Michaeclass="underline" Hey!
Lilly: I’m sorry, but it’s true. Hank’s self-esteem had already been reduced to nothing thanks to Amber, Corn Queen of Versailles County. I couldn’t allow any negative comments to ruin what little self-confidence he had left. You know how fatalistic boys can be.
Michaeclass="underline" Hey!
Lilly: It was vital that Hank be allowed to pursue his dream without the slightest fatalistic influence. Otherwise, I knew, he didn’t stand a chance. And so I kept our plan a secret even from those I most cared about. Any one of you, without consciously meaning to, might have torpedoed Hank’s chances with the most casual of comments.
Me: Come on. We’d have been supportive.
Lilly: Mia, think about it. If Hank had said to you, ‘Mia, I want to be a model,’ what would you have done? Come on. You would have laughed.
Me: No, I wouldn’t have.
Lilly: Yes, you would have. Because to you, Hank is your whiny, allergy-prone cousin from the boondocks who doesn’t even know what a bagel is. But I, you see, was able to look beyond that, to the man Hank had the potential to become. . . .
Michaeclass="underline" Yeah, a man who is destined to have his own pin-up calendar.
Lilly: You, Michael, are just jealous.
Michaeclass="underline" Oh, yeah. I’ve always wanted a big picture of myself in my underwear hanging up in Times Square.
[Actually, I think that is something I would really enjoy seeing, but Michael was, of course, being sarcastic.]
Michaeclass="underline" You know, Lil, I highly doubt Mom and Dad are going to be so impressed by your tremendous act of charity that they’re going to overlook the fact that you skipped school to do it. Especially when they find out you’ve got detention next week because of it.
Lilly: (looking long-suffering) The most eleemosynary are often martyred.
And that was it. That’s all he said to me, all day. ALL DAY.
Note to self: look upeleemosynary
POSSIBLE REASONS MICHAEL WON’T ADMIT HE IS JO-C-ROX
1. He really is too shy to reveal his true feelings for me.
2. He thinks I don’t feel the same way about him.
3. He’s changed his mind and doesn’t like me after all.
4. He doesn’t want to have to bear the social stigma of dating a freshman and he is just waiting until I am a sophomore before asking me out. (Except that by then he’ll be a freshman in college and won’t want to bear the social stigma of dating a high school girl.)
5. He isn’t Jo-C-rox at all and it turns out I am obsessing about something written by that guy from the cafeteria who has the thing about corn.
HOMEWORK
Algebra: none (no Mr. G!)
English: finish Day in a Life! Plus Profound Moment!
World Civ: read and analyze one current event from Sunday Times (200 wd minimum)
G&T: don’t forget the dollar!
French: pg. 120, huit phrases (ex. A)
Biology: questions at end of Chapter 12—get answers from Kenny!
ENGLISH JOURNAL
A Day In My Lifeby Mia Thermopolis
(I chose to write about a night instead.
Is that okay, Mrs. Spears?)
FRIDAY, OCTOBER 31
3:16 p.m.—Arrive home at SoHo loft with bodyguard (Lars). Find it ostensibly empty. Decide mother probably napping (something she does a lot these days).
3:18 p.m.–3:45 p.m.—Play foozball with bodyguard. Win three out of twelve games. Decide must practice foozball in spare time.
3:50 p.m.—Curious as to why riotous game of foozball—not to mention incredibly loud pinball machine—have not awakened mother from nap. Knock gently on bedroom door. Stand there hoping door does not open and reveal view of mother actually sharing bed with Algebra teacher.
3:51 p.m.—Knock louder. Decide perhaps cannot be heard due to intense lovemaking session. Sincerely hope I will not be inadvertent witness to any nakedness.
3:52 p.m.—After receiving no response to my knock, i go into mother’s bedroom. No one is there! Check of mother’s bathroom reveals crucial items such as mascara, lipstick, and bottle of folic acid tablets missing from medicine cabinet. Begin to suspect something is afoot.
3:55 p.m.—Phone rings. I answer it. It is my father. Following conversation ensues:
Me: Dad? Mom’s missing. And so is Mr. Gianini. He didn’t even come to school today.
Father: You still call him Mr. Gianini even though he lives with you?
Me: Dad. Where are they?
Father: Don’t worry about it.
Me: That woman is carrying my last chance at having a sibling. How can i help but worry about her?
Father: Everything is under control.
Me: How am I supposed to believe that?
Father: Because i said so.
Me: Dad, I think you should know, I have some very serious trust issues concerning you.
Father: How come?
Me: Well, Part of it might be the fact that up until about a month ago, you had lied to me for my entire life about who you are and what you do for a living.
Father: Oh.
Me: So just tell me. WHERE IS MY MOTHER?
Father: She left you a letter. You can have it at eight o’clock.
Me: Dad, eight o’clock is when the wedding is supposed to start.
Father: I am aware of that.