“I’ll tell you all about it soon, okay? I promise.”
I cringed instinctively at those words but nodded—even though he couldn’t see me. “Okay.”
“I need to give the phone back to Kate, but I wanted to tell you I’m here, I’m safe, and I love you.”
It was my turn to wipe the tears away now. “I love you too.” I handed the phone back to my brother. “Kate wants to talk to you again.”
I didn’t even think about why, until I saw Danny hang up the phone, sit down, and bury his head in his lap. “Danny?” I knelt beside him.
He was trying unsuccessfully to hold the sobs in. “She lost…”
She lost the baby! He didn’t have to say a word. I brought the wheelchair he occasionally used over to him and wheeled him down the hall. He kept his head down past all the partying people—many of whom cheered him as he rolled by—all the way to his room. Ava met me in the hall just outside his door. “I’ll take him from here.”
I wanted to object, but Danny grabbed my arm firmly. I knelt down beside him. “Hayley, please, just this once, don’t say anything. Just let it go.”
Let it go. I nodded, stood, and backed away. I stared Ava down as she wheeled him into his room and closed the door.
Let it go.
I felt a cold hand on my arm and turned to see Flynn standing beside me. “Come on.” She pulled me toward our room.
I took one last look at Danny’s door. I knew I’d lost now. Ava was going to get what she wanted. I’d lost. Kate had lost. Damn it, Danny.
Dinner was a mixed bag of tears and laughter later that night. The group of soldiers outside had dispersed, clearly fearful of the encroaching radiation from the missiles that had struck the San Diego/Tijuana hub. It would be several months before we’d even be able to safely leave this bunker, but we’d find a way to survive in here until then. I looked around the tables at the twenty-six men and women who had been living here at Disneyland for the past two years. I watched them interact with Blake, Flynn, and even Eddie—who had been released from his cell hours ago. Danny had asked to be excused from dinner tonight—he wanted one night to himself. Well, with Ava, of course. I was inclined to give it to him, but I had a few things on my mind that couldn’t wait. Turns out so did Blake.
I let Blake go talk to him first. When he returned, I stepped away from my seat at the table and walked down the hallway toward Danny’s room. I knocked on his door. Ava opened it a crack.
“I need ten minutes.” I didn’t even want to look at her, but I couldn’t help but take in what she was—or wasn’t—wearing.
She turned to look back into the room. “Should I let your sister—”
I shoved the door open then. “Ava.” I stepped up to her, face to face. “I don’t need your permission to talk to my brother. So move your T&A out of my way.”
“Hayley!” Danny snapped at me, then looked at Ava. “It’s fine. Could we have ten minutes?”
Ava glared at me but stepped out, in a transparent enough T-shirt—just a T-shirt.
I sat down opposite Danny, staring at him. Finally he raised his head and looked at me. “Nothing happened,” he said bluntly.
“She’s practically naked.”
“Hayley…nothing happened.”
“Today?” I don’t believe you.
“Ever.”
“And by nothing you mean…” Still don’t believe you.
“I mean nothing.”
“You haven’t even kissed her?”
“I haven’t.”
“And I’m supposed to believe that?”
“I don’t care what you believe.”
“So why let her sleep in here with you? Why let her dress like that?”
“She’s lonely.”
“Oh, bullshit.”
“Did you come in here just to yell at me? Cause if so, your ten minutes are up.”
I did want to keep yelling at him, and I still wasn’t convinced he was telling the truth, but I hadn’t come in here to make him feel worse. I took a deep breath and hit reset on my emotions. “I’m sorry about Kate.”
Danny’s shoulders sagged as he accepted my apology. He nodded. “I really wanted to be a dad.” The pain was thick in his voice. “That was really driving me—”
“You still can be.”
He bit his lip and shook his head. “She can’t…”
I knew what he was saying. Kate had been seriously injured—in the same storm that had killed Dad. “You know that for a fact?”
Danny nodded. “Yes.”
“That has to be terrible for her,” I said, then quickly added, “For both of you.” I placed my hand on his knee. “Is she okay otherwise?”
“I don’t know.”
“You don’t—”
“I don’t want to talk about it, okay? Especially not with you.”
Whoa! Wait a minute! “What’s that supposed to mean?”
“Nothing, Hayley. You should leave.”
“Uh, no, that’s not happening now. You’re going to tell me what you meant by that.”
“What’s the point?” There was plenty of anger in his voice. “Huh, Hayley? What’s the point in all of this?”
“All this?”
“Yeah—everything we lost. For what?”
“You mean why did you come after me?” I asked and he didn’t answer right away. Awesome!
“No, that’s not what I mean.”
By the way he said it, I almost believed him. “Okay. So what then?”
“Hayley, when you were little, when Mom and Dad fought all the time, I told you I would always protect you, that I would never let anything happen to you—that you would always be my number one.” He paused and stared at me until my eyes locked with his. “You may piss me off now and again—especially now—and your integrity may get on my nerves at the worst damn times, but if I’d have lost everyone else and only saved you, it would honestly have been worth it to me. But not vice versa.”
“Danny—”
He held up a hand. “I’m saying you’re still my number one. I was always going to—and would always—come for you. But that doesn’t mean I’m okay with everything that happened. That doesn’t mean this isn’t absolutely killing me right now. I really, really wanted to be a dad. That’s pretty much what kept me and Ava from…” He stopped his own sentence—the implication plenty clear. “That’s what kept me in this. Does that make sense?”
It would have felt wrong not to nod, so I did, even though I didn’t totally understand.
“There’s nothing for me to go back to now.”
“Danny, that’s not true at all. Kate is dying for you to come back.” Wow! Terrible choice of words!
“It is Hayley. It is. I can’t take this anymore. None of it. I don’t even want to go back to Hawaii now.”
“Danny, come on. There are so many people who love you and respect you and can’t wait to—”
“I just need a break, Hayley. I need a damn break. Everyone always expects me to be perfect, to carry the load, to figure everything out. I need that to end.”
“Danny, we don’t—”
“But you do.” He stood up now, his voice getting louder. “If I don’t come get you, you’re dead. I did, and now all these other people are dead. I’m not saying it’s your fault, but what was I supposed to do? How do I ever win?”
“Danny—”
“Hayley, damn it, enough.” He spun to me with fire in his eyes, but I hadn’t said his name this time. I pointed at the door, where Ava was standing. Please put some clothes on!