Fr?d?rique, who’d let rip an anguished cry as I was struck by said shoe, was gratified to see I was all right, and gave me a beaming smile. I’d already talked to her, and she’d told me that her human had displayed no suspicious behavior at all, unfortunately, but that she was hoping he still might at some point.
That evening, as soon as we arrived home, I told Odelia about my bright idea, and I could tell that it resonated with her as well, unlikely as it might sound.
And since I was going well, I decided to tell her about Gran and Marge and Tex’s visit to Andrew Dexter, which caused her no small degree of surprise.
“They did what?!” she cried.
Chase, who’d been checking something on his phone, looked up at her outburst.
“The snails again?” he asked. He glanced over in the direction of the backyard. “They’re back, aren’t they?”
“It’s not the snails,” said Odelia, looking a little irate, I have to say. “It’s my family. They’ve collectively lost their mind.”
“It had to happen sometime, babe,” said Chase consolingly. “They’re old, you know, and old people sometimes get all doddery and weird.”
“They’re not that old,” said Odelia. She gritted her teeth. “Wait till they get back.”
“Okay, you got me. What happened?” asked Chase, his curiosity piqued.
“Gran saw me hug Edward Dexter—though now it looks like it wasn’t Edward but his twin brother Andrew—and now she thinks I’m having an affair with the guy. And to make sure he breaks it off, she went over to his house to look for something she can hold over him.”
Much to his credit, Chase actually laughed. But when Odelia shot him a furious look, he quickly stopped.
“It’s funny!” he argued. “And besides, it shows how much they care.”
“It shows how nuts they are,” Odelia grumbled.
“Nuts, but in a good way.”
“I just hope Andrew doesn’t catch them in the act and files a complaint.”
“Yeah, that wouldn’t be good,” said Chase, sobering. “They won’t get caught. Your gran is getting pretty good at this kind of stuff.”
“Laugh all you want, but it’s not funny.”
“It’s a little funny, you have to admit.”
But she shook her head stubbornly, having folded her arms across her chest.“So not funny,” she insisted.
“Okay, so what’s all this about Edward Dexter not being Edward Dexter?” said Chase, wisely changing the subject.
Odelia perked up.“Well, turns out Edward is actually his twin brother Andrew, and Addie isn’t his daughter but his niece, and according to Andrew’s cat Dex, who is actually Edward’s cat, Addie isn’t missing but is still on her road trip.”
“Could be that Andrew didn’t tell his cat what’s going on.”
“Yeah, that’s possible. Not all people talk to their cats, I guess.”
“No, they sure don’t,” said Chase with a grin.
“Oh, and Max has a theory.”
“Of course he has.”
“If I tell you, will you at least try to back me up when I tell off my family?”
“You know I will, babe.”
“Don’t act as if it’s one big joke. This is serious.”
“Absolutely. I’ll back you up one hundred percent. They’ve gone too far this time.”
“Which is exactly what I intend to tell them,” she said.
It took a while for the trio to return home, having first dropped off Scarlett.
But when they came in, they looked as unhappy as any three unsuccessful conspirators could look. Looks like Gran hadn’t managed to crack that safe after all.
“So what’s all this I hear about you breaking into Mr. Dexter’s place?” asked Odelia.
Marge and Tex seemed taken aback, but Gran immediately went on the counter-attack.“And what’s all this about you and Dexter having an affair? And don’t try to deny it, missy,” she added, shaking a bony finger in her granddaughter’s face. “Cause I saw it with my own two eyes! And I have proof!”
“All I did was give the guy a hug, cause he just told me his daughter went missing, and he was obviously feeling bad. There is no affair, there never was an affair, and you should know better than to think such things about me, Gran!”
Now it was Gran’s turn to look startled. “You mean… you and Dexter…”
“There is no me and Dexter! I love my husband, and no Dexter will ever come between us!”
“Well spoken,” Chase murmured.
“I knew I should have talked to you about it,” said Marge.
“The pictures looked so convincing, though,” said Tex.
“What pictures?” asked Odelia. And when her mom showed her the infamous pictures on her phone, she said, “You thought this was me having an affair? You’re all nuts!”
“From a certain angle it looks as if you’re kissing the guy,” said Gran stubbornly.
“No, it doesn’t. And besides, Max and Dooley were there. Didn’t they tell you nothing was going on?”
“Yeah, they did,” Gran confessed sheepishly. “I just figured they hadn’t been looking. Either that or they were trying to protect you.”
“God, what a mess,” said Odelia, throwing up her arms.
“Is it true that you broke into Dexter’s place?” asked Chase, a glint of amusement in his eye, which he tried hard to hide by employing his gruffest voice.
“Yeah, we did,” said Gran. “Me and Scarlett broke in while Marge and Tex were distracting the guy. But we didn’t find anything. Except he’s got underwear with bitcoins printed on it. Which is just weird for a grown man, wouldn’t you say?”
“It’s hardly a crime,” said Marge.
She was eying her daughter with a touch of anxiousness.“I’m sorry, honey,” she said now. “I really thought something was going on between you and this billionaire. And the thought just made me sick.”
“Yeah, we all love Chase, and we think he’s the best thing that ever happened to you—and this family,” Tex added.
“Gee, Tex,” said Chase, “that’s the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me.”
“Well, it’s true,” said Tex fervently. “We love you, buddy.”
“Yeah, we really do,” said Marge.
Chase looked touched, and even Odelia’s expression lost that edge.
“That’s still no reason to harass perfectly innocent people,” she said, but I could tell that her anger had expended itself, and she was ready to forgive and forget.
“I’m sorry,” said Gran ruefully. “I overreacted. But I did it with the best intentions.”
“I know you did, Gran,” said Odelia, and for the next five minutes there was a lot of hugging and kissing and, in the case of Tex and Chase, backslapping.
In other words: time to get out of there!
And so Dooley and I quickly fled through the pet flap and into the backyard. When humans start getting sentimental, cats flee. It’s one of those facts of life.
And that’s when I caught a whiff of the same smell I’d experienced in Andrew Dexter’s backyard. And I knew I’d solved my second mystery of the night. And when I caught sight of a particular bottle, there was no doubt in my mind I knew what had attracted this army of snails into our lovely backyards.
CHAPTER 37
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Once again we’d entered the woods, for what I sincerely hoped would be the last time in quite a while. Some cats may love the woods—like our friend Clarice—and manage to survive out there, and even thrive, but I’m not such a cat. Give me my comfy couch and my bowl of kibble and my humans any time. Okay,so call me spoiled, but that’s how I roll.
We’d arrived at the same clearing where not-Cyril Wellbeloved had almost put us in his pot the day before, but this time we’d come with a small but impressive contingent of humans, and so there would be no capturing us now.
Odelia was there, of course, and Chase, but also Uncle Alec, who wanted to find out firsthand what was going on out there.
Chase knocked on the door, and when no answer came, bellowed,“Police—open up!”
The door was reluctantly opened to a crack, and when not-Cyril caught sight of the four cats seated at our humans’ feet, he said plaintively, “I wasn’t really going to eat them. And besides, how was I supposed to know they belonged to someone?”