One of my ladies put a chair for me to sit in. She would have given me a concoction to smell for she feared I was going to faint, but I pushed her angrily away.
Sussex came with Burghley.
I cried: “Did you know that Leicester is married? He has married that she-wolf whom I took into my care.”
They said they knew.
“Everyone knew … except the Queen!” I cried. “By God's Precious Soul, how can I ever trust those around me again?”
“My lady … Your gracious Majesty …” said Sussex, “the news was kept from you out of concern for you.”
“Concern for me! When those two scoundrels conspire against me!”
Sussex said gently: “It cannot be said that they conspired against Your Majesty. They decided to marry, and they have a perfect right to do so. They are not royal persons who need the consent of the Sovereign.”
“They deceived me! They deceived the Queen! Let Leicester be sent to the Tower at once.”
Sussex looked at me earnestly and shook his head.
“Do you hear me!” I cried.
He said: “I hear Your Majesty, and I must tell you that you cannot send Leicester to the Tower because he takes an action which he has a perfect right to do.”
I glared at Sussex. “You would tell me, my lord, what I must and must not do?”
He looked at me steadily. “If I thought it was for the good of Your Majesty, I would risk displeasing you.”
There had always been something noble about Sussex. He prided himself on doing what he considered right. I could see that Burghley was gently shaking his head; warning me that I must curb my anger. I must not let people see how deeply Robert's defection had wounded me.
Sussex was saying: “Your Majesty must consider the effect such an action would have on the people. If they saw how great was your anger, they would believe those evil rumors which were once circulated about you and Leicester. I tell you this because I am prepared to risk your wrath in my zeal to serve you well.”
“And you, Burghley?” I said.
“Sussex is right, Your Majesty. You cannot condemn a man for entering into an honorable marriage if he is in a position to do so.”
“They have deceived me all these months. When I was at Wanstead… even then…”
Both men regarded me solemnly.
“I will never have her at Court,” I said. “I never want to see her evil face again. As for him… let him not think that he has escaped my anger. He is dismissed from Court. Let him go to Mireflore Tower in Greenwich Park and stay there.”
Sussex sighed with relief.
The first shock was over.
I WANTED TO SHUT myself away, to grieve in private. I had never known torment of this intensity. I could not stop images coming into my mind. I saw them together… that woman and my Robert. And how long had they been deceiving me, laughing at me? How dared they! I would never forgive them… either of them… certainly not her. She should be banished forever. I was already beginning to long for Robert's company, to think how dull the Court would be without him. It would be amusing to command him to return to Court and let his she-wolf wait for him to come back to her, which I would make sure he had little chance of doing.
I called on his sister Mary. She was disturbed to see me in such a state. I could see her lips quivering behind the veil she wore.
I said: “The rogue…to deceive me so…to marry that woman. Devereux died … conveniently, did he not? And after all I have done for him… What would he have been without me?”
“Sir Robert Dudley,” said Mary quietly, “member of an illustrious family.”
“Many members of which managed to find their way to the block… through their own pride!” I cried tersely.
“My grandfather went to the block to appease the people who blamed him for the taxes imposed on them by your grandfather.”
“Rogues!” I shouted. “The entire family. I should be thankful that I found out in time.”
She said: “If Your Majesty will give me leave to retire … You will understand I cannot remain to hear my family insulted.”
“You talk of insults. That brother of yours…he has taken everything and given nothing.”
“He would have given his life for Your Majesty.”
“Oh, Saint Robert! Lustful Robert who cannot keep his hands from a harlot!”
“Your Majesty is beside herself…”
“I would I were beside them. I would send them to the Tower… both of them… and imprison them in different towers. I would imprison them in spite of Sussex.”
“Your Majesty is too wise to do any such thing.”
“Wise!” I cried. “To trust those who have betrayed me!”
Mary was weeping silently and I found it hard to look at her, for even in such a moment I remembered all that she had suffered for my sake.
I turned away and went to my apartments where I shut myself in… alone with my grief.
The next day I heard that Mary had left Court. I wondered whether she had gone to him. They were a devoted family—those Dudleys; and they all looked on Robert as a god. They thought there was no one like him and so—God help me—did I.
Within a few days my anger against him relented. It was not his fault, I continually told myself. It was that she-wolf. She had special powers of sorcery, and what man could stand out against that? He had been seduced by that wicked woman.
I sent word that he might leave Mireflore for Wanstead if he wished. So he went and I suppose she joined him there. I heard that Mary Sidney was with them. No doubt they were discussing the fall of the Dudleys. Let them. Let them think he had ruined his chances at Court forever.
I took his picture out of the little box in which I kept it. How handsome he was. How well the artist had caught that look of distinction which no other man I had ever seen had possessed. I wept a little over that portrait. I kissed it and put it carefully away.
Then I plunged into an even more intense flirtation with Simier whom I affectionately called My Monkey.
I WAS ASSUMING a gaiety I did not feel to show my indifference to Leicester's marriage. Rumor reached me that Robert was furious with Simier for telling me of it as he had. Of course I should have had to know in time. I supposed Robert had been trying to formulate some brilliant scheme for breaking the news to me and making his excuses.
One day when I was on my barge not far from Greenwich, Simier came to join me there. We were laughing as we sailed along the river and the musicians were playing sweet music to the accompaniment of a boy singer. Whenever I passed along the river my people came out to wave to me and I never failed to show my pleasure and my gratitude that they had come to greet me. There were plenty of other craft all round for it was a pleasant day.
“The cheers, little Monkey,” I said to Simier, who was standing beside me, “are for me and not for you.”
He smiled and he said that he doubted the people saw him; all else would be blotted out by my dazzling presence.
“They see you,” I said. “There is no doubt of that, but perhaps some of them are not very happy to see you. My people are not enamored of foreign marriages. I remember their feelings when my sister married into Spain.”
“Ah, but your bridegroom will come from France, which is quite different from Spain. The Spaniards are so solemn, are they not? You would not say that of the representatives of France, would you, Your Grace?”
“Not of my dear little Monkey, most certainly.”
Then suddenly in the midst of this banter the shot rang out. It had been discharged from a boat nearby. One of the bargemen fell fainting to the ground not six feet from where I stood.
There was shouting and screaming. The noise was great. Simier had turned very pale and was looking at me in horror.