I WAS NUMBED by the shock as the enormity of what had happened was brought forcibly home to me. The frivolous side of my nature retreated in shame and the sterner side took over. I had played my games too realistically. I was the first to know that in doing so I had placed myself in acute danger. When I thought of how carefully I had lived through those days when I had emerged from the Tower, how I had considered each step before I took it, I could not believe that I could have become so careless and foolish as to be involved in the death in suspicious circumstances of an unwanted wife.
I summoned Robert immediately. I must see him—and then send him away at once. It must not appear that I was in any way implicated. How could I say that? I was implicated. Mother Dowe and thousands of others were whispering scandal about me. What had I said to the Spanish Ambassador only the day before Amy Dudley died? What had Cecil said?
I knew that this scandal would go on reverberating round the world.
Robert must leave Court at once and I should have to put him under restraint. I must dissociate myself with all speed from this matter. It must be shown that however great a favorite a man was, if the charge of murder was brought against him, he must face it.
I arranged with Kat that he should come to me in secret, and when he entered the room he would have taken me into his arms, but I stood back, aloof, now the Queen.
Yet I knew that I loved him as I never had, nor ever would, love another person. Whatever he had done, I must still love him. I would always make excuses for him. Whatever he had done, he had done for my sake.
But more than Robert, I loved my royalty. I had to protect my future and my crown and at the moment my adored and adoring Robert was a threat to it.
“What happened at Cumnor Place?” I asked as coolly as I could.
“She fell from the top of a staircase and broke her neck. It was an accident.”
“At such a time?”
“There is no knowing when accidents will happen.”
“Who will believe it?” I asked.
“It matters not. You are the Queen. You will tell the people what they must believe.”
I shook my head. “That is beyond my power. The people will believe what they think to be the truth, and there have been rumors about us, Robert.”
He was a little impatient, even arrogant. Perhaps he saw himself already as King. Oh no, Robert, I thought. You shall not be King… not even you. This has shown me clearly which way I must go. But I did not say that to him. I wanted to know whether he had indeed murdered his wife.
“Robert,” I said, “did you…?”
“I was nowhere near the place,” he replied.
But a man like Robert would not need to be. Such distasteful tasks were carried out by servants. It was dangerous to employ servants to do such deeds. Servants, in certain circumstances, could be made to talk.
Oh, what a web I was caught up in. I should have known better. Had I not stepped into danger through Thomas Seymour? And now Robert. I should have learned my lesson.
“The people will never accept that she died by accident at such a time.”
“Does that matter?”
Oh Robert, I thought, you have a lot to learn of the people and me.
“I must be beyond reproach in such matters,” I said. “There must be no suspicion attached to me.”
“I will defend you.”
“Your main concern will be to defend yourself,” I said sharply. “You are the one who will stand on trial for this.”
“On trial?”
“Oh, we do not know what the outcome will be, but we must be prepared.”
“You are the Queen.”
“A queen might not survive through such a storm as this could raise.”
“Your father killed two of his wives and was still loved by the people.”
“The circumstances are different. They were accused of treason and the axeman killed them. This is the removal of a woman who, many will say, stood in your way.”
“Never fear. We shall come through this and then… there is no obstacle.”
He would have embraced me but I held him off. He did not see the change in me, but it had come. Never again would I risk my throne for the sake of a man. In future I should think first of the Queen.
“Lord Robert Dudley,” I said, “I am placing you under arrest.”
He stared at me incredulously.
“Yes, Robert,” I said. “There will be many questions to be answered and until they are satisfactorily dealt with, you cannot remain at Court. You must see that. Go to your house at Kew. Stay there. You will be confined to that house on the Queen's orders.”
He nodded slowly. “Yes,” he said, “I see that, as always, you are right. I will go to Kew. I will stay there and I know that we can arrange this matter satisfactorily and when it is settled…”
No, Robert, I thought, it can never be now, for whatever the verdict you are able to bring about, suspicion will always be there and never must a finger be pointed at the Queen with the suggestion that she had a hand in the murder of her lover's wife.
First it must be seen that he was under house arrest.
So he left with the guards and I knew that in spite of my previous frivolity, I was now acting like a queen.
IN MOMENTS OF DANGER William Cecil showed himself as the cool, wise counselor he was. He was deeply disturbed by the death of Lady Dudley.
He talked to me very gravely and I was glad that he approved of my action in confining Robert to Kew.
He discussed at length the danger in which I had been placed.
“There will have to be an inquiry and the servants at Cumnor Place will all have to give evidence. Whether they will be in favor of Lord Robert who can say? But doubtless Lord Robert will know how to act.”
“Do you mean he will be able to force his servants to say what he expects them to?”
“They are his servants. It is his affair. Your Majesty, your crown could be at stake. A verdict of accidental death must be brought in.”
“Will the people believe it?”
“There will always be some who do not. But that is inevitable. If a jury brings in a verdict of accidental death that will have to be publicly accepted. There are certain to be those who will believe Lord Robert guilty of murder… and Your Majesty with him.”
“That is impossible. I knew nothing of the woman.”
“The people believe that you wish to marry Lord Robert and Lady Amy was in the way.”
“I am innocent,” I said. “I know nothing of her death. Is the end of one countrywoman so very important?”
“Of the utmost importance. The people will accept political killings— even those such as occurred in your sister's reign. There is usually an excuse for them which people understand…or some do. No one will tolerate the murder of a wife by her husband in order that he may marry another woman. We must at all costs stop a charge of murder. Anything is better than that, because if it were proved to be murder, Your Majesty would be implicated. You must face the fact that your hold on the crown is not as firm as we should like it to be. Until now the people have shown their love for you in no small way, but a scandal of such magnitude could alter that. There is Mary Queen of Scots across the water, with the French King—and now possibly with Spanish help—ready to put her on the throne. And even nearer home there is the Lady Katharine Grey whose sister was queen for nine days, and she, too, is the great-granddaughter of your grandfather Henry VII. Your Majesty must walk warily.”
“I know it well, and I know too, good Master Cecil, that I can rely on your wisdom.”