I watched Grace smear her face with what looked like some kind of vegetable paste and said, with a smile,“It was actually Grace who solved the case.”
“Grace!” Harriet cried, eyeing the toddler with newfound respect. “She’s not even old enough to speak and already she’s solving cases!”
“Well, she didn’t actually solve the case, but she did give me a very important clue,” I clarified, lest there be any misunderstanding. “Flour.”
“Flour?”
“Flour. You see, the day we paid a visit to the Twines, Algis was baking pancakes, and his shirtfront was covered with flour. Only he also had some flour under his nose, which Matilda hastened to wipe off. Now how would a man get flour up the nose?”
“Unless it wasn’t flour but something else entirely,” said Harriet, understanding dawning.
“What was it, Max?” asked Dooley. “Was it sugar?”
“Not sugar, Dooley, but cocaine. Algis Twine is an addict, and Dylon Pipe was his dealer. Only Dylon kept ‘borrowing’ more and more money from the man, implying that if he didn’t pay up, he would reveal his dirty secret, so finally Algis was fed up, and after another one of their late-nightmeetings, where money and drugs changed hands, he decided to follow Dylon, who was on his way to break into Jay’s place and steal that necklace. And that’s how Algis found out what was going on.”
“And bashed in his dealer’s head,” said Harriet, nodding. “And it was the flour that did it, was it?”
“Well, Gran was baking pancakes, and Grace happened to cover me in the stuff, which is how I suddenly remembered our interview with Laia’s parents, which made me wonder if Algis hadn’t told us the whole truth. That, and the fact that he used to be a bruiser for an extremist organization back in the day when he was young and poor. His nickname was The Bludgeoner, and he loved smashing people’s heads in. So I guess that experience served him well when dealing with Dylon and Jay.”
“But why did he kill Jay?” asked Brutus.
“Because he wanted to save his daughter from an unhappy marriage. He figured that if Jay and Dylon were such great friends, Jay was just as bad as Dylon, and would lead his little girl to her ruin. And he couldn’t have that.”
“He could have argued with the guy. Or offered him money to walk away.”
“Which is exactly what he did, but then Jay must have figured he was coming into plenty of money from his insurance scam, and he was still hoping that necklace would turn up, so he could sell it for a nice chunk of change.”
“Algis must have been pretty enraged to kill the guy in such a brutal way,” said Harriet.
“Yeah, well, I guess his Bludgeoner days suddenly made a comeback. And also, he was high on the white powder at the time, courtesy of Dylon Pipe’s provisions.”
“So a dusting of flour and you caught a killer,” said Brutus, giving me a nod of approval. “Well done, Max.”
“There was also the fact that the killer had felt Laia’s pulse. What killer would do such a thing? It was one of those little things that kept nagging me throughout the investigation. And then it hit me: a father would want to make sure his daughter was all right. Which is also where that second phone call came from. Just before the neighbor called the police, Algis had already called 911, making sure Laia would get the proper treatment, and not lie there for hours until someone happened to stumble across her.”
Odelia now walked over, laden with delicious treats. We welcomed her with open paws, so to speak.
“Is Tex ever going to speak to Marge again?” asked Dooley anxiously. “I don’t like it when they are fighting, Odelia.”
“Oh, I’m sure everything will work out,” said Odelia with a wink. “In fact Mom has already promised not to draw naked men anymore. Instead, they’re going to paint cats from now on.”
“Cats!” Harriet cried. “Not… stuffed cats!”
“No, live ones,” said Odelia. “And more specifically, they’re going to paint you guys.”
“But I don’t want to be painted,” Brutus lamented. “Paint is bad for the skin, and it’s toxic when ingested.”
“They’re not going to actually paint you, Brutus,” said Odelia. “They’re going to create a paintingof you.”
“Oh,” said Brutus. “Well, I guess that’s all right, then.”
“Of course it’s all right. And this time my dad is even going to join in the fun. And all you have to do is sit still for a couple of hours and pose.”
We all gulped.“Sit still for a couple of hours?” I asked weakly. “But how?”
“I can’t sit still for hours,” said Harriet. “I have to go for a tinkle, have a bite to eat…” She shook her head decidedly. “I’m sorry, Odelia. But no can do. You’ll just have to find yourself a different cat model. Or better yet, a stuffed one.”
Odelia thought for a moment, then said,“Or you could simply take a long nap while we paint you.”
“Now you’re talking,” I said.
“Don’t say yes, Max,” said Harriet. “It’s probably a trick. I mean, what’s so interesting about a sleeping cat?”
“You’d be surprised,” said Odelia. “Watching a cat sleep is very soothing, and soothing is all the rage right now.”
She was right. After Tex’s whole semi-nude posing business, we all needed something soothing. Tex had proved a big hit at Charlene’s upcoming art show, but in the end the town council had decided to go in a different direction. I guess they didn’t want to scare off the tourists. So now the theme was pets. And you have to admit: who doesn’t like a pet? And so many possibilities offered themselves: some people keep pet turtles, others keep pet rabbits, chickens, hamsters, parrots… Though of course the absolute king of pets is still Felis catus.
“Here,” said Odelia, taking out her phone. “We’ve already started making some preliminary sketches. I’ve done Max.” A very smart-looking blorange specimen appeared, and I nodded approvingly. “Mom did Dooley.” A nice gray fluffball, nicely rendered. “Chase did Brutus.”
“Very nice,” Brutus murmured.
He looked like a cross between Rambo and Terminator, only the feline version.
“And finally Gran did Harriet.”
A sort of ratty growth appeared on her phone’s screen. We all recoiled in horror.
“But… I look like the stuff you fish out of the shower drain!” Harriet cried.
“Are you showing them my drawing, Odelia?” asked Gran happily. “What do you think? Pretty hot stuff, huh?”
But Harriet didn’t approve. Instead, she drew herself up to her full height, and cried, “I’ve had it with you people! First you kidnap me, then you put me to work as an art slave, then you cover me in toxic paint and threaten to stuff me, and now you turn me into this disgusting shower hairball! Well, you can all get stuffed!”
And with these immortal words, she stalked off, head high, tail even higher.
Gran watched her leave, and shrugged.“Oh, well. I guess everyone’s a critic.”
53. PURRFECT SLUG
CHAPTER 1
As it happens, a dark cloud had descended upon my hometown. And to think that the day had started out so sunny and bright. But then of course I’m not a fortune teller, so it’s always hard for me to know what is going to take place in the near or distant future. All I know is that I woke up experiencing a certain malaise, which is not my custom. And then of course Grace, our human’s little girl, discovered that cats have tails, and decided that pulling those tails provides a limitless source of joy, and so she’d been chasing my tail for the best part of the morning. Each time I thought I was safe, and had shaken off the infernal infant, there she was, giggling and gibbering, as human infants are in the habit of doing, and making a dive for my tail, giving it a forceful yank the moment she managed to take hold of the sensitive appendage. Not a pleasant way to pass the morning!