He shook his head, then put his hand over hers. “You’re a wonderful person, Jane, and I wish you the very best. You deserve a guy who’ll ballroom dance with you, not one you have to drag from his computer for a movie.”
Jane’s lip trembled and her eyes filled. He would hug her, but he knew she would hate that. Jane had a lot of dignity. He sat with her, holding her hand, waiting to see what she needed to do-yell at him, insult him, even throw water in his face.
But abruptly, she seemed to get control. Her eyes cleared, her shoulders dropped and she managed a quick smile. “You’re not one to soften the blow, are you? No easing into it for Matt Rockwell.” She shook her head, as if she was laughing at herself. “Actually, I always liked that about you.”
She took her hand from him, adjusted her napkin, drank some water and, when she looked back at him, she was completely composed. “You’re right, of course,” she said steadily. “I knew we were never on fire for each other. And I want that. I do.”
“You deserve that.”
Her smile twisted. “It’s no fun to be alone. Seeing you here, I thought maybe we had enough to make it work. But we would be…settling. That’s true.” Her lip wobbled again and she reached for her water.
To give her space, Matt looked away. His gaze snagged on Candy and held.
When he looked back at Jane, she’d followed his line of sight. “You’re worried about her? She’s chattering away just fine. We have a paralegal like that. Never stops talking.” She made her hand into a yakking puppet. “Terminally bubbly.”
Anger spiked at her easy dismissal of Candy. Too many people mistook her surface liveliness for superficiality. “People underestimate Candy. She’s smart and funny-and wise, too. You have to give her time to show you.”
Jane took in a sharp breath. Her face changed, went still and cold, as if sheeted in ice. “Ah. I see.” She fiddled angrily with a tablespoon, making it clunk again and again against the linen cloth. “I don’t get it, but I see. So, she makes you happy? Is that it? Keeps you out of a rut?” Her voice cracked.
“She and I work together, Jane. It’s impossible.” And it wasn’t only work. Candy would exhaust, annoy and eventually infuriate him. Sooner rather than later. And once Fun Guy packed up his vacation duffel, the old Matt would bore the hell out of Candy. They were a dead end for certain.
“Whatever,” Jane said dismissively. She grabbed a roll and buttered it, fiercely at first. Her movements slowed, she set down her butter knife with a click and looked at him. “It doesn’t matter, I know. You and I are done. If you find someone else, good for you.” She looked over at Candy, again, as if the possibility of Matt and Candy puzzled her.
“Candy and I work together. We couldn’t ever-”
“Whatever!” She cut one hand in a stop-arguing gesture, then sighed. “If it weren’t for these damnable social events, I wouldn’t mind being alone at all.”
“I understand.” He was impressed with her ability to rise above her emotions, to analyze and conquer them so smoothly. “Listen, Jane. About the bar dinner. I’d be honored to accompany you. And I’ll pay for the tux myself.”
“If I don’t snag a date, I might take you up on that. I’ve got feelers out, though, so no worries. I don’t waste time.” She grabbed his hand. “You’re a good person, Matt. In my nobler moments, I want the best for you, too.”
They smiled at each other. He realized they’d broken up for good with no fuss at all. He felt relieved and he was sure Jane did, too.
What did it say about him that he could be involved with a woman for nearly a year without any more angst than a mild argument? Come to think of it, he’d always avoided strong feelings. His relationship with Heather had been an anomaly.
Was it because of how devastated his mother had been when their father left? She’d always been highly strung and vulnerable, but after that she seemed to crumble. Matt had had to be strong for her and Ellie.
Those terrible first months he’d handled the tasks that befuddled his mother-the wonky thermostat, the failing Pathfinder, the bills that piled up. She’d slept so much that Matt cooked meals, got groceries, cared for Ellie-quizzed her on spelling words, made sure she brushed her teeth and bathed. He’d read her bedtime stories and reassured her when she stood outside their mother’s locked door, needing a mother’s comfort.
It was then that he’d strengthened the habit of controlling his emotions, of keeping his head down to focus on the task at hand. He’d valued what made sense and avoided what didn’t-like the human heart.
His mother never really returned to normal, although she managed to make ends meet with a bookkeeping job, which meant he’d remained watchful and careful, slow to get involved, always holding back.
It wasn’t just the trauma of his father’s departure, though. It was how he was. It had felt right to be that way. As he’d told Candy, that was how he was wired.
But now he’d met Candy and his barriers were dissolving, his natural need for distance melting away. This alarmed him, but he was a realist and couldn’t ignore it.
Should he talk to Candy? Take this chance? But how could he? The situation seemed impossible. Even if he wasn’t her boss, they were as different as he and Jane were alike.
What should he do? He felt twisted into knots, his head ready to burst, his lungs so tight every breath burned. He felt as though he’d been slammed by a huge wave, tossed into a cloud of sand and sea until he didn’t know which direction to swim for air. If this was love, maybe he was better off without it.
13
KNOWING IT WOULD BE a mistake, Candy stole a glance at the table where Matt and Jane sat. Sure enough, Jane was leaning in to speak in Matt’s ear. His arm was across the back of her chair and he seemed completely at ease with her.
An old, old song started up in Candy’s head. Smile, though your heart is breaking. The lyrics promised that if you did that-smiled through heartbreak-the sun would shine through.
Yeah, right. She felt like a big old rain cloud about to unload fat drops all over the linen cloth.
This was why she never got serious with anyone. This terrible hole in her heart. This bottomless ache. She’d been smart enough to avoid it for twenty-nine years. Maybe being so indulged as a child meant she’d had no practice in disappointment, but she’d stayed clear of it anyway. She didn’t need to touch the red coil to know the stove would burn her.
This was good, what had happened. Matt and Jane were back together-they even had a date. And all thanks to Candy. She’d done the right thing. She should be proud.
Except she felt utterly bereft. It was so like her to get hooked on someone she couldn’t have-and didn’t really want. She wanted it all, spoiled child that she was. As with Brad, she wanted him to ask her to marry him, even though she’d have said no. She was doing it again, dammit.
Just when she feared she’d embarrass herself by bursting into tears in the middle of the conversation, the dessert mousse arrived and the program commenced, giving her time to regroup, listen and soothe herself with chocolate.
No point bitching about the pain. Suck it up and move on. Jane’s appearance was fate’s tap on the shoulder. Hey, you. Remember who you are and why you’re here.
She did. She remembered. And she would push forward. She’d go back to her place, finalize the marketing plan and when Matt praised her, she’d bring up the promotion. It was time. She’d fulfilled her side of their deal-given Matt a makeover, taught him networking, even repaired his love life.
Talk about a bonus! She always went the extra mile. Wasn’t that what team leaders did?
Right.
The good news was that now that Matt and Jane had reconciled, Candy had no more worries about how she and Matt would end this. It was over and done.