As far as I could tell, OdeliaÆs interview had been a big bust, but when we were in the car, driving back to the office, she told us that there was at least one upshot. One takeaway she was particularly happy about.
ôTurns out that Chase was telling the truth,ö she said as she steered her aged pickup along the road. ôI talked to one of the people in charge of programming, and asked if he could tell if a person signing up was the actual person or simply someone using their name and picture. He looked at ChaseÆs profile and could determine based on the IP address that the Chase Kingsley whoÆs advertising his rugged good looks and the fact that heÆs a cop on the site is based in Swarthmore, a suburb of Philadelphia, and not, as it turns out, here in Hampton Cove.ö
ôSo itÆs not Chase?ö Dooley asked.
ôNo, itÆs not. HeÆs telling the truth. And so, incidentally, are my dad and Uncle Alec. Uncle AlecÆs search history only lists variations of the criminal heÆs been looking for, and my dad doesnÆt even have much of a search history. In fact he only looked at two profiles, and one of those is Gran.ö
ôGran is on the site?ö I asked.
ôOf course she is. And so is Scarlett, by the way.ö
ôWhy doesnÆt that surprise me?ö
ôWhat was the other profile Tex looked at?ö asked Dooley.
Odelia smiled.ôMomÆs.ö
ôYour mom is on Valina Fawn!ö cried Dooley.
ôA fact she conveniently forgot to mention,ö Odelia pointed out.
Well, looked as if all the men in our family were officially in the clear.
ôSo thatÆs why you agreed to do the interview, and sit through that guy jabbering on about all of that nerdy stuff,ö I said.
Odelia nodded.ôI simply had to know. And this seemed like the only way to find out. These sites are notoriously protective of that kind of information, but now that theyÆve been so badly hit, theyÆre anxious for positive publicity. And so I promised to give them a positive write-upàö
ôIn exchange for some information on Chase.ö
ôWe heard a big argument between Valina and Norwell,ö said Dooley. ôMax says theyÆre like rats on a ship, though they didnÆt seem eager to mate and produce half a billion offspring in the next three years.ö
Odelia laughed.ôYeah, I already had the impression they werenÆt as matey as they made out to be.ö
ôNorwell says heÆs lawyering up,ö I said. ôSo they might get even less matey now.ö
ôUnderstandable. Norwell left a great career and relocated his family to get involved with Valina Fawn. If the site goes bust, itÆs his reputation and his future on the line. So heÆll want to distance himself as much as he can, and make sure his future employers know heÆs not to blame for the hack.ö
ôDo you think thereÆs negligence involved?ö I asked.
ôHard to say. And of course theyÆd never admit it. But if people are going to start suing them, the truth might come out eventually. And it wouldnÆt surprise me if they didnÆt take a few shortcuts when they built that site. Shortcuts that left a lot of peopleÆs private details very vulnerable indeed.ö
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That evening, I was happy to note that things were back to normal at Casa Kingsley. The couple were newly conciliated, and so were Tex and Marge, and even Uncle Alec and Charlene. Much to GranÆs disappointment, all three men had proved absolutely blameless, and the love light shone bright once again.
Odelia was looking at a site dispensing advice to expecting moms, and keeping Chase abreast of her findings.
ôDid you know that your boobs can grow up to two cup sizes?ö she said.
ChaseÆs eyebrows shot up. ôTwo cup sizes? Well how about that?ö
ôSome people seem to think that breastfeeding is a big no-no,ö she continued assimilating Dr. Google. ôThey say you should bottle-feed babies as much as possible.ö
ôAnd why is that?ö asked Chase, who was checking CNN on his phone.
ôFor one thing it might play havoc on your breasts. They might never be perky again.ö
ôI donÆt mind if you donÆt mind,ö said Chase. He gave his wife a grin. ôI like your boobies in any shape or size they come in, babe.ö
ôThe other reason is that some people seem to think that breast milk is bad for babies.ö
Chase frowned at this.ôSo the human species have been doing it all wrong for the past couple of million years? Who wrote this nonsense?ö
ôUmà One Marjorie Bricks from Massachusetts. She says sheÆs a licensed nurse.ö
ôWell, you can tell Marjorie Bricks that she can take her advice andùö
ôChase! ThereÆs kids around,ö said Odelia with a quick glance to me and Dooley, who were listening with rapt attention.
ôOh, right,ö said Chase, and patted our heads distractedly.
Harriet and Brutus now strode in through the pet flap, looking a little listless, I thought. Unfortunately their contretemps hadnÆt been rectified by OdeliaÆs findings. And so when Harriet hopped up onto the couch, miscalculated her approach shot and fell off again, instead of assisting his lady love, Brutus merely stood by and watched, a baleful look in his eye.
ôOh, lemon drop,ö said Harriet. ôDonÆt be like that.ö
ôLike what?ö Brutus grunted.
ôLike a big fat grump!ö
ôIÆll stop being a big fat grump when you stop cheating on me with a bird,ö Brutus rejoined.
ôIÆm not cheating on you with anyone!ö
Brutus now hopped up onto the couch and after having circled his spot thrice, as one does, finally lay down, still looking out of sorts.ôIÆll believe that when I see it,ö he grumbled.
ôMax, say something!ö said Harriet.
ôWhat do you want me to say?ö I asked.
ôTell Brutus heÆs the only one for me. And that no one will ever come between us, least of all some silly bird!ö
Brutus seemed mollified by HarrietÆs pleas. After all, how could he not? ItÆs not every day that someone pleads with you to believe in the purity of their intentions.
ôAll right,ö Brutus said finally. ôI believe you.ö
ôOh, thank you, Pookie,ö said Harriet.
Brutus smiled.ôIÆm sorry,ö he said, ôif I was being a big grump.ö
ôThatÆs okay,ö said Harriet. ôYouÆre my big grump.ö
ôOh, little monkey.ö
ôOh, snuggle bunny.ö
ôOh, sparky star.ö
ôOh, God,ö I moaned.
Just then, there was a strange sound at the window, and when we looked over, we saw that a bird was tapping against the pane with its beak. And when I looked closer, I saw that it was actually Jack the sparrow. When he saw that he finally had our attention, he drew himself up to his full heightùwhich was negligible I must sayùand started declamating loudly, ôHarriet, queen of my heart. IÆve written a poem especially for you!ö And before we could stop him, he cleared his throat, affected a strangely bleating diction, and trilled,
ôHarriet, IÆll marry it!
Harriet, IÆll love it!
Harriet, IÆll always be true!
Harriet, donÆt make me blue!ö
At the conclusion of this expression of his immortal soul, Jack took a bow.
Brutus turned to Harriet, eyes burning with righteous fury, then hopped down from the couch and strode off on a huff without another word, though his rigid shoulders and unnaturally still tail spoke volumes.
ôPookie!ö Harriet cried.
But Pookie was gone.
Chapter 8
It had already been a long day for Valina, and judging from the pile of work she still had on her desk, the day was about to turn into night with not a hope of a respite. Of course when you run your own business you canÆt expect to keep regular hours, but this was getting ridiculous.
She hadnÆt eaten a decent meal in days, practically hadnÆt seen her own bed in just as long, and in spite of all her efforts, the site was still in as precarious a position as when this whole disaster had struck.
SheÆd always had a soft spot for programmers, website designers and all manner of geek or nerd, but ever since her site was hacked, she hated the species with a vengeance. She imagined some army of nerds sitting in a basement somewhere thinking up ways and means of destroying other peopleÆs livelihood. It was digital vandalism, pure and simple, and if she could drag those shits through their monitor and skin them alive, she would.