He answered uneasily, "Me… perplexed? Perhaps, but I love you. 'What follows from this?' I imagine occasionally that I aspire to things beyond the earth's capacities. But when I reflect a little, I'm unable to ascertain what my goal is. You tell me what this means.1 want you to talk while I listen. Can you rescue me from my dilemma?"
She said with a smile, "I don't have anything to offer in this regard. You ought to be the speaker. I'll do the listening. Aren't you a philosopher?"
His face turning red, he commented dejectedly, "You're making fun of me."
She was quick to answer, "No. But I wasn't anticipating a conversation like this when I left my house. You caught me by surprise, telling me things I wasn't expecting to hear. In any case, I'm thankful and grateful. No one would be able to forget your tender and refined affection. It would be out of the question to make fun of them."
It was a captivating tune with sweet lyrics. Yet he did not know whether the beloved was being serious or frivolous. Were the portals of hope opening… or closing with the gentleness of a breeze? When she had asked him what he wanted, he had not replied, because he had not known what he did want. Would it be wrong to say that he longed for communion, the communion of one spirit with another? Should he knock at the mysterious closed door with a hug or a kiss? Shouldn't that be the answer?
At the intersection where Palaces Street ended, A'ida stopped and said gently but decisively, "Here!"
He stopped walking too and gazed at her face with astonishment. " 'Here' meaning we must part here?" he wondered. "The sentence love you' is not far-reaching enough to rule out questions."
With no deliberation or thought, he exclaimed, "No!" Then, as though he had suddenly seen the light, he cried out, "What's the point of love? Wasn't that what you were really asking? Here's an answer for you: that we don't part."
With a calm smile, she replied, "But we must part now."
He asked fervently, "Without any displeasure or ill feelings?"
"Absolutely not."
"Will you resume your visits to the gazebo?"
"If circumstances permit."
He anxiously reminded her, "Circumstances permitted it in the past."
"Things are different now."
He was deeply hurt by her response and said, "It seems you won't return."
As though to remind him of the necessity of parting, she said, "I'll visit the gazebo whenever circumstances allow it. Have a happy day."
She set off in the direction of School Street. He stood there gazing after her as though she were a dream vision. When a turn in the road was about to hide her, she looked back with a smile. Then she vanished from sight.
What had he said and heard? He would concentrate on all that shortly, after he came to. When would that be? He was walking all by himself. Alone? … What of the pounding of his heart, the delirium of his spirit, and the echoes of that melody? All the same, a feeling of isolation shook his heart to its core. The captivating, enchanting fragrance of jasmine overwhelmed him, but what was its special ingredient? This fragrance and love were similar in their mysterious and captivating enchantment. Perhaps penetration of one's secret would lead to discovery of the other's. Yet he would not solve this puzzle until he finished reciting all the anthems of bewilderment.
95
Husayn Shaddad said, "Alas, this is our farewell meeting."
Kama! was peeved by this reference to leave-taking. He glanced quickly at Husayn to see if his face was actually as sorrowful as his words. All the same, Kamal had been aware of a valedictory atmosphere for more than a week, because the arrival of June usually signaled the departure of his friends for Ra's al-Barr and Alexandria. It was only a matter of days until the garden, the gazebo, and his friends would vanish from his horizons. The beloved had been pleased to disappear even before departure necessitated it. She had remained invisible even after reconciliation crowned their conversation on Palaces Street. Was the farewell meeting to conclude without a visit? Did his affection mean so little to her that she would begrudge him a fleeting vision before leaving for three months?
Kama! smilingly asked, "Why do you say, 'Alas'?"
Husayn Shaddad responded attentively, "I wish you would all go with me to Ra's al-Barr. My goodness! What a summer vacation that would be!"
It would be marvelous, no doubt about it. Kamal would be happy, if only because the beloved would not be able to continue hiding there. Isma'il Latif remarked to him, "May God come to your aid. How can you bear the summer heat here? Summer has barely begun, and yet see how hot it is today."
It was very hot, although the sun's rays were no longer shining directly on the garden or the desert beyond it. Even so, Kamal replied calmly, "There's nothing in life that can't be borne."
The next moment he was scoffing at his own words. He wondered how he could have responded that way and to what degree w ords could be considered a true expression of feelings. Around him he saw people who certainly looked happy. In their short-sleeved shirts and gray trousers, they seemed to be defying the heat. Only he was wearing a suit — a lightweight white one — and a fez, which he had placed on the table.
Isma'il Latif started praising the examination results: "One hundred percent success. Hasan Salim got his degree. Kamal Ahmad Abd al-Jawad, Husayn Shaddad, and Isma'il Latif all were promoted."
Kamal laughed and observed, "You could have skipped all but the final one, for the others were never in question."
Shrugging his shoulders scornfully, Isma'il retorted, "Each of us has attained the same goal you with fatigue and exertion all year long, me after only one month's effort."
"That proves you're a scholar at heart."
Isma'il asked sarcastically, "Didn't you casually remark that George Bernard Shaw was the worst student of his day?"
Kamal laughingly replied, "Now I'm convinced that we have among us an equal to Shaw, if only in his failures."
Husayn Shaddad said, "I have news I need to disclose before we get carried away by our conversation."
When he found that this statement had not drawn much attention, he stood up suddenly and said in a theatrical tone, "Allow rne to announce some fascinating and happy news". Glancing at Hasan Salim, he asked, "Isn't that so?" Then, looking back at Kamal and Isma'il, he continued: "Yesterday an engagement was arranged between Mr. Hasan Salim and my sister Ai'da."
Confronted by this revelation, Kamal felt like a man who suddenly finds himself beneath a streetcar, after feeling completely satisfied about his safety and security. His heart pounded violently, as if an airplane were plunging downward in an air pocket. An inner scream of terror seemed trapped in his rib cage, unable to get out. He was amazed especially when he thought about it later that he was able to control his feelings and to flash Husayn Shaddad a congratulatory smile for his sister's good fortune. Perhaps Kamal was distracted from his calamity for the time being by the struggle within him between his soul and the stupor threatening it.
Isma'il Latif was the first to speak. He looked back and forth from Husayn Shaddad to Hasan Salim. The latter as usual projected a calm composure, although this time it seemed mixed with some embarrassment or discomfort. Isma'il cried out, "Really? What happy news, happy and sudden… happy, sudden, and treacherous. But I'll postpone discussion of the treachery till later. At the moment I'm content to offer my sincere congratulations."
Isma'il rose and shook hands with Husayn and Hasan. Kamal got up immediately to offer his congratulations too. Despite the smile on his face, he was so startled by the speed of events and the bizarre things people were saying that he imagined he was in a strange dream. Rain was pouring down on his head. He was looking everywhere for shelter. As He shook hands with the two young men he said, "Really good news… heartfelt congratulations."