“God, you’re an idiot.”
I lifted my head and found Jack sitting next to my hospital bed. He crossed his legs as he leaned back. He was shaking his head at me.
“Oh my God. I’m dead, aren’t I?” I was glad to see Jack, but panicked. I wasn’t ready to go yet. I couldn’t leave Evan and my mother.
“No, not dead. Just an idiot.” He smirked as I glared at him.
“Yeah, you said that.” Jack snickered at me as he folded his arms.
“Well, it was worth repeating. You let yourself almost die before you told anyone you were sick. Stubborn fucking mule, as usual.”
“I didn’t know ghosts could curse. Can you walk through walls?”
“Working up to that. You really want to see me do tricks?”
“No, I want to see you alive. I miss you so much. I felt so alone . . .”
“You were never alone, I was always here with you. Like I said I would be. Life doesn’t always turn out the way you want, cuz. It’s like poker. You need to play the hand you’re dealt and not feel sorry for yourself because you didn’t get better cards. You need to take the support from the people you love and tell lupus to go fuck itself. You’re tougher than you think. You can ride this out and still have a good, long life. Maybe not the one you planned for, but we don’t plan our lives, Paige. It’s stupid to even try.”
“Is heaven nice? How are Grandma and Grandpa?”
“Very nice. They’re both pissed at you. Uncle Alex, too.”
“What’s my dad like?” A slow smile spread across Jack’s face.
“As cool as my dad said he would be. Now, no more of this bullshit. You’re a crap liar so stop stressing yourself out trying.”
“I love you, Jack.” I smiled as he laughed at me.
“I love you, too. Pain in the ass.”
“Hey, she’s waking up. Paige? Hey, sweetheart! Does it hurt?”
My mother’s voice sounded far away as my eyes fluttered open. I squinted at her and Evan standing behind her. I tried to pull myself up, but winced at the sting in my lower back. The pain medicine must have worn off.
Evan kissed my forehead and picked up my hand. “Hey, Daisy! How’s my girl?” I smiled as he brought his lips to the back of my wrist.
“Okay. I saw Jack. He called me an idiot.”
“Sounds like Jack. And I would agree with that.” I wiggled my hand out of Evan’s grasp to touch his cheek.
“Thanks a lot. I’m digging the whiskers, Mr. Jacobs.” I let my hand drift up his cheek; his face was clammy and wet.
“I haven’t felt like shaving, or doing anything else for a while.” Evan kissed the inside of my wrist before he sat in the chair next to my bed.
“I’m sorry, babe. So sorry—”
“Shhh . . . it’s okay, Daisy. You came back to me, that’s all that matters.” The sweet smile that spread across his face tugged at my heart.
“Hey, I’m going home.” My mother kissed my forehead and cupped my cheek. “I’ll come back in the morning. Evan will stay with you. I love you. Get some rest okay?”
“I love you too, Mom.” She turned to give Evan a quick kiss on the cheek and made her way out the door.
“Okay, kids. All set for your sleepover.” Natalie breezed in carrying blankets.
“Sleepov—” I leaned forward as I started hacking again. Now the hacking came with wheezing.
“Hey, don’t over-excite yourself.” Natalie came up to the bed and rubbed my back as she smirked at me. “I have the ER night shift tonight, so I thought I’d sneak your man a couple of blankets. Just behave yourselves.” She handed Evan the blankets and winked at me. “Paige told me how hot you guys can get.”
“You’re sleeping here? I don’t understand . . .” My brow furrowed as Evan opened the blanket and settled back into the chair.
“They’re keeping an eye on your breathing tonight, in case you need to go on a respirator. I could go home and climb the walls, or watch you myself and catch up on lost time with my girl.” The side of his mouth turned up in a smirk. “Natalie pulled a couple of strings for me, so here I am.”
I gingerly turned to my side and tucked my hands under my head. “You are something else.”
Evan shrugged and moved his chair closer to the bed. “I just missed you. And I always sleep better next to you.” He took down the side rail and kissed me. I missed those lips so damn much. “Sweet dreams, Daisy.”
“Sweet dreams. I love you, babe.” Evan laughed and settled on his side facing me.
“What’s so funny?” He grabbed my hand and laced our fingers together.
“I love it when you call me babe.”
Sun peeking through the blinds woke me up. I lifted my head off the pillow. Everything was soaked in sweat, and for the first time in a while, I wanted something to eat.
Evan was asleep, in the most uncomfortable position imaginable. His head rested on the mattress next to my pillow. The side rail was still down so he could extend his arm across my stomach. The poor guy was half falling off the chair trying to get as close to me as possible. I lightly scratched my nails over his scalp. His hair was now longer than his usual buzz cut. I admired him for a few minutes before he stirred in his sleep.
“Daisy . . . what’s wrong? You okay?” His head shot up as his eyes widened. I laughed and shook my head.
“I’m in a pool of sweat, but I’m okay. I wouldn’t mind oatmeal or something when the trays come around.”
“Maybe your fever broke, I’ll go get the nurse, see if we can get my girl something to eat.” Evan kissed my forehead as he stood, and then started for the door.
“Good morning.” Dr. Stephens sauntered in with one of the student doctors. “How are you feeling?”
Evan answered for me. “She’s full of sweat and wants to eat. That’s a good sign, right?” Dr. Stephens and I exchanged a smile.
“Yes, it certainly could be. How’s your throat today?”
“Still scratchy, but maybe I could get some oatmeal?” Dr. Stephens nodded.
“Sure. I’ll tell the nurses to bring you some. Appetite is always a good sign. I actually have some good news already. Your kidneys seem to have improved a bit since the last time I checked them.”
Ugh, I’d forgotten about the catheter bag at the foot of my bed. I was so embarrassed, but if Evan wanted to stick around, he might as well see the worst of everything. I remembered the nurses coming to change it a couple of times during the night.
“The fever may have broken for the moment, so I think it’s time we get this flare down. I’m going to up your prednisone dosage to sixty milligrams. Hopefully, the large dose will start bringing down the inflammation, and help your lungs.” My eyes bugged out of my head.
“Sixty?” In the pamphlets Dr. Stephens had given me to study, I’d learned about the bad side effects from high doses of prednisone. Massive weight gain with a moon-like face, and a ton of other bad things that you couldn’t see. Lupus sure kept it interesting; the treatments were almost as bad as the disease itself.
“We’ll taper you down as you start to feel better. You most likely won’t be on such a high dose for very long, but I can’t wait any longer. And I’m sure you want to get out of here.” Dr. Stephens raised her eyebrows at me as I heard Jack’s voice in my head.
Fuck knows if I’m going to grow gills or a second head, but as long as I feel like this, bring it on!
Jack would have taken anything if it meant staying alive and being here with his family. He even let doctors experiment on him to get even a little more time.
“Okay. Can we start today?”
“That’s my girl.” Evan put his arm around me and kissed my cheek. He turned to Dr. Stephens. “How do I get tested to give Paige a kidney?” I raised my eyebrows and shook my head.