Helen had given up asking how she came by her information. There was always some newbie in uniform who would cough up information when caught in Emilia’s tractor beam. Whether intimidated by her or just keen to be rid of her, they gave her what she wanted in the end.
Helen looked at her, then walked off, pushing through the door back into the pub. Emilia fell into stride next to her.
‘Any working theories? I heard it was pretty savage.’
No mention of the heart. Was she ignorant of this little detail or teasing Helen with its omission?
‘Any idea who the victim is yet?’
‘Nothing confirmed, but as soon as it is you’ll be the first to know.’
Emilia grinned, but didn’t get a chance to respond.
‘Emilia, how nice to see you. Come to buy me a drink?’ Ceri Harwood was now hurrying over. Where had she sprung from?
‘On a journalist’s wage?’ Emilia countered good-humouredly.
‘Then allow me,’ Harwood replied, steering her towards the bar.
Helen watched them go, unsure whether Harwood had rescued her from Emilia or stepped in to prevent Helen irritating the fourth estate. Either way she was glad of the intervention. She shot a glance at her team. Happy, relaxed and already a few drinks to the good, they chatted animatedly, clearly pleased to have Charlie back.
Helen felt like the bad fairy at the christening. The one person unable to welcome Charlie back with an open heart. The team were oblivious to her, which provided Helen with the perfect opportunity.
There was somewhere she needed to be.
Helen climbed onto her bike and pulled her helmet on, rendering her temporarily anonymous. Turning the ignition, she tested the throttle, then kicked off the brake and roared down the darkened street. She was glad to see the back of Emilia and Charlie. She had had enough for one day – more than enough.
Rush hour was long gone and Helen cut easily through the empty streets. At times like this she really did feel at home in Southampton. It was as if the streets had been cleared for her, as if it were her city, a place where she could exist unmolested and undisturbed. Slowly her mood lifted. Not simply because of where she was, but because of where she was going.
Having parked up, she rang the bell three times and waited. The buzzer sounded – like a warm welcome – and she stepped inside.
Jake was waiting for her, the door wide open. Helen knew he didn’t do this for other clients – the dangers inherent in his business meant he always verified a client’s identity through the spyhole before opening the reinforced door. But he knew it was her – the three rings being their code – and, besides, he knew now what she did for a profession.
It hadn’t always been that way of course. For the first year of their association, she had told him nothing, despite his numerous attempts to open up a conversation. But recent events had changed all that – dominators read the papers too. Thankfully, he was too professional to mention it. He was tempted to, she sensed that, but he knew how much she had suffered, how much she loathed the exposure. So he kept his counsel.
This was Helen’s space. A place where she could be the closed book she used to be. A throwback to a time when her life was under control. If she hadn’t been happy then, she had nevertheless been at peace. And peace was what she craved now. It was a risk coming here for sure – many other coppers had been driven out of the Force in disgrace because of their ‘unconventional’ lifestyles – but it was a risk Helen was prepared to take.
She stripped off her biking leathers, then removed her suit and blouse, hanging them up on the expensive hangers in Jake’s wardrobe. Slipping off her shoes, she was now just in her underwear. Already she could feel her body relaxing. Jake had his back to her – his usual, discreet self – but Helen knew he wanted to look at her. She liked that – it made her feel good – she wanted him to look at her. But you can’t have it both ways. Privacy and intimacy are mutually exclusive.
Closing her eyes, Helen waited for him to strike. Finally on the cusp of release, dark thoughts suddenly reared up unbidden, surprising and unsettling her. Thoughts of Marianne and Charlie, of the people she’d hurt and betrayed, the damage she’d done – the damage she was still doing.
Jake brought the crop firmly down on her back. Then again, harder. He paused as Helen’s body reacted to the blows, then just as she began to relax, he whipped her again. Helen felt the sharp spasm of pain dissipate into an all-over tingling. Her heart was pumping, her headache receding, the endorphins pulsing round her brain. Her dark thoughts were in full flight now – punishment as always her saviour. As Jake brought the crop down for the fourth time, Helen realized that, for the first time in days, she felt truly relaxed. And more than that, she felt happy.
16
He had left his wedding ring on. As he turned the steering wheel, manoeuvring the car over Redbridge Causeway, he caught sight of the gold band nestling on his fourth finger. He cursed himself – he was still bloody green at this. Looking up, he noticed that she had clocked his discomfort.
‘Don’t worry, love. Most of my punters are married. Nobody’s judging you here.’
She smiled at him, then turned to look out of the window. He chanced another, longer look at her. She was just how he’d hoped she’d be. Young, fit, her long legs clad in thigh-high plastic boots. A short skirt, a loose top that revealed her large breasts and elbow-length gloves – were they to arouse or simply to ward off the perishing cold? A pale face with high cheekbones and then that striking hair – long, black and straight.
He had picked her up on Cemetery Road, just south of the Common. There was no one around at that time of night, which suited them both. They headed west, crossed the river and on her instructions had cut off down a narrow side road. They were approaching Eling Great Marsh, a lonely strip of land that looks back towards the docks. During daylight hours, nature lovers come here searching for wildlife, but at night it was used by a very different clientele.
They parked up and for a moment sat in silence. She delved in her bag for a condom, placing it on the dashboard.
‘You’re going to have to tip your seat back or I’m not going to be able to do anything,’ she said gently.
Smiling, he shunted his chair back abruptly, then slowly lowered it to allow them more wriggle room. Already her gloved hand was casually brushing over his groin, provoking an erection.
‘Mind if I keep these on?’ she asked. ‘It’s more fun that way.’
He nodded, desire rendering him mute. She began to unzip his trousers.
‘Close your eyes, honey, and let me take care of you.’
He did as he was told. She was in command and he liked it that way. It was nice to be taken care of for once, to be free of responsibility, to please oneself. When did he ever get the chance to do that?
Unbidden, an image of Jessica popped into his mind. His loving wife of two years, the mother of his child, unsuspecting, betrayed… He pushed the thought away, swallowing this sudden intrusion of real life. It had no place here. This was his fantasy made flesh. This was his moment. And despite the feelings of guilt that now circled him, he was going to enjoy it.
17
It was nearly midnight when he returned home. The house was dark and still, as it always seemed to be. Nicola would be sleeping peacefully upstairs, her carer camped by her side, reading a book by torchlight. Usually this was an image that cheered him – a cosy cocoon for his wife – but tonight the thought of it saddened him. A fierce sense of loss ripped through him, sudden and hard.