It was better once we are in the office. It is quieter and I stop rubbing my hands.
My mom fills out some paperwork and I wait, not looking at anyone, though I can’t take my eyes off the tiny statue of a pyramid on the secretary’s desk. I reach out and poke it with my finger. It doesn’t look like the pictures I have seen in my books. It isn’t right.
I like looking at pictures of different places and then drawing them. I like the details.
“It has a crack in it. And the color is all wrong,” I said to the woman I haven’t looked at yet.
My mom makes a noise and swats my finger away from the pyramid. I touch it again anyway.
“It’s ugly. And it’s all wrong. That’s not how they’re supposed to look,” I said flatly. I tell the truth. It doesn’t look like a pyramid. I can make one a thousand times better than that.
The woman behind the desk clears her throat and reaches out to pick up the tiny pyramid and tuck it into her drawer so I can’t see it anymore.
“I’m so sorry. He has Asperger’s. He has trouble communicating,” my mother said and I feel the woman behind the desk looking at me. I don’t like the way she looks at me. People always look at me when my mom says that.
“Principal Higgins will be with you shortly,” the secretary said, her voice sounding funny and tight.
“Flynn. We talked about this. Remember what Dr. Johnson told you about not always saying what’s in your head?” my mother said quietly.
I remember. There isn’t much I don’t remember.
I start rubbing my hands again. Harder this time.
My mother makes another noise. She did that a lot. “Is there something in your throat?” I asked her.
She closes her eyes and I wonder if she is tired.
She reaches out and touches my hand. I don’t like feeling her touch me. My skin doesn’t like it. I pull away.
“Stop rubbing your hands, Flynn,” she said and I know she is mad. Dr. Johnson had shown me pictures of faces and told me what they were feeling. Right now my mom’s face looks like the guy with the angry expression.
The principal comes out and introduces himself. He holds his hand out for me to take.
I don’t.
My mom explained I had Asperger’s syndrome. The principal was looking at me like they all looked at me.
They talk a little more about giving me an individualized Education Plan with a focus on my behavior. I hear what he is saying, I just don’t get it. What is wrong with my behavior?
Then we are done and I am given a slip of paper with my schedule on it. My mom bites her lip and her eyes are getting watery again.
“Do you need me to walk you to your first class?” she asks me. The principal puts a hand on my shoulder and I push it away.
“Don’t touch me,” I said.
Principal Higgins clears his throat. “I’ll make sure he gets to his class. Don’t worry, Mrs. Hendrick.”
Before my mother leaves she says, “Be nice. Try to get along with people. This is our fresh start.”
I start rubbing my hands again.
There is a girl in my class with bright purple hair. She sits in front of me. Her hair is long and brushes the top of my desk.
I don’t like that.
I take my pencil and push the strands away, careful not to touch them.
She slouches down in her chair, her hair falling on top of my desk again.
“Move your hair,” I said loudly.
People are looking at me. They always look at me.
“Is there a problem, Mr. Hendrick?” the teacher, Mr. Goodwin, asks me. He is ugly with a bald spot on the back of his head. He made me stand in front of the room while he told everyone who I was. I didn’t like them looking at me. I told him he smelled like beer.
He let me sit down after that.
I hate when people looked at me. I put my head down and poke at her hair with my pencil again.
The girl turns around and her lips curl up. Was she smiling at me? Maybe she was nice. Maybe we’d be friends.
It would be nice to have a friend. I don’t think I ever had one before.
“What the fuck is your problem?” she asks, her lips still looking like a smile.
I frown, not understanding her question.
“Your hair was on my desk,” I said. She is pretty. I like the way she looked. Except for the metal in her eyebrow and her nose. Those aren’t pretty. Why did she put them there?
I point at the ring in her bottom lip. “Why did you do that?” I ask her.
The girl’s lip curls again. I can’t tell if she is smiling now.
“None of your business, freak,” she spits out.
I rock back in my seat. She isn’t smiling. She doesn’t want to be my friend. She is really mean.
I put my head down and tuck my hands into my lap, rubbing them furiously.
“What are you doing? Jerking off?” she asked me, her voice sounding not nice at all.
She leans down and looks under my desk to where I am rubbing my hands. Up and down. Over and over again.
“Fucking freak,” she hisses before turning around. And then she lifts her long purple hair and drapes it all over my desk.
I try poking it with my pencil but she keeps shaking it back in place. It covers my book and papers.
“Move your hair!” I yell, knocking my book off the desk and onto the floor.
The room is silent.
Everyone is looking at me.
I hate when they look at me.
“Mr. Hendrick, I think you need to leave,” Mr. Goodwin said, pointing to the door. Keeping my head down I leave the room. But I look at the purple haired girl before I do.
This time I know she is smiling at me.
-Ellie-
I laughed. An honest to god laugh. The hairy body pressed into me, a long, slobbery tongue darting out between black lips.
I nuzzled my face down into the furry neck and let myself smile. This was the only place I let myself do that.
The large dog bounded out of my arms and ran to fetch the rubber toy I had thrown. I grinned like a mad woman as I watched the light brown furry thing shake the toy in his mouth before bringing it back to me and dropping it on the ground at my feet.
“Good boy,” I cooed, scratching a spot behind his floppy ear.
“You should adopt him. You’re the only one he listens to,” a voice said from behind me. My smile dropped but my hand kept scratching the spot behind the dog’s ear.
“I don’t have time for a dog,” I said gruffly, forcing myself to remove my hand from the inviting warmth of fur.
Erin Hoffman, the director of the Wellsburg Animal shelter, gave me a smile that I didn’t return. She was about ten years older than I was and lived for her job. Good for her. I could admit, even to myself, that it would be nice to be dedicated to something…anything…like that.
I rarely said much during my volunteer hours at the shelter. Erin and I had only engaged in minimal exchanges. It’s not like I was there out of the goodness of my heart.
I had been given court ordered community service after getting caught with Stu and Shane vandalizing the old covered bridge outside of town over a year ago. We had been drunk. Stu had convinced us it would be hysterical to spray paint a cock and balls on the side.
It hadn’t been so funny when the cop car had driven by. And it was even less funny when I had been wearing handcuffs and taken downtown for processing.
I had been put on probation and was given a list of places where I could volunteer in order to “better the community.” My probation officer, Mr. Cox (go ahead and laugh, I did) thought the animal shelter would be a good fit.
“Since you’re not exactly a people person,” he had told me. And he was right. I wasn’t fond of people. Not even the ones I spent time around.