Reframe: Imagine the objects around you as virtual objects.
Usual Frame: My stress and anxiety are caused by events in my life.
Reframe: I won’t care about any of those events on my deathbed.
Usual Frame: I am in pain.
Reframe: I am in pain for a minute.
Usual Frame: You are the center of your universe and the highest priority.
Reframe: Viewed from space, everything looks small, including your problems
Usual Frame: You need to stop thinking negative thoughts.
Reframe: You can’t subtract negative thoughts. But you can crowd them out.
Usual Frame: I’m afraid to do the thing I know I should do.
Reframe: Life is short.
Usual Frame: I must do this pattern of behavior or else something bad will happen.
Reframe: I no longer need to do the behavior because less is more.
Usual Frame: Confidence is something you’re born with.
Reframe: Confidence is something you learn.
Usual Frame: People have better social skills than I do.
Reframe: I am in the top 10 percent of people with good social skills (after reading this chapter).
Usual Frame: Each person at the gathering is a source of potential embarrassment for me.
Reframe: Each person has a problem (social awkwardness) that I can solve right now.
Usual Frame: No one wants to talk to me. I’m boring.
Reframe: Everyone enjoys talking to people who show interest in them.
Usual Frame: Be yourself and keep it real.
Reframe: Adjust your communication style for the situation.
Usual Frame: Is this a good decision?
Reframe: Can we test it small?
Usual Frame: People judge me, so I feel bad when I mess up.
Reframe: People only care about themselves. They don’t care what dumb thing I did recently, even if they mention it.
Usual Frame: Stress comes with the job.
Reframe: Reducing stress IS your job.
Usual Frame: Why did I survive when others did not?
Reframe: It’s no different from a clock reading 2:00 PM exactly once a day. It is just cause and effect. It has no meaning.
Usual Frame: Why did I survive when others did not?
Reframe: Every specific thing that has happened to me since birth is extraordinarily unlikely. This is more of that.
Usual Frame: Why me?
Reframe: God needs you here for something important.
Usual Frame: I feel a responsibility to hold this guilt.
Reframe: You have my permission to release your guilt.
Usual Frame: I feel bad that I was the lone survivor.
Reframe: What would the dead want you to do—suffer or be happy?
Usual Frame: You could have done more.
Reframe: Everyone can do more. It is a meaningless concept.
Usual Frame: Avoid addiction.
Reframe: Choose your addictions wisely.
Usual Frame: People with bad judgment often pursue dangerous and unproductive pleasures.
Reframe: People need a minimum level of pleasure to make life worth living, and if they can’t get it safely, they will get it unsafely.
Usual Frame: Some people have no willpower. They are weak.
Reframe: Some people get more pleasure from certain vices than you do.
Usual Frame: There are good days and bad.
Reframe: All days are useful in different ways.
Usual Frame: Freedom is the ability to do what you want.
Reframe: Freedom’s just another word for nothing left to lose.
Usual Frame: I can’t handle this for the rest of my life.
Reframe: I can do anything for a day.
Usual Frame: I am a victim of my past traumas.
Reframe: History is imaginary.
Usual Frame: I am angry because something happened.
Reframe: I am living in the past.
and . . .
Usual Frame: I am anxious.
Reframe: I am living in the future (but not in a good way).
Usual Frame: You are the result of your traumas.
Reframe: You are a random bundle of loose wires.
Usual Frame: My trauma crippled me.
Reframe: My trauma is why I can kick your ass.
Usual Frame: Live in the now.
Reframe: Imagine even your smallest actions influencing your future.
Usual Frame: Safe things are safe. Dangerous things are dangerous.
Reframe: Safe-looking things can be dangerous. Dangerous-looking things can be safe.
Usual Frame: Happiness comes from within.
Reframe: Use the external world to program your brain for happiness.
Usual Frame: My mind is in my brain.
Reframe: My mind includes my brain, body, and physical environment. Any change to one changes the others.
Social Life Reframes
Usual Frame: Be yourself.
Reframe: Become a better version of yourself.
Usual Frame: Learn to love yourself as you are.
Reframe: Be glad your brain is pestering you to improve.
Usual Frame: This person needs my advice.
Reframe: This person might need some information, empathy, or some help organizing their thoughts.
Usual Frame: People who complain want solutions.
Reframe: Some people who complain just enjoy complaining.
Usual Frame: This person has a strong personality. I must become stronger to deal with it as an equal.
Reframe: This person is toxic. I must escape now.
Usual Frame: Giving compliments is awkward, creepy, or manipulative.
Reframe: Withholding a compliment is almost immoral.
Usual Frame: No one seems to find me attractive.
Reframe: I haven’t met enough people.
Usual Frame: I need to go find someone to be my romantic partner.
Reframe: I need to signal my genetic advantages to attract a romantic partner.
Usual Frame: I’m trying to make a dining decision with a crazy person. Please shoot me.
Reframe: It’s not about food. It’s about the illusion of control.
Usual Frame: I need a decision.
Reframe: I need a copilot to share the blame.
Usual Frame: The usual patterns hold (non-humor).
Reframe: The usual patterns are violated (humor).
Usual Frame: Marriage is about finding your soul mate.
Reframe: Marriage is about finding love with someone who values promises.
Usual Frame: Marriage is a great system, so if your marriage fails, that means one or both of you messed up.
Reframe: So many marriages ending in divorce proves that marriage is a poorly designed system.
Usual Frame: I want my relationship to last forever.
Reframe: Nothing lasts forever.
Usual Frame: This breakup ends my hopes for happiness.