“Or finish proposing . . .”
I pulled her closer as she giggled through her tears.
“Picked up on that, did you?” Paige nodded as she snuggled into my chest.
“Maybe a couple of times . . .” I kissed her forehead and put my finger under her chin so she could look at me.
“I only want you. Everything else is a nice to have, but I need the woman I’ve been in love with for most of my life. I want a life with you, whatever it entails. I’m not going anywhere. I love you too much to live without you. So no more lies, okay?”
“Okay.” Paige gave me a light peck on the lips. I kissed her back as her whole body relaxed in my arms.
“I’m still really mad at you.”
She nodded. “I know.”
“You have a lot to make up to me. When you feel better we’re going to have insane, off the charts, make up sex.” Paige laughed around the oxygen filtering through her nose. I pulled her head into my chest again and rocked her back and forth. I sang All My Loving in her ear, and she collapsed in sobs before I got through even the first few lines. All my loving was for her, and it always would be. “And when I propose,” I whispered in her ear, “you’ll know.”
“Does your heartbeat still say ‘Daisy’?” Paige’s voice was scratchy and weak. Our conversation zapped all her energy.
I kissed her forehead. “It’ll say ‘Daisy’ until it stops beating.” She pressed a light kiss to my chest as her heavy breathing evened out.
“Paige, it’s time for the lumbar puncture.” Dr. Stephens walked in with two other doctors behind her and turned to face me. I expected to get scolded for lying in bed with her.
“You’ll have to wait outside. Should take about fifteen minutes. I made sure your name was on the list so you don’t have a problem coming back in.”
“Thank you.” I carefully stood from the bed and leaned in to give Paige a light peck on the lips. “I’ll be right outside, Daisy.”
“Okay. I love you, babe.” Her eyes shut as she drifted off to sleep.
“I love you, too.” I wasn’t sure if she heard me, but I took consolation that maybe now, finally, she knew.
As I strolled back into the waiting room, my stomach was in knots. Paige had enough to deal with right now; a brain infection was the last thing she needed. I was relieved she was mine again, but terrified. It was excruciating to watch the one I loved too weak to speak in a complete sentence.
Tess and John turned at the sound of my footsteps. We were the only ones in the waiting room since it was after visiting hours.
“She’s okay for now. They’re doing the lumbar puncture and we can go back in after fifteen minutes.” I plopped in a chair next to Tess and leaned my head back as I rubbed my eyes.
“Ellie said to text her. She had to go home to the baby.” I nodded and leaned forward, my elbows on my knees.
“I need to ask you both something.” I shared a look between Tess and John. They both narrowed their eyes at me.
“Once Paige comes home, I want to marry her. I’d like your permission.” Wasting time made no sense. All I wanted was to take Paige home and make her mine, permanently. The weeks we spent apart only made me that much more sure.
Tess grabbed my hand and squeezed. “Of course, you can.” She gazed back at John and laughed. “If it makes you feel better, you can say yes on Alex’s behalf.” John smirked as he shook his head at her.
“You have my permission, and you’d have my brother’s if he were here.” John put his hand on my shoulder. “Let me go call Marie and give her an update.” John squeezed my arm as he headed into the hallway.
Tess let out a long sigh. “Paige was the apple of her father’s eye. I hate that she doesn’t remember him. He was sure that she was a boy, even referred to her as Alex Junior for most of my pregnancy.” Tess laughed and shook her head. “I’d already said I wanted Paige as the name for a girl, but he was so certain, he shrugged me off. I suggested Alexandria as her middle name when she was born because I was afraid he was disappointed, but the second he saw her he was in love. This is the same hospital he died in.” She swallowed as she stared into space.
“So, from the time she was fourteen months old, I had to be mother and father. I was always tough on her, but she was too giving and trusting. Always let people get the best of her. I tried to toughen her up. And now look what I did? She was sick all that time and afraid to tell me. I practically had to force her.” Tess dropped her face to her hands as she cried. I wrapped my arm around her and rubbed her shoulder.
“Speaking as someone who lost both my parents the day I lost one, I think you’re an amazing mother. And so does Paige. She kept it from all of us because she thought she could fix herself and not worry us. You didn’t do anything but prove how much you loved your daughter every single day. You have nothing to feel bad about.” I gave her a wink. She chuckled and wrapped her arms around me.
“You’re a good son-in-law already.” I laughed as I hugged her back.
“Excuse me, ma’am. You’re Paige Taylor’s mother?” I recognized one of the doctors that came into Paige’s room with Dr. Stephens.
“Yes, how did the lumbar puncture go?”
“Dr. Stephens is still prepping for the procedure. This is a DNR form in case we need to put her on a respirator. Since you are acting as your daughter’s health care proxy, you would be the one to sign it.”
My own breathing caught in my throat as my heart pounded in my ears. “DNR? Does that mean what I think it means?”
John came back into the waiting room and put his hand on my shoulder as my blood ran cold. A doctor was asking Tess to sign a Do Not Resuscitate order for Paige.
“We’ll watch her tonight and see how she does but we need your permission in case we need to intubate. Some families are very vocal about not wanting extreme measures when a loved one is already so sick—”
The room started to spin. This couldn’t be happening. I looked up at John, silently pleading for him to tell me that I heard wrong, that Paige wasn’t sick enough for a doctor to ask Tess if they should keep her alive or not.
“John . . .” My voice quivered as shock jolted through my system. “I . . . I just got her back . . . she said she wanted to marry me. We . . . I was going to take her home . . . I can’t lose her. They can’t just let her go . . .” Tears pricked my eyelids and John wrapped his arm around me.
This wasn’t the first time John saw me breakdown. When I was seventeen, my father wound up in the hospital for alcohol poisoning after he almost killed a family with his car. The shame plus the anguish of never knowing when my father would turn up dead became too much to bear.
Just like all those years ago, John didn’t lie and say everything would be okay. He nodded, saying “I know, son. I know.”
Tess shoved the form into the doctor’s chest while she gave him a murderous glare. “We won’t need this, so you can take it back. My daughter isn’t a hopeless case. She’ll get better. She just needs to get through this.”
Tess turned her head to look at me and nodded. The doctor grumbled as he scurried away. Tess knelt on the floor by John and me, and took my face in her hands.
“No one is telling us to give up. I promise you that. She’s going to walk out of here and you’re going to marry her. Cheer up, cookie.” She kissed my cheek.
Paige once told me that her mother had the annoying habit of always being right. I closed my eyes and prayed my hardest that was still true.
“Okay, Paige.” Dr. Stephens spoke in a low voice as she helped me turn on my stomach. “We’ll give you some lidocaine so you won’t feel anything. Should be very quick. You can go back to sleep if you want.”
I let my heavy eyelids close and saw Evan. I let him go, but he came back. The memory of his voice made me relax. I was exhausted. I hardly gave a second thought to the big needle they planned to inject into my spine. I rested my head on my hands and floated off into a strangely peaceful sleep.