“And now you’re going to tell me everything, Max,” said Harriet.
“And me,” said Brutus.
“Well, it all started with a smoothie,” I said.
Epilogue
“So… Daphne Wimmer killed her husband?” asked Harriet.
“And Jared Zmuda,” I said.
“Who would have thought?” said Brutus.
“Max would,” said Dooley proudly.
The four of us were seated on the porch swing, while our humans were enjoying a nice barbecue in Marge and Tex’s backyard. Uncle Alec was manning the grill for a change. The big guy likes to eat, and has in the past been frustrated by his brother-in-law Tex’s poor performance as a grill master to such an extent that he’d finally decided to take the process of food prep into his own hands.
And I must say he was doing a pretty good job. So far I’d only eaten a piece of steak, but it had been both firm and tender, tasty but not overcooked, spicy but not overly so. In other words, exactly the way I like it.
“Oh, don’t keep me in suspense,” said Harriet. “Just tell me how you figured out it was Daphne.”
“Tell us,” Brutus said.
“Whatever!”
“Well, it was the smoothie that finally decided me,” I revealed.
“Smoothie? Max, will you just speak plain language for a change?” Harriet lamented. She obviously wasn’t happy I’d cracked the case before she did, and even now, when Daphne was languishing in a holding cell awaiting processing by the justice system, she hadn’t figured it out yet, which clearly irked her to a great degree.
“You’ll remember that when we first arrived at the house the kitchen was immaculate,” I said, launching into my spiel.
“No, I wouldn’t remember because I wasn’t there,” said Harriet, sounding peeved, “because Odelia didn’t bother to involve us.”
“Well, the kitchen was squeaky clean, all the dishes washed, and when Odelia opened the dishwasher she found a blender beaker and the rest of the smoothie-making paraphernalia all nicely washed. And then later when Gran and Scarlett talked with the housekeeper she happened to mention how father and daughter were both cut from the same cloth, namely that they both adored takeout and also that they were slobs, and that whenever Daphne was away for the weekend on one of her Avon things the house was always a mess. This time the place was immaculate, though. Obviously somebody had cleaned that kitchen.”
“You mean Dino and Rose had ordered takeout and watched a movie like they always did?” asked Dooley.
“No, because father and daughter weren’t on speaking terms, remember?”
“Oh, right.”
“Rose had locked herself up in her room, while Dino spent the evening in his office downstairs. The thing is—would a man who loves takeout prepare himself a smoothie if he can avoid it? I don’t think so.”
“Uh-huh,” said Harriet. “Go on.”
“And then another thing that struck me was that Daphne expressed surprise that Rose was home. You’ll remember that when she came home after being called by her stepdaughter she said she’d figured Rose would spend the night with her boyfriend Cole. She was genuinely surprised, and now we know why.”
“Because Rose could have easily walked in on her that night,” said Harriet, nodding.
“Exactly.”
“So Daphne didn’t stay with her friend Grace?” asked Brutus.
“Oh, yes, she did, but she left at some point, telling Grace she had a hot date with Jared Zmuda.”
“A hot date!” Brutus exclaimed.
“Daphne was having an affair with the fitness club owner, which was one of the reasons she wanted to get rid of her husband. The other reason was money. She and Dino had signed a prenup when they got married. It stipulated that in case of divorce both parties would leave with just the assets they brought into the marriage. In case one of them died, however, the other party inherited everything. So that night she hurried home, parked her car—”
“Where it was seen by Mrs. Bird,” Harriet supplied helpfully.
“But what if Mrs. Bird had seen her enter the house?” asked Brutus.
“Or leave it?” Harriet added.
“Daphne was careful to park two doors down. And she didn’t go in through the front door but snuck around the back for this exact reason: because she knew Mrs. Bird was a nosy parker. Daphne had also put on a scarf, and borrowed one of Grace’s coats.”
“How did she kill her husband?” asked Brutus.
“She made him a smoothie. Daphne was the health freak in the family, which is why she started going to the fitness club where she met Jared. Her husband wasn’t into smoothies but he reluctantly drank them when she made them. But this time he would have done well to stay away from the concoction, as it was loaded with crushed-up sleeping pills. He must have immediately fallen into a coma, then died at some point while his wife was cleaning the kitchen, removing any trace she’d prepared the toxic brew, then setting the scene in Dino’s office and placing the suicide note she’d written.”
“So Rose could have walked in on her at any point during this?” asked Harriet.
“Which is why Daphne was so shocked when she discovered Rose had been home all the time. Rose and her boyfriend had had another one of their occasional lovers’ tiffs, and even though she was supposed to stay the night she’d decided to stay home instead.”
“So what about Jared Zmuda?” asked Brutus.
“Jared knew all about the murder, and Jared was also very ambitious. He wanted to open a chain of clubs. And he needed money. A lot of money. So at some point he decided to squeeze Daphne for a big chunk of change. Now that she was going to inherit he wanted his cut. Daphne realized he’d become a liability so she decided to get rid of him.”
“And blame her stepdaughter?” asked Harriet, horrified.
I nodded. “Daphne may have faked affection for Dino’s daughter but she’d never been all that fond of the teenager. So she decided to kill two birds with one stone: get rid of Jared and Rose. So she fabricated those Google searches on Rose’s computer, and used a pair of wire cutters Rose had used for a school project to sabotage Jared’s weightlifting equipment then sent a text from Jared’s phone to Rose to meet him.”
“How did she know what machine Jared was going to use?” asked Harriet.
“She was there,” I said. “She picked the machine and asked Jared to demonstrate it for her. And since Jared was something of a macho he immediately accepted the challenge.”
“And in doing so signed his death warrant,” said Harriet, nodding.
“What a cold-blooded killer,” said Brutus.
“She’s going to have to do a lot of good deeds to make up for what she did,” said Dooley. He then offered Brutus a piece of fish. “Do you want this, Brutus?”
“Don’t mind if I do,” said Brutus with a look of surprise. “Now this is the kind of good deed you can do as much as you want, Dooley,” he added as he gobbled up the tasty treat.
“I know,” said Dooley. “Max has told me to limit my good deeds to feeding others so from now on I’ll do just that. Do you want some more fish, Harriet?” he asked.
“That’s very kind of you, Dooley,” said Harriet as she accepted the offer with a smile.
Immediately, though, both Brutus and Harriet started choking. “You didn’t remove the bones!” said Brutus as he upchucked his piece of fish, soon followed by Harriet.
Dooley slapped his brow. “I knew I’d forgotten something!”
“Oh, Dooley,” I said, shaking my head.
“So are you still a reporter now?” asked Marge as she ladled some more potato salad onto her mom’s plate.
“Yeah, I guess I’ll always be a reporter. It’s the job I know and like best, after all.”
“And this girl, this Kimberly? She’s gone for good?”
“Yeah, I don’t think we’ll ever see her around again,” Odelia said.
“Good riddance,” Gran grunted as she cut into a fat sausage and took a tentative nibble then gave her son two thumbs up. “You gotta try these sausages,” she told her friend Scarlett. “They’re to die for.”