MARY SIDNEY WAS NOT the sort of girl who could keep a secret and I very quickly discovered that something was on her mind. She was preoccupied, anxious and uncertain. I reproved her several times for her clumsiness; she did not even seem to hear me, which was strange because generally she was so sensitive and could be upset for hours after a reprimand.
I contrived to be alone with her after my toilette had been completed and I said: “Mary, you had better tell me what is on your mind.”
She looked startled and then fell on her knees and buried her face in my gown.
“You should be careful,” I said tartly. “Those aglets on the skirt can be very sharp if they catch your skin. I am always complaining about them.”
She lifted her face to mine and there was no mistaking her woebegone expression.
I said: “Take the stool. Now confess.”
“It is because we all love Your Majesty so dearly…”
“Yes, yes,” I interrupted impatiently. “That is the opening when people are going to admit to have done me some wrong. Get on with it.”
“We have done you no wrong, Your Majesty. Indeed not. There is not one of us who would not die for you.”
“So many have offered me their lives,” I retorted, “that the offer does lose its impact after a while—particularly as these offers are frequently given lightly, so that to offer a life to a queen has become almost a figure of speech. Don't try my patience further, Mary. Admit. Confess, whatever it is.”
“Robert loves you dearly. You are his life. If you could have seen his pride, his joy when you referred to him as your Eyes…He cannot live in this suspense, Your Majesty.”
“And what does he propose to do about that?”
“It was a plan.”
“Do you mean a plot?”
“I mean that Henry and I and Robert thought…if we could get the help of Spain to your marriage, you would agree to it.”
“And how do you think you could get the consent of Spain?”
“Your Majesty, Philip is no longer your suitor, but there is one thing that Spain desires above all else—perhaps more than an alliance through marriage. That England returns to Rome.”
“What!” I cried, almost jumping out of my chair.
“Well, we thought—Henry, Robert and I—that if Spain had the promise that England should be returned to Rome in exchange for their support in the marriage…”
“Indeed!” I cried. “And I suppose King Robert would have arranged this after the marriage?”
Mary was silent. I sat very still. You are not yet King, Lord Robert, I thought. And this is what you would propose! Consent to the marriage and you will return England to Rome!
How right I had been! He thought himself already King. What had de Quadra said: “Dismiss Cecil.” The cleverest and most unbiased counselor the Queen ever had! And all because he was what the Spaniards would call a heretic!
I began to laugh.
Mary looked at me wonderingly.
“Your Majesty is not angry?” she said pleadingly. “It is only because Robert loves you so much… because he is so impatient.”
“And because he is so ambitious, eh? Because already he feels the crown on his head?”
“I should not have told you.”
“It was your duty to tell me.”
“I was very worried to be involved in such a plan without your knowledge.”
“And so you should be. But you did well to tell me, and know this, and tell your fellow conspirators this, that whatever they think to plot without my knowledge, they will never succeed in it. There is one ruler of this realm and I am that ruler.”
“Yes, Your Majesty.”
“Bring me my looking-glass,” I said.
She did and I studied my face. Not beautiful…as Lettice Knollys was, but attractive with that white skin and tawny hair and large tawny eyes which had a faraway look, yet penetrating, because they were a trifle shortsighted. I touched my hair with my beautiful white hands. No one had hands quite like mine—not even Lettice Knollys.
I said, “Get your combs. I need my hair a little higher. Hurry, and take care that you do not pull.”
While Mary arranged my hair I was thinking: Sell my country to Rome! My dear Robert, you may be handsome, charming, much sought after by the women of my Court, but I am the Queen. I am the one who makes decisions. That is something you will have to learn.
No man shall govern me; and I shall govern my country.
TO MY DISTRESS Lady Jane Seymour died. She had been ailing for some time and had never been a strong girl. I had been quite fond of her and to please her family I ordered that she should have a state funeral in Westminster Abbey.
I missed her very much. Jane had been one of those good girls who never complained and was always willing to do what was asked of her.
I had always believed that I should show myself to my people, and I liked to move about the country so that those who lived in remote places could feel they had some contact with me.
Since the Amy Robsart scandal I felt more than ever the need to keep my people's good will and so I was traveling often. When we made these progresses through the country, the Court went with us. We stayed at the various big houses on the route and although my rich subjects found entertaining us very costly, they regarded it as a great honor and would even be piqued if their houses were not visited.
On this particular occasion we were in Ipswich and among my retinue was Robert, of course. As my Master of Horse he must always be with us and he would ride beside me which was all in keeping with the position he held and was one of the reasons why we had both thought it perfect for him.
I had not reprimanded him about his secret plot with the Spanish Ambassador, but I continued to hold him off, and he remained in a state of frustration which was sufficient punishment, I thought; since he was as ardently devoted as ever, I was quite satisfied with the state of affairs.
With us also was Lady Katharine Grey who had seemed very preoccupied of late. After Mary Sidney's confession, I wondered what Katharine was about. She was pale and there were rings about her eyes which I had not noticed before. She looked as though she was sickening for something. I was not greatly disturbed because she was after all a rival of whom I must always be conscious and my nature was not of a kind to endear me to such people.
It was while we were in Ipswich that Lord Robert surprised me while I was at my toilette.
It was early morning and he looked so disturbed that I dismissed my women and granted him an audience. I was looking quite attractive with my hair loose and in my petticoats, though when he appeared I immediately requested that a wrap be put about my shoulders.
When they had gone Robert seized my hand and kissed it.
“My dearest,” he said, “I had to come to tell you this without delay for I fear someone else should bring news of what happened last night and misconstrue…”
“Tell me quickly,” I cried. “I am all interest.”
“Last night Lady Katharine Grey came to my bedchamber.”
I felt myself go cold with fury but he went on quickly: “Oh, not on my invitation. She came to plead with me for help. I dispatched her with all speed, but I feared someone might have seen her either enter or leave my bedchamber and have come to you with some garbled story.”
“You had better tell me what happened.”
“She was not five minutes in my chamber. She was frantic with anxiety. That is why she came.”
“What is her problem? Does she want you to help her take the throne from me, or would she offer my country to Rome as a bait for their help?”
He flushed a little. Then he said: “She is pregnant and in a dire state.”