I turn to Jilly, who stands in the middle of the cell with her arms wrapped around herself. Her party dress will give her little protection against the cold dark walls. The cell is remarkably like Levi’s in its simplicity. One cot bolted to the wall with a ratty blanket and a toilet in the corner. I lead Jilly to the cot and we sit. I wrap my arms around her. As Pruitt comes back down the corridor he slams the door shut on our little cell window. We are in the dark. For once I wish I could not see in the dark. Then I would not know how dire our situation is.
“At least when we die we will be warm again,” Jilly says.
I fear we will be too warm before we are allowed to die. I fear we will burn.
12
“It is so very ironic that I have just now realized something,” Jilly says. We lay side by side on the cot. Jilly uses the blanket because she is so very cold. I am more used to the damp darkness, plus I have on the leather pants and boots. I put my shirt on as soon as Pruitt closed our tiny window, and it helps to keep me warm.
“What’s that?” I ask.
“We live in a bubble. I don’t mean the people of the dome so much as us … the royals.” She smiles briefly, nothing more than a flash of her teeth and a flex of her mouth. “You are the only ones who call us that. We say titled or the gentry. It’s just another way of saying privileged, really. But what we really are is sheltered. Oblivious. It is really so very sad when you think about it. All those generations just pretending that all was right with the world, when in reality we were trapped in a bubble inside a bigger bubble.”
“At least you are trying to do something about it,” I say. “You saved lives. James, Lyon, Lucy, David, and Harry would surely have died if you hadn’t stepped up when you did.”
“Do you think they will know what has happened to us?”
“I would rather think about seeing them soon.”
“Oh, Wren, do you always see the best in everything?”
“I don’t know,” I confide. “I’d rather think it’s just hoping for the best.” I do not add that I never seem to see the best in myself. That all I see is the mistakes I’ve made and the things I should have done differently.
“I think you do,” Jilly goes on, and I let her because it is so much better than laying quietly in the dark and letting our fears consume us. “I think you bring out the best in people. You make them want to be better than they are. You inspire people.”
“I don’t know how,” I reply. “I know I certainly could do better myself. I had a golden opportunity tonight to tell everyone about the outside world, and I didn’t take it.”
“They would not have listened,” Jilly says with a quiet laugh. “The minute you opened your mouth you would have been carried out and locked away. You would have been declared insane and no one would ever see you again.”
“Has that ever happened?” I ask.
“I’ve heard of it happening. Our lives are so small that any incident, even if it happened a hundred years ago, is gossiped about for an eternity, it seems.”
“It would be a simple way to get rid of your enemies,” I conclude.
“Indeed,” Jilly agrees. “The offenders could have simply been put outside to fend for themselves.”
“They more than likely wound up with the rovers as their captives,” I conclude. Which reminded me of what we were originally discussing. “Findley said I had a captive audience. I should have found a way to make them listen. I was selfish, though. I wanted to see Pace.”
“He loves you so much,” Jilly says. “You are all he would talk about. Yes, he told me about the world out there, but so much of it was centered on you.”
“I am surprised,” I confess. “Things were not going too well between us.”
“Because of the American boy?”
“Levi.”
“Yes, he told me of that also.”
“I hurt him. I didn’t mean to. It just happened.”
“He must be very special to have turned your head.”
“That is one way to put it,” I say.”
“You are very lucky, Wren. “To have two such wonderful young men in love with you.”
“I don’t deserve it,” I say.
“But you do,” Jilly replies. “And not because you are special, even though you are. Because everyone should have someone who loves them and someone to love. Otherwise, why even bother to exist? Because, without love, that is all life would be—just existence.”
“Is that what you are fighting for Jilly?” I ask. “A chance to love?” When we met, she said she joined the seekers because she did not want to marry the man the matchmakers had chosen for her. The royals may have riches and comfort, but they also had to observe strict guidelines of who they could marry in order to keep their bloodlines from crossing too many times.
“Isn’t that worth fighting for? You wanted the freedom to choose your path. So do I.” She yawns. “I can only hope that this path does not lead to a dead end for both of us.” She yawns again. “I can’t believe that I am actually considering falling asleep. I thought I would be too frightened.”
“Sleep if you can,” I say.
“I’ll just close my eyes for a minute,” she says.
I stay quiet until I hear the steady breathing that lets me know Jilly has fallen asleep, finally. I am glad she is sleeping. I don’t know what tomorrow will bring, but I do know it will be easier to face with rest. If death can ever be easy to face.
Jilly said that Pace still loved me, and he declared his love once more this night. When we came back into the dome I was not so certain of Pace’s love. I know I hurt him when he saw Levi and me kissing after the battle. It is not that I meant to kiss Levi; it was more a result of the battle. We were both overcome with emotion after nearly dying.
With Pace, everything between us happened so fast. We only had each other to count on. I want to be sure my feelings for him are true, not just the result of the fact that we could have easily died and we did not know what moment would be our last.
Here we are, in the same situation once more. I do not know what the morning will hold for any of us. I know I do not want to go to my death with this uncertainty, nor would I wish it on Pace or Levi.
Pace has always remained true. No matter what. He could have very easily put me and his problems behind him. He was welcomed back as a hero, even though it was one of my father’s lies. He had everything he could ever want right before him. I suppose knowing there was more than the dome changed his perspective.
Pace could never live a lie. No more than I could. And we shouldn’t have to. No one should. I refuse to believe that this is the end of us. That we have come so far only to be beaten now. Yet I knew coming back into the dome was a mistake.
Now that Jilly is quiet I hear the background noises that fill this prison beneath the streets. Somewhere a pipe drips water. The prisoner in the cell next to us has a deep cough, one that makes me think he will not survive much longer. I hear the creak of a door and then the hard sound of boots against the stone floor in the corridor. Another door creaks and I can hear the rumble of a man’s voice and the higher one of a response. Whoever she is she must have been in the cell right across from ours. The walls are too thick to catch the words, but I hear a woman’s voice going on and on. It must be the one they are moving to my room. A door slams again, and quiet once more fills my ears, except for the steady drip drip of water from a broken pipe. My eyes burn with exhaustion, yet I resist the urge to sleep. I have to be ready in case Findley decides to make a move to help us. The sound of Jilly’s steady breathing finally lulls me, and, in spite of my determination to fight off sleep, I close my eyes.