But I cannot lie to myself now. There was another letter to consider. This one had shown up at the ranch in Wyoming. An official one, with my name, Tommie Anne McCloud, behind the envelope’s waxy window.
The envelope contained a Social Security card with a brand-new number and a letter informing me that an extensive internal review of the past fifty years of Social Security numbers unearthed hundreds of clerking errors. The first three digits of my number did not reflect where my birth certificate said I was born.
Take this number instead.
No big deal. To them. But that number had been a part of me all my life. I was attached to it, like I was to my hair, my childhood cat Clyde, and the date of my birth. It was one of the few numbers I could spit out automatically, packed in my brain with all of the other passwords and security codes required for membership in the twenty-first century. It had been a nightmare to change it on my passport, insurance cards, credit cards.
But I’d never called to ask any questions. Why would I?
That letter was somewhere in a landfill by now. Daddy’s Mac in front of me glowed, encouraging. I typed “Social Security Administration” into Google, found an 800 number, punched it into my cell, and spent ten minutes bouncing around telephone menus that had no options for grieving, emotionally distraught daughters possibly kidnapped more than thirty years ago. I yelled “Representative” into the phone until the fake voice gave up and transferred me to a live woman, who introduced herself as Crystal.
“I got a Social Security card with a new number in the mail a couple of years ago,” I told Crystal. “My name is Tommie McCloud.”
“Uh-huh. Hundreds of people did. Is there a problem?”
“I just wondered… why? Where did the first three digits indicate I was born?” As I asked this, it occurred to me that I probably could have Googled this kind of information and saved a lot of time.
“You’re just asking now? Never mind. Give me the first three digits of the old number and the new number.” I recited them obediently and she came back on the line a few seconds later. She had probably Googled it.
“Chicago, Illinois.”
“I was born at a hospital in Fort Worth.”
“Yes, ma’am.” Her tone was overly patient. “That is why you got a new card.”
“This has been a huge hassle,” I said, irritated with her patronizing air, wanting to be distracted from the reason I called her in the first place.
“Ma’am, do you have any issues I can specifically help you with now? This is in response to our nation’s heightened vulnerability to security threats and identity fraud. Do you not want a safe nation?”
Ah, the twenty-first-century tactic: Switch the blame right back to the consumer. Yesterday, a representative for the phone company told me it would take a month to set up phone and internet service at the Ponder ranch. When I sputtered a protest, he asked whether I really thought I deserved to be put ahead of other consumers in line. And was I not aware of Texas flooding? I couldn’t dignify that with an answer. The black earth in Daddy’s fields was cracking from the heat. I pictured the phone rep shutting his eyes and stabbing his finger pin-the-tail-on-the-donkey style at a list titled Natural disasters: Excuses they might fall for.
“You’re attacking my patriotism?” I asked Crystal, thinking that wasn’t her real name or accent, that her own dry, un-American ass was probably sitting in India. “Are you reading from a script? Because I’d recommend you get a new script.”
“I’m going to put you down as a customer hang-up,” she said.
“What?”
Silence on the other end. Crystal was gone.
It didn’t matter. I couldn’t avoid it any longer.
Rosalina Marchetti’s letter was clear on this fact. Her daughter, Adriana, had been kidnapped in Chicago, Illinois. Rosalina wanted me to travel there sometime in the next few weeks, all on her dime.
Did she know that my father had just died? Wasn’t that how these scammers worked, with a cold eye on the obituaries, one of the few places where unusual names are usually spelled correctly? Because that’s the thing: Rarely did anyone spell my name right who wasn’t a blood relation, and half of them didn’t, either.
I read the letter for the forty-third time and it’s like I’m twelve years old again sitting in the corner of a horse stall with a flashlight and a terrifying book, frantic to warn the heroine of terrible peril but secretly knowing I can protect her for a day, for months, for years, forever, by simply slamming the book shut. Ending her story in the middle.
I stare at Rosalina Marchetti’s signature. It sweeps arrogantly across the right bottom half of the page, tall and loopy. Under her name, like an afterthought, she had scribbled:
And the angels cried.
CHAPTER 2
“Are you OK, Tommie?”
A familiar gravelly voice. A voice like my father’s, worn raw by smoke and sawdust. I lifted my head from the pile of papers. If I squinted, I could pretend he was Daddy. Tall, angular lines, a fifteen-dollar haircut from Joe, jeans and boots that had met some cows, a face like the Texas earth, wrecked by sun and drought and cigarettes. The damn cigarettes. I pushed away the image of Daddy at the end, with his oxygen tank at his side like a loyal pet.
“Wade. Hi.” I finished pulling my uncooperative hair through an old rubber band I’d found in the drawer and flipped it down my back. “I’m awake. Just unsure where to begin with Daddy’s papers.” I wanted to say that the whole room made me physically ache.
Instead, I spread my arms to encompass the scarred oak desk in front of me, slotted and pegged together like a master puzzle by a cowboy more than two hundred years ago. Not a single metal nail. I took naps on top when I was three. Daddy bragged that it required five men to get the desk through the door.
The oversized leather couch in the corner still held the deep imprint of my father’s lean body. A plastic hanging bag of dry cleaning, Wrangler jeans and lightly starched pressed western shirts, was hooked over one of the closet doors; a case of Corona Light and two cases of Dr Pepper sat by a small refrigerator on the plank floor, vices as hereditary as the cigarettes that killed him. I quit smoking at sixteen, the day Daddy slapped the first one out of my hand behind the barn, the only time he hit me. I stuck with the Dr Pepper.
My eyes lingered on the photo behind Wade’s head, from another lifetime, a blown-up print of Daddy and Wade in federal marshals’ gear. Arms around each other, cigars drooping out of their grinning mouths. A good day, Daddy always said. A bad guy went down.
This refurbished 1800s building in the historic Fort Worth Stockyards was once a place where bad guys went down every week, usually with a chunk of lead in the back. Sometimes in the saloon below, sometimes surprised in this very room while stuck in a woman spreading her legs for a few pieces of change.
Over the last thirty years, among these violent ghosts, my father turned his family’s legacy of land into a multimillion-dollar oil and gas business, with the assistance of a secretary, seven lawyers, two investment advisers, and the man slouched in front of me the way only cowboys in jeans can get away with, a Tony Lama hat that had seen better days held with one giant hand over his crotch.
Wade Mitchell, ten years younger than Daddy, was the heir to the big job, so specified in my father’s will, unless I wanted to step up. My sister, Sadie, had eliminated herself as a candidate years ago.
“I hate to ask, Tommie, but have you made a decision?” At first, I wasn’t sure what Wade meant. Was he talking about his job? About Rosalina Marchetti? How would he know about that? I fingered the pink stationery nervously. Then I remembered, at Aunt Rebecca’s house, at the wake, his urgent whisper.