ôA likely story,ö Charlene scoffed.
ôItÆs the truth!ö
ôSo what have we got?ö said Gran. ôOne man who claims heÆs the victim of identity theft, another who just wanted to see æwhat all the fuss was aboutÆ and a third whoÆs looking for a black widow.ö She tsk-tsked lightly. ôI call bullshit.ö And when cries of disagreement rose up, she repeated, louder this time, ôAbsolute bullshit!ö
ôWhat do you think, Max?ö asked Dooley. ôDo you think theyÆre telling the truth?ö
ôOh, absolutely,ö I said. ôThough of course you can never really know for sure.ö
ôThereÆs one way to find out if Chase is telling the truth, at least,ö said Brutus. ôTalk to the people who designed the site and ask them if they can check who created that profile.ö
ôTrue,ö I said. ôBut then youÆd have to get a warrant, and I doubt any judge would grant one based on the suspicion of a local reporter. No, I think Odelia, Marge and Charlene are just going to have to take their significant othersÆ word for it, hard as that might be.ö
And as far as I could tell, it would be quite a while before that happened. And since none of us enjoys these family feuds, we decided to head out through the pet flap and take in some fresh air. Recriminations flying back and forth are not exactly my idea of a pleasant time to be had by all.
And weÆd just left the house through the pet flap when a smallish bird suddenly materialized and stepped to the fore. He looked a little shy as he presented himself. ôHi, my name is Jack,ö said the bird, whom I immediately identified as belonging to the sparrow species. ôAnd you must be Harriet,ö he added, and presented our friend with a small daisy he must have picked up in someoneÆs backyard. ôIÆm glad to finally meet you, Harriet, and I can tell you right off the bat that I have a good feeling about this.ö
ôA good feeling about what?ö asked Harriet, as confused as the rest of us.
ôThis,ö said Jack, gesturing between himself and Harriet. ôOur relationship.ö
HarrietÆs jaw dropped, and so did mine. Dooley merely gave the bird a look of keen interest. After having watched numerous nature documentaries, the mating ritual of birds holds no secrets for him. Brutus, meanwhile, was getting a little worked up.
ôWhat do you mean, our relationship!ö the butch black cat demanded heatedly.
ôWell, you swiped right, and I swiped right, and of course that wasnÆt a big surprise, as I immediately felt this click, you knowùa connection, if you see what I mean.ö The tiny bird smiled a diffident smile. ôYou must have felt the same, dearest Harriet. And now that I finally meet you in the flesh, as it were, I must say IÆm not disappointed. On the contraryùyou look even better in reality than on your profile, which is a rare thing these days.ö
A powerful rebuke had been trembling on HarrietÆs lips, but JackÆs words took the wind out of her sails. ôOh,ö she said. ôDo you really think so?ö
ôAbsolutely. Gorgeous doesnÆt even begin to describe it.ö
ôYouÆve got some nerve!ö Brutus cried, and took a menacing step in the direction of the small brown bird. Jack immediately took flight and settled in a nearby tree, where he was safe from our friendÆs sharp claws.
ôBrutus, IÆm sure this isnÆt necessary,ö said Harriet. ôJack is just trying to be nice.ö
ôNice!ö Brutus cried. ôHeÆs talking about having a relationship with you!ö
ôIÆm sorry to say that me swiping right was a mistake, Jack,ö Harriet now clarified. ôI wanted to swipe left, but then something got in my eye, and I accidentally swiped right.ö
ôWhat got in your eye was the fact that IÆm the perfect partner for you, beautiful Harriet,ö said Jack, now causing us to have to look up, not down. ôAnd IÆm quite determined to prove it to you by showering you with my affections and my gifts.ö
ôGifts?ö asked Harriet, perking up at this. ôWhat gifts?ö
ôHarriet!ö Brutus cried, exasperated. ôHeÆs a bird!ö
ôWell spotted, cat,ö said Jack. ôI am indeed a bird. A love bird. And when you give me a chance, IÆll make sweet, sweet love to you, morning, noon and night, lovely Harriet.ö
ôLet me get at him,ö Brutus growled, and made to climb that tree. But unfortunately for him Jack took flight again, and this time perched on the gutter, from where he continued to give Harriet the glad eye. In fact he was winking at her, causing Harriet to giggle and Brutus to fume with righteous rage.
ôYouÆre sweet,ö Harriet said finally. ôBut IÆm afraid this is one of those relationships that simply isnÆt to be, Jack.ö
ôAnd why is that?ö asked Jack. ôIÆm too short for you, is that it? Well, what I lack in height, I make up in honest heat. I can assure you that passion is my middle name.ö
ôSo his name is Jack Passion Sparrow?ö asked Dooley.
ôSomething like that,ö I said.
ôJack the sparrow,ö said Dooley musingly. ôNow what does that remind me of?ö
ôBrutus, come down from that drainpipe!ö Harriet was yelling. But of course by the time Brutus finally reached the roof, Jack had flown off again, rerouting once again to that tree and making Brutus look really silly sitting up there on that roof.
ôLooks like Brutus is stuck, Max,ö said Dooley.
ôYeah, looks like,ö I agreed.
ôDonÆt just stand there!ö Brutus cried. ôGet me down from here!ö
We turned when Jack suddenly started singing. Like a regular crooner, he was singing a love song, infusing it with all the warmth and fervor he harbored in his tiny bosom.
ôSuch a pity,ö Harriet murmured.
ôWhat is?ö I asked.
ôThatÆs heÆs just a sparrow and not some majestic bird of prey. Like a bald eagle, you know, though of course if he were a bald eagle IÆd ask him to get a toupee. Or a hair transplant. A cat of my stature canÆt be seen dating a baldie.ö
ôHeÆs a bird and youÆre a cat, Harriet,ö I said. ôIt wouldnÆt work.ö
ôYou donÆt know that,ö said Harriet. ôStranger things have happened. And besides, nobodyÆs perfect.ö
ôItÆs one of those impossible relationships, isnÆt it,ö said Dooley. ôLike Romeo and Juliet, or Quasimodo and Demi Moore. Or even Emma Watson and the Beast.ö
ôThe Beauty and the Beast,ö Harriet murmured. ôNow isnÆt that something?ö
ôCan someone get me down from here!ö Brutus bellowed.
Chapter 5
Dolores Peltz had come down with a serious case of the flu, and since her only possible replacement was vacationing in Hawaii, doing one of those wild water rafting excursions and couldnÆt be reached, Chief Alec Lip had been forced to be creative, and had tasked his mother with taking over from Dolores for now. As Tex PooleÆs more-or-less faithful receptionist for many years, no one could fault Vesta with a lack of know-how. And as the leader of the neighborhood watch, she wasintimately knowledgeable with both the town of Hampton Cove and the crime-fighting mindset. Plus, sheÆd been helping her granddaughter Odelia Poole and the latterÆs husband Chase Kingsley tackle many a difficult crime case, so she had some basic grasp of police procedure as well.
In other words: the perfect police dispatcher.
Vesta only had one proviso before she assumed the role: that her friend Scarlett Canyon was allowed to join her. As she explained it, being a police dispatcher was a stressful and lonely job, and she could use the company.
ôIÆm not sure,ö Alec had said, fingering one of his many chins. But since he basically had no other choice, he finally caved to VestaÆs demands.
And so it was that the women who called in to file an official complaint against Valina Fawn for leading their husbands astray, and the men who called in to file an official complaint against the site for being careless with their personal information, either had the misfortune of getting Vesta as their interlocutor, or Scarlett. ItÆs safe to say that neither woman had a lot of compassion to dispense with.
ôSo your husband cheated on you,ö said Vesta. ôBig deal. Dump him and get another one. I told my daughter exactly the same thing when we found out her husband is on that site: kick him out and start looking for a decent guy. Though I have to be honest with you, Mary, in my personal opinion all men are dogs, so I simply wouldnÆt bother if I were you. Just get a nice cat. Cats will never let you down. And IÆm speaking from experience here.ö