I shivered. “Did she really say that to Lady Tyrwhit?”
“She did indeed, my lady. There were witnesses. The Admiral was quite put out and said she wandered in her mind. He sat on the bed beside her but she shrank from him as though she feared he might do her some harm. ‘I shall die,’ said the Queen. ‘I have no wish to live.’ The Admiral talked of their child, but she turned away from him.”
“I do not believe this, Kat,” I said. “She loved him dearly.”
“That was before…”
“Be silent, Kat.”
“Yes, my lady,” said Kat meekly.
After a while she went on: “My lady, should you not write a letter of condolence to my lord Admiral?”
“Do you think he needs condolence, Kat?”
“It is the custom and it would show correctness.”
I could not shut out of my mind the thought of him as he had looked at me in the chamber. And his wife Katharine had seen that! What had those weeks been like while she waited for the birth of her child, the child of her faithless husband? Condolence? How much had he ever really cared for Katharine Parr?
“No,” I said firmly. “I will write no letter of condolence because I do not think he needs it.”
“I shall write to him then,” she said and waited for me to forbid it; but I did not. Let her write or what she wished.
She did and I allowed the letter to be sent.
THE WEEKS PASSED. Rumor abounded and it chiefly concerned the Admiral and myself.
It was widely believed that now his wife was dead, the Admiral would marry me. I was not at all sure how I felt about that. If the Council gave their consent, perhaps there would be no reason why the marriage should not take place. Sometimes I was rather inclined to romanticize about that prospect. On the other hand, I drew back; I had no desire to be dominated by a man. I preferred those little skirmishes, those approaches and timely retreats. It seemed to me that while they persisted, it was the woman who was in control; it was she who said no. Once she had said yes, it would appear that she gave up her power and submitted. Look at my dear stepmother who had given her heart so freely. It was a battle between the sexes, and I was beginning to realize that I was of a nature which preferred conquest to being conquered.
And yet… the Admiral was a very exciting man.
If only I were a little older. Fifteen is really very young, and a knowledge of Greek and Latin does not help one to solve the problems which arise between a man and a woman.
Kat was excited.
“He keeps on the Queen's household,” she whispered. “Perhaps he wishes to have that ready and waiting for his new bride.”
“Methinks she would want to choose her own,” I said curtly.
“Oh yes…in time, but just at first…”
“You talk as though a new marriage is imminent.”
“Who shall say?” said Kat dreamily.
I knew that she and Parry gossiped constantly. Mr Ashley tried to curb his wife's chatter, but who could stop Kat? If I could not, no one could.
Parry even had the temerity to ask me whether, if the Council approved, I would marry the Admiral.
I hesitated for a second or two. I knew I must speak with caution even in my own household, so I said: “When the time comes to pass, I shall do as God shall put into my mind.”
“The Admiral will surely ask for you, my lady,” went on Parry. “I know that the matter is on his mind for he has spoken to me, as your cofferer, of your estate and possessions and the number of persons you keep in your household and of their cost to you.”
“He seems to take a great account of these matters,” I said coldly.
“He does indeed, my lady, and he is pleased that you are to have three thousand pounds a year as arranged in your father's estate. He asked so many questions about your lands and whether they were on lease or whether you had them for the term of your life that he must indeed be serious. I told him that these were matters beyond my knowledge.”
I was silent. The Admiral is a rogue, I thought. But I had always known that. Had I not seen him with my stepmother? And I knew what his plans were for me.
I would be wise to have nothing to do with the man.
“There is one other matter, my lady,” went on Parry. “The Admiral has asked me to suggest to you that you write a letter to his brother's wife. She has a great influence with her husband, and the Admiral thinks it would be an excellent idea if you sought her friendship. He has it in mind that you might be successful in persuading her—and through her, her husband—that you have a great eagerness for a marriage with the Admiral.”
“I do not believe he said that, Parry,” I said angrily.
“By my faith he did, Madam.”
“Then,” I retorted with indignation, “you may tell him that I will do no such thing.”
I dismissed him, feeling very uneasy. I wondered how much he knew of what had happened. That Kat Ashley was very well informed I had no doubt, and of course she could never stop her tongue wagging.
I SENT FOR HER.
“What have you told Parry?” I demanded. “Do you often speak of me?”
“My lady, he was in the household. He would have seen much for himself.”
I gripped her arm so hard that she winced. “But you have tattled,” I said. “You have told him, have you not, why we left the Queen's household so hurriedly?”
“Well, my lady, he asked so many questions…”
“And you told him! That was traitorous to me.”
“My lady, he would never tell. I made him swear secrecy and he said that if he were torn asunder by wild horses, he would never tell a soul.”
I dropped her arm, but my fear deepened. “There are times,” I said, “when I am uneasy about the Admiral. And all to do with him.”
“No need to be, my lady. He is a lovely gentleman. Parry and I agree that there is no other man in the world we would want for you.”
I was very unsure. The handsome gentleman did not have the same charm for me when he was absent. Then I could see all manner of dangers arising from my association with him. And as he seemed as equally interested in my possessions as in myself, I had no doubt that these possessions included a possible crown of England. I knew I had to tread very warily.
DURING THE NEXT WEEKS I was to realize as I never had before how many awesome dangers lie in wait for those who have a claim, however slim, to the crown.
It was a cold day in January when I was at Hatfield that I heard Thomas Seymour had been arrested. I retired to my room; I could not stop shivering and my head was aching so violently that I had to lie down. Kat came to me and lay on the bed with me and we talked of the Admiral.
Kat said: “It is that brother of his. He was always jealous because the Admiral is so much more handsome and popular.”
I answered: “Methinks the Admiral is not without envy of his brother either. But watch your tattle, Kat. It can be dangerous now… more so than ever.”
I think even Kat realized that.