THE HOLY ROMAN EMPEROR
Is it not you who dared raise up The power of Russia, Catherine's spirit And with support of both desired To carry thunder to those rapids On which the ancient Rome did stand And trembled all the universe?
Gavrili Derzhavin, The Waterfall
On 21 May 1780, Prince Potemkin welcomed Emperor Joseph II, travelling under the incognito of Comte de Falkenstein, to Russia. It is hard to imagine two more different and ill-suited men. The uptight, self-regarding Austrian martinet wished to discuss politics immediately, while the Prince insisted on taking him off to the Orthodox Church. 'Just up to now, commonplaces have been all the conversation with Potemkin and he hasn't uttered a word of politics,' the Emperor, thirty-nine, balding, oval-faced and quite handsome for a Habsburg, grumbled to his disapproving mother, the Empress-Queen Maria Theresa. Joseph's impatience did not matter because Catherine was only a day away. The Emperor continued to chomp at the bit - but Potemkin displayed only an enigmatic affability: this was a deliberate political manoeuvre to let Joseph come to him. No one knew what Potemkin and Catherine were planning, but Frederick the Great and the Ottoman Sultan observed the meeting with foreboding, since it was aimed primarily at them.
The Prince handed the Emperor a letter from Catherine which plainly revealed her hopes: 'I swear at this moment there is nothing more difficult than to hide my sentiments of joy. The very name Monsieur le Comte de Falkenstein inspires such confidence .. .V Potemkin recounted his impressions of Joseph to Catherine, and the partners impatiently discussed their meaning. The Prince passed on Joseph's extravagant compliments about the Empress. The spirit of their unique partnership is captured in Catherine's letter when she was just a day away: 'Tomorrow I hope to be with you, everyone is missing you ... We'll try to figure out Falkfenstein] together.'2
This was easier said than done: the Emperor's awkward character baffled contemporaries - and historians. No one so represented the incongruities of the Enlightened despot: Joseph was an uncomfortable cross between an expansionist and militaristic autocrat and a philosophe who wished to liberate his people from the superstitions of the past. He thought he was a military genius and philosopher-king like his hero Frederick the Great (the enemy who had almost destroyed Joseph's own inheritance). Joseph's ideals were admirable, but he despised his fellow man, was tactless and lacked all conception that politics was the art of the possible. His over-strenuous doctrinaire reforms stemmed from an austere vanity that made him somewhat ridiculous: he believed that the state was his person.
Joseph's incognito was the symbol of his whole philosophy of monarchy. He was as pompous and self-righteous about his name as he was about his living arrangements and his reforms. 'You know that ... in all my travels I rigidly observe and jealously guard my rights and the advantages that the character of Comte de Falkenstein gives me,' Joseph instructed Cobenzl, 'so I will, as a result, be in uniform but without orders ... You will take care to arrange very small and ordinary quarters at Mogilev.'3
This self-declared 'first clerk of the state' wore a plain grey uniform, travelled with only one or two companions, wished to eat only simple inn food and liked to sleep on a military mattress in a roadside tavern rather than a palace. This was to create a challenge for the impresario of the visit, Potemkin, but he rose to it. Russia had few of the flea-bittern taverns the Emperor expected, so Potemkin dressed up manorhouses to look like inns.
The Emperor prided himself on perpetually inspecting everything from dawn till dusk. He never understood that inactivity can be masterful - hence the Prince de Ligne's comment that 'he governed too much and did not reign enough ...'. Ligne understood Joseph well - and adored him: 'As a man he has the greatest merit ... as a prince, he will have continual erections and never be satisfied. His reign will be a continual Priapism.' Since the death of his father in 1765, Joseph had reigned as Holy Roman Emperor or, as the Germans called it, Kaiser, but had to share power over the Habsburg Monarchy - which encompassed Austria, Hungary, Galicia, the Austrian Netherlands, Tuscany and parts of modern Yugoslavia - with his mother, the formidable, humane and astute Maria Theresa. For all her prudishness and rigid Catholic piety, she had laid the foundations for Joseph's reforms - but he imposed them so stringently that they first became a joke and then a disaster. He later took steps towards the emancipation of the serfs and the Jews, who no longer had to wear the Yellow Star of David, could worship freely, attend universities and engage in trade. He disdained his nobles; yet his reforms rained on his peoples like baton blows. He could not understand their obstinate ingratitude. When he banned coffins to save wood and time, he was baffled by the outrage that forced him to reverse his decision. 'God, he even wants to put their souls in uniform,' exclaimed Mirabeau. 'That's the summit of despotism.'
His emotional life was tragic: his talented first wife, Isabella of Parma, preferred her sister-in-law to her husband in what seemed to be a lesbian affair, but he loved her. When she died young after three years of marriage, Joseph, then twenty-two, was inconsolable. 'I have lost everything. My adored wife, the object of all my tenderness, my only friend is gone ... I hardly know if I am still alive.' Seven years later, his only child, a cherished daughter, died of pleurisy: 'One thing that I ask you to let me have is her white dimity dressing gown, embroidered with flowers ...'. Yet even these sad emotional outbursts were about himself rather than anyone else. He remarried a hideous Wittelsbach heiress, Josepha, to lay claim to her Bavaria, then treated her callously. 'Her figure is short, thickset and without a vestige of charm,' he wrote. 'Her face is covered in spots and pimples. Her teeth are horrible.'
His sex life afterwards alternated between princesses and prostitutes, and, if he thought he might fall in love with a woman, he drained himself of any desire by visiting a whore first. Ligne recalled that he had 'no idea of good cheer or amusements, neither did he read anything except official papers'. He regarded himself as a model of rational decency and all others with sarcastic disdain. As a man, he was a bloodless husk; as a ruler, 'the greatest enemy of this prince', wrote Catherine, 'was himself'. This was the Kaiser whom Potemkin needed to pull off the greatest achievements of his career.4
On 24 May 1780, the Empress of Russia entered Mogilev through the triumphal arch, escorted by squadrons of Cuirassiers - a sight that impressed even the sardonic Kaiser: 'It was beautiful - all the Polish nobility on horseback, hussars, cuirassiers, lots of generals ... finally she herself in a carriage of two seats with Maid-of-Honour Miss Engelhardt...'. As cannons boomed and bells rang, the Empress, accompanied by Potemkin and Field-Marshal Rumiantsev-Zadunaisky, attended church and then drove to the Governor's residence. It was the beginning of four days of theatre, song and of course fireworks. No expense was spared to transform this drab provincial capital, gained from Poland only in 1772 and teeming with Poles and Jews, into a town fit for Caesars. The Italian architect Brigonzi had built a special theatre where his compatriot Bonafina sang for the guests.