In the name of the Nanking Daily, I organized the Hsu Chih-mo Conference. The event satisfied my desire to hear his name pronounced on the lips of the young. Female university students carried The Collected Poems of Hsu Chih-mo under their arms like fashionable handbags. They reminded me of myself, the way I once was in love, still was, and would forever be. I whispered Hsu Chih-mo’s name in darkness and daylight, alone or with Pearl or without her.
People from every corner of China attended my conference. There were suspicions, rumors, and questions regarding the reason Hsu Chih-mo had chosen me to keep his papers. “We were best friends,” I answered with ease.
I felt as if I were living in a fictional world when the list of Hsu Chih-mo’s mistresses and love interests continued. The details were imaginative and vivid. Some did get close to the truth. Yet in the end none hit the target.
I enjoyed the colorful interpretations of Hsu Chih-mo’s life while knowing that I alone held the truth.
PART THREE
CHAPTER 21
Hsu Chih-mo’s death reminded us how fragile life could be. Looking back, I realized that it was Dick’s love for Hsu Chih-mo that bound us together. Dick had once been combative and imposing, and Hsu Chih-mo had changed him. Dick acknowledged, “If I am a giant today, it is because Hsu Chih-mo taught me the difference between physical and intellectual height.”
I married Dick Lin after Hsu Chih-mo died. He worked in Shanghai and came to see me in Nanking once a month.
Pearl continued to teach at Nanking University but she no longer lingered on campus. Every time she saw the tree that Hsu Chih-mo used to sit under waiting for her, she would burst into tears. Hsu Chih-mo was more in her life than when he had been alive.
“Hsu Chih-mo was the only Chinese man I know who was true to himself,” Pearl told me. “In his way, he was daring and almost impulsive. I couldn’t help but love him. It was selfish of me. But I needed him. We needed each other.”
One thing Pearl seemed unaware of was that Hsu Chih-mo had also been her challenge. I was never a challenge for Pearl, in contrast. She was attracted to challenges. When she lived in China, she never looked down on anyone, but she also never looked up to anyone until Hsu Chih-mo.
Without Pearl and Hsu Chih-mo in my life, I never would have been the person I am today. The three of us discussed Shakespeare, Rousseau, Dickens, and classic Chinese poets and novelists. Although I published and impressed others as a writer, it was never my air and rice, as it was for Pearl and Hsu Chih-mo.
Like Carie, Pearl worked obsessively for the church and offered her charity. She played Carie’s piano, which was falling apart. The keys either didn’t work or were out of tune. Pearl made the best of it. During Christmas season, we gathered. Pearl retranslated Absalom’s lyrics into Chinese. We spent the evenings singing Carie’s favorites, from “The God of Glory” to “Hail the Heaven-Born Prince of Peace”; from “Love Has Come” to “Hark the Herald Angels Sing.”
Papa no longer worried about the church attendance-the members of the Chin-kiang congregation by now far outnumbered those of the local Buddhist temples. More and more people were choosing the Foreign God Jesus Christ.
Pearl’s home became what Carie’s once was, a shelter for the needy. Neighbors came by unannounced. People borrowed whatever they needed, from gingerroot and garlic to pots and pans, medicine and clothing. As they visited, they shared words with Pearl. They complained about bad weather, failed business deals, nasty mothers-in-law or troubled children. Pearl listened and comforted them. She believed that only when one understood suffering was one capable of happiness.
It was the house rule that no one mentioned Carol’s condition to outsiders, but Pearl realized that people drew closer to her because of Carol. Pearl was better understood. Local children were taught to play with Carol as if she were normal.
I had a feeling that Pearl knew Dick’s true identity, although she never asked. By 1933, Dick was the head of the Shanghai branch of the Communist Party. The party survived the Nationalists’ brutal purge. Mao retreated to Shan-hsi province, a remote area in the northwest mountains. Dick was left alone to be in charge. He barely had time to travel to Nanking.
While the Nationalists fought the Communists, Japan penetrated into China. In early 1934 Japan launched a full-scale invasion and took Manchuria. The nation protested and forced the head of the Nationalists, Chiang Kai-shek, to unite with the Communists instead of hunting them down.
While the Nationalist troops turned around and marched toward Manchuria to fight the Japanese, Mao expanded his forces. Dick received secret orders from Mao to focus on key generals who served Chiang Kai-shek. Dick’s goal was to inspire them to lead an uprising inside the Nationalist military.
“We will take the troops who rebel to Mao,” Dick told me.
Although I was aware of the danger, I supported Dick. It was clear that he simply couldn’t be stopped. What concerned me was his safety.
One day my fear turned into a reality: Dick’s plan ran into trouble when sensitive information was leaked. By the time I heard the news, Dick was on the run. Overnight, he was on the government’s most-wanted list. Dick was followed everywhere. Soon he ran out of places to hide in Shanghai. Whoever received him was followed and arrested.
I went to Pearl and asked if she could help by getting Dick a temporary job at Nanking University. “Dick must have a job in order to register with the city as a legal resident,” I told Pearl. “Dick will take any job, even as a janitor or night guard. There would be no financial burden to the university because we’d give you money to pay his salary.”
Pearl promised to try, but she warned me that the situation in Nanking was becoming uncertain.
“I would hire Dick as my house servant if it wouldn’t be so suspicious,” Pearl added. “I am watched because all foreigners are considered allies of Japan.”
The moment Dick arrived in Nanking, he was arrested. He was thrown into the Nationalist military prison. Although his true identity was still undiscovered, he was tried as a Communist. He was asked to cooperate and produce the names of his comrades. When he refused, he was beaten and his jaw broken.
“Has he been allowed a doctor?” Absalom asked when I told Pearl the news.
“No,” I replied.
“Nonsense!” Absalom said. “I don’t think that we are helpless.” He turned to Pearl. “There must be something we can do to help Dick.”
“Father, we must be cautious. We are not the only ones at risk,” Pearl said, reminding him of the other people in her house. “We are responsible for their lives as well.”
Pearl’s house was crowded. Besides Absalom and Carol, Pearl ’s sister, Grace, had moved in. Her family had also stayed in China, as missionaries. Pearl’s new adopted daughter, Janice, was there too. She was a little older than Carol. The two were already close sisters.
Pearl insisted that I stay with her instead of going back to my own house.
When Nanking University turned down Pearl ’s proposal to hire Dick, the seventy-seven-year-old Absalom went to the Nanking government and claimed that Dick was his assistant working for the church.
“It was the first time in his life that Absalom chose to sin,” Pearl later said, after Dick’s release.
Absalom made it his duty to protect the members of his church. He had difficulty because Dick was not a Christian. It was Papa who convinced Absalom that by helping Dick he was helping our family.
“Dick needs to see God’s work in action,” Papa said to Absalom. “Because of your good deed, you may soon see his conversion.”
Absalom knew that Chiang Kai-shek was a new Christian himself, although he’d converted only to satisfy his wife’s marriage request. When Absalom heard this, he knew that he stood a chance.