“I brought you strawberries, China,” Annie says, “dipped in white chocolate.” Even her food offerings seem sexual.
Jack and I finish cooking and leave Annie and Sam in charge of the music and the wine. I only blush a little when Jack can’t find the salt and I have to sneak into the bathroom for it. Annie talks at dinner about her two adopted kids. “Raising these kids to be capable of joy and laughter and intimacy, that’s my thing,” she says. “My other passions right now are… let’s see: Red Rocks at sunrise, struggling to learn aikido, helping people through my work, feta cheese omelets, hot-air balloons, and poetry.”
Sam puts his arm around her and raises his eyebrows.
“Of course, Sam, too — goes without saying,” she says. “It’s Sam’s eyes that I love the most.” She reaches to kiss him and there’s a level of intensity in the way their eyes lock and know and smile and I can barely stand it.
When they finally break apart, Annie turns to Jack.
“You know, I think everyone should know their passions and keep them in focus. How about you Jack, what are your passions?”
“Passions? I guess I’d say making my pictures, making love, making connections. And then — snowboarding at Winter Park, good jazz, China. And baseball.”
At least I come before baseball. Man I hope she doesn’t ask me this question. What could I say — making money? Getting to work on time? Filing 1040s? Alphabetizing my bookshelves?
“How about you, China? I love knowing this about my friends.”
Only Annie can ask these kinds of questions without having people laugh and make jokes about it.
“Well… um… cooking… and, Jack.” It sounds so lame.
“China’s been taking flying lessons,” Jack says with a smile to help me out, and I think I might kill him.
“Yeah, right — not really,” I laugh and reach to kiss him instead of kill him, trying to act like Annie. “And you, Sam, what are your passions?” A master of diversion, that’s me.
He’s ready. I think a person would have to be ready to be with Annie. “Music. Words. Annie and her kids. Writing. San Francisco. Sushi. Leather. Four-poster beds. Brunettes. The Victoria’s Secret store on Broadway. Foreign films, Rome, skiing the back bowls at Copper Mountain. Baseball…”
Sam is only stopped by Jack’s discovery that they both love the Cubs. I have a feeling he could have gone on all night and I’m impressed.
“Yeah,” I offer. “I had to entice Jack away from watching that big Cubs game tonight for this dinner.”
The guys look at each other, check the clock, then eye the TV off in the corner.
Annie laughs. “Go ahead and watch the rest of it, you guys. China and I will just lock ourselves away and do girl things, like maybe try on shoes.”
I sure hope she’s joking, because even my shoes are boring. We pour more wine and wander off to my bedroom while the men grab the remote and hit the couch.
“So, China, what’s with the flying lessons?” Annie asks as we settle in to talk. She doesn’t miss much.
I break down and tell her everything. How hard all of it is for me, all the things that Jack gives me, how uptight I feel. She just smiles.
“All that sensual stuff is good for you, I think, but what do guys know? I’m an expert at flying every which way. Remember, Sam lives a thousand miles away. All you need is a woman tutor. Those who can, teach. A tutor, darlin’, and then you need a good hard fantasy.”
Oh man, it was hard enough coming up with passions, and now I have to dig up a fantasy?
“I don’t really have any fantasies, Annie, except for Jack. But thinking about him during this just makes me nervous.”
“ No problem, China. I’ll loan you one of my fantasies to try on. Kind of like sharing clothes, except after you try it on to see if it fits, you can keep it if you like. I’m fond of fantasies with faceless men, you know, the kind of guy you never cook with, or fight with. The kind of guy who doesn’t know that the TV even exists while you’re in the room with him.”
Annie locks the door, lights the candles, turns off the lamp and lies down on the bed beside me. “Close your eyes, China.”
“But the guys are out there. This takes me forever, Annie.”
“It won’t. Trust me. You have to find the wildness deep inside of you. I’ll even join in.”
I peek, and Annie is lifting her skirt next to me and it’s the sexiest thing I’ve ever seen a woman do. She wears nothing underneath and she has no hair at all on her pussy and it’s beautiful.
“You can watch me, China, or we can put a scarf around your eyes to help you lose yourself and take off.”
I want to watch. I suddenly can understand why Jack wants this. I take my jeans and panties off as she instructs and I lie back and spread my legs. She props me up with the pillows so I can see, but I notice that she has closed her eyes and is touching herself.
“There’s a man,” Annie says, “who has come to me after midnight almost every night of my life. He is tall and has long, very black hair. I don’t know him, but I know he wants something from me and that he has to have it. He scares me sometimes. Touch yourself in any way that feels right, China, and I will tell you what he wants from you tonight.”
Annie is not exactly touching me, but she is only inches away and I swear I can feel her skin.
We lie at right angles so we can see each other. Her voice is like velvet when she says, “Don’t say a word, China, just touch yourself and listen to my story.”
You are lying on the beach in St. Croix and it is very hot. You’re wearing a white bikini and you have a tan along with your freckles. Everybody gets a great tan in my fantasies. You are stretched out on your blue beach towel that says ‘San Francisco Ballet’ across it in big letters. I am there with you, but I have left to wander down the beach to find us something to drink. You lie on your back with your hat over your face, but you can still tell that suddenly your sun is gone. When you take off the hat and look up he is there, standing over you, and he is tall with pitch black hair and soft brown eyes. You know him. It’s the same man you chatted with on the airplane, and who you have seen everywhere you go around town. He looks at you expectantly, and you can’t help but notice that he is fully dressed here on the beach.
“I’ve been watching you, China,” he says, and you think about moving and getting up but you don’t. Instead you look around and can’t figure out why there is suddenly no sun, no people, no noise, nothing except for this man staring at you.
“May I join you?” he asks sitting down right next to you, so close that he is just barely touching your skin, and you are hot all over again.
“Yes,” you whisper, because what else can you say.
It begins to rain, a gentle but steady rain here on the island. All you can see is the rain and the man and he moves until he’s blocking the rain from your face and he is inches away and he kisses you.
You think maybe you should get up and take this man to your room or maybe you shouldn’t, but then he says “Don’t move, China. I want you right here.“
The rain is not cold, but his hands on your legs feel like the sun and you move into his heat.
He asks you why you are wearing such bright red lipstick here on the beach and you say you don’t know, but then you remember your friend Annie made you put it on, and you remember that it is called ‘Scarlet Begonias’ and it is the same color that she put on your fingernails and your toes. You tell him this. He runs his finger across your lips. He begins to draw down your chest with his finger and stops just above your breasts.