the sunset-silvered water and she liked the tensing of his muscles, his follow-through and the way he watched for the stick to land, then smiled.
Dusk seemed like a curtain drawing around them, making her want to tuck into the cave of his body, tip up her chin for a kiss. Let the darkening sky blanket them, cozy and intimate, after a long day spent in each other’s company.
She realized she rarely spent entire days with a guy. They did movies, clubs, maybe a hike up Squaw Peak or a long mountain-bike ride. Sex, of course, sometimes with breakfast the next morning. But never more than a few hours at a time.
For hanging out, she preferred her friends-Ellie and Sara, when she could pry them away from work, and a couple of girlfriends from college. But she could see now that a steady guy, a regular relationship, had its rewards.
“You know, I’ve hardly thought of work at all,” Matt said, his tone as wistful as her thoughts.
“That’s good, isn’t it? It’s your vacation, after all.”
“I suppose. I do have a crucial project next week that I should spend some time on while I’m here.”
“Really? Can I help?”
His eyes shuttered away from her. “It’s management stuff.”
It was probably the teams. “I’d be happy to be a sounding board. I’m a good listener.”
“Thanks, but I’d better handle it on my own.”
“Do you like being a manager?” she asked.
“Yeah,” he said, nodding thoughtfully. “Well, I did until the PQ2 came along.” He laughed, then sipped his wine. “The people stuff intimidates me, but I’ll figure it out.”
“I’m sure you will.”
“You’re helping me with that,” he said, looking at her.
“I’m glad.” She held his gaze. And you can help me, she thought. Make me a team leader. It would be so easy to say it here at the shore, buzzed from wine, enjoying each other’s company, sharing their histories, peeking at each other’s inner selves. Matt liked her, would want to help her. Why not just come right out with it?
She opened her mouth to do it, except Matt’s expression suddenly turned earnest. “Candy, listen, I need to apologize again for doing what I did last night. It was very irresponsible of me to act on an attraction-no matter how strong-to a colleague, especially someone I supervise.”
His paternal tone irked her. As if he were the adult and she were the child. “I was there, too, remember? It takes two.”
“But the burden is greater for me because of my status.”
“What? Are you talking about sexual harassment? Please. Like I said, I was there, too.”
“And you behaved very professionally this morning, suggesting we forget what happened. Thank you.”
At least he’d given her that much credit.
“If what I did changed our work relationship-led to favoritism on my part or resentment on yours-I couldn’t live with myself.”
“Don’t worry. It hasn’t changed anything,” she said. Except she felt an icy chill. She’d been ready to ask for the promotion, leaning on their new intimacy. What had she been thinking? She wanted the job on her own merits, not because Matt was hot for her or owed her a favor.
This was bad. Or maybe it was a natural mistake. She didn’t know. She felt as if they’d thrown personal and professional into a blender and hit pulverize.
She was confused and disoriented, as if they’d crossed an irreversible line, changed their relationship forever.
She could not allow that. They had to move on, change the subject, get past this awkwardness.
“So, what’s the proper attire for limbo?” Matt said, giving her a wry grin. He obviously wanted to change the subject, too.
“Good question. I need to change bikinis for something with more give.”
“More give?” He swallowed hard, looking at her body, then away.