On Christmas morning, I had a terrible hangover.
The revenge of the waiters[9]
by Jean-Bernard Pouy
Le Marais
The whole neighborhood called him Zatopek.
Every morning he’d trot five times around the Place des Vosges at a slow pace, keeping under the archways even though it’s a lot more exciting, humanly speaking, to be running beneath the linden trees of the park when it’s nice out.
Something every other stupid jogger in the area actually does.
But he was nothing like any of those fitness fanatics who sweat in their name-brand, pastel-colored, see-through jogging suits, their iPods in their ears, rings of perspiration under their armpits, and the stupid look of someone forced to read Derrida.
He didn’t really look like your basic 4th arrondissement bourgeois bohemian who works himself up into a sweat before he gets on the sweaty backs of the employees in his start-up company. His shaggy head, his strange and frightening grimaces, his intimidating glances, his tramplike clothes, they all stood out in this temple of outdated good taste. He spoke to no one. Not even to himself. He never bumped into anyone, even when passing right by the tables of Ma Bourgogne from where a group of apprehensive Italian-American tourists watched him go charging by, breathing hard and staggering on his skinny legs like a frenzied duck, as if he intended to send their tea and pastries crashing down.
His ritual was unchanging: On his third loop he would stop in front of me and I’d hand him a glass of water, which he’d gulp down like a camel. In my old-fashioned black-and-white waiter’s livery, I felt like a magpie or, on weekends, like a stork giving a drink to a muddy and exhausted fox.
When he’d completed his five rounds of the Vosges Stadium he would disappear, literally melting into the ancient stones of the rue de Birague, passing beneath the archway of the Pavillon du Roi, and no one would see him again for the rest of the day. But at 9 on the dot the next morning, summer and winter, Zatopek would reappear from the rue de Béarn, on the other side, emerging from the Pavillon de la Reine as if he were charging down onto the cinder track in Prague.
Several of us, true professional barkeepers, had figured out that he’d been working out like that for three years. Five times, or about two kilometers, around the square each day over three years adds up to a total — another round, boss! — of 2,190 kilometers in all. Hats off. Here’s to you.
Zatopek.
And then one clear Tuesday in late September he didn’t show up. Nor the following day. The neighborhood was in turmoil. Worse than if a thimble signed Buren had been found in place of the huge, hideous Louis XIII statue planted smack in the middle of the park. We waited. Maybe Zatopek was sick. Or maybe he had corns on his feet. Or his tibias had perforated his knees — who knows what might have happened with that stupid obsession with jogging.
Going from bar to bar, from store to store, we began a speedy little investigation, questioning neighbors like the cops do when they’re out to piss everybody off. No one around had heard anything about an accident. No old folks run over by a bus, not by the number 29 or the 96. No firemen or EMS personnel had been called anywhere. Nothing special had occurred.
It was as if Zatopek had suddenly left for the Olympic Games to defend the honor of the 4th arrondissement before the whole world. Our patient concern lasted a good week. No news at all about our anonymous champion. I waited every day with my glass of water in hand.
A strange panic came over all those who truly loved the Place des Vosges. It was something of a catastrophe. The appeal of the place had suddenly lost one of its vital components. An appeal we had created, protected, and sheltered inside us. In spite of the droves of tourists, guides, and the dismal parade of rich people from the 16th arrondissement who come bursting onto the square every weekend, from rue des Francs-Bourgeois — where else — with gullible faces and teeth sharp enough to cut through the asphalt in search of a duplex to buy. In spite of the avalanche of new galleries under the arcades, filled with ghastly art geared to the lobotomized, showing nothing but pathetic naïve art, lascivious nudes in soft bronze, and hyperrealist paintings of Bordeaux bottles. In spite of all the children tearing at each other in the park’s sandboxes; in spite of the homeless who camp out right beside Miyake’s.
We missed Zatopek.
As if in a small village in the Creuse, the mailman was no longer coming by.
My job as waiter at Ma Bourgogne provides me with free afternoons. After the lunchtime rush, my replacement arrives. Then I leave to join my colleagues in the neighborhood bars. The International League of Barkeepers. Very pleasant to be served. For once. But hey, we don’t bug the waiter all the time. And we leave a tip.
We had gradually formed a group held together by super-glue. For professional reasons, of course; as a group it was easier for us to stay up to date on vacant positions, replacements, and little extras to earn on the side. But we were also attached to our little community for reasons of survivaclass="underline" There were about ten of us who were sick of hearing about soccer games and having to silently put up with the vaguely racist conversations of customers barely awake in the morning or half-sloshed in the evening.
I presented the problem to them and I must have talked like Victor Hugo in exile, for they got on board very quickly. We decided to reach out to everyone we knew to try and find out a little more about Zatopek. Where did he come from? Where did he live? Where did he go? All the questions that had never really occurred to us over the last three years. Our mascot was so reliable. Every day, at more or less the same time. Like the mail. Like a radio broadcast.
If we, seasonal sidewalk waiters, had spotted Zatopek, other people must have seen him too. Janitors, street sweepers, storekeepers, we were going to approach everyone. Strangely enough, we really missed this weirdo who came shaking his little legs on our turf every day. Some uneasiness about using the past tense when speaking of him. It just goes to show how concerned we were about what might have happened to him.
There was a sense of drama in our activity, not sure why, it was pure intuition. But something didn’t feel right. The whole neighborhood was being hacked away, the old residents dropping off one after another, replaced by young heirs with slicked-back hair; the former notion stores and wrought- iron workshops were turning into clothing stalls which then turned into restaurants where you paid twenty euros for a radish salad.
To take stock of the situation we picked 3 o’clock on Saturday at Jean-Bart on the corner of Saint-Antoine and rue Caron, a cool, bustling café-tabac filled with unintelligible young people and Keno addicts.
In less than a week the job was done.
Three janitors later, we knew where Zatopek lived. Number 12 rue Saint-Gilles. A cavernous, paved courtyard full of ancient workshops, old and crumbling apartments, makeshift shelters, the poor man’s idea of a loft.
I used to walk around there sometimes during my break in the hope of finding an attic room to rent. I was sick of having to cross all Paris every morning.
With Jean-Louis, who slogs away at the café-tabac on the corner of Saint-Claude and Turenne, I went to check out the place, our hearts in our mouths, afraid of finding out that the old jogger had died. Surprise. Impossible to enter beneath the old-fashioned arched entry: A huge wooden fence barred the doorway. Demolition permit. To be followed by the construction of a group of apartments, some of which would be “affordable housing.” Project manager, the IMPACTIMMO Society with the City of Paris as its client, at least for the public housing part. Behind the boards, a construction site, gigantic.