Jilly puts an arm around my shoulder, and I lean my head against hers. “I feel like I’ve failed him,” I say. “Because I wasn’t there for him when she died.”
“We all have our own ways of grieving,” Jilly says. “He was worried about you too, until Dr. Stewart assured him that you would be all right. You can’t blame yourself for not being there. You were shot too. You could have died.”
“It’s just that he was there for me when I lost my grandfather. I know how he feels.”
“He hasn’t gone anywhere,” Jilly says. “You can still help him through this.”
“First I must find him.”
“Then go,” Jilly says. “Find him.”
I nod. But I have something to do before I leave. I touch Ellen’s hands that lay folded across her stomach. They are still and so very, very cold and empty. I squeeze them gently. “Thank you for raising such a wonderful son.”
20
I am weaker than I thought. I don’t know what I expected. I suppose the best thing for me to do would be to remain in bed until I can recover my strength. But since the past few weeks of my life have consisted of doing nothing but waiting, I carry on, through the wide gate that protects our enclave and over the flat-planked bridge that is as new as everything else. Jonah pauses to look at the water and reach out a tentative paw to test it. Huge rocks sit in the moat, and more are scattered about in the high grass that covers the gentle slope that leads down to the forest. They must be the remnants of the original walls. Given enough time, we could move them back into place to make our walls stronger.
Wouldn’t it be even better if we did not need the walls to stay safe? If we could all live together in peace? I feel that, for us, it will be a long time coming.
I have no idea where to find Pace. But I hear plenty of noise about, and there is a path between the neat rows of plantings, so I follow it with Jonah now scampering ahead. He will lead me to someone eventually.
“Wren! Wait!” It is Levi, coming through the gate. I stop and wait for him to catch up.
“Do you know where Pace went?” I ask. “Jilly said he went with James to dig a grave.”
“I don’t,” Levi says. “But I will help you find them since I know you are not going to stay in bed and rest.”
“No, I’m not,” I say with a smile. “It’s hard to believe all they accomplished in such a short time.”
“My uncle is driven under even the most normal of circumstances. He tends to do a lot when on land because there’s not much to do during flight.”
“You never doubted him,” I say.
“No,” Levi says. “But I did wonder what was taking him so long at times.” We go to the bottom of the slope and he plucks a stem of grass as we walk and sticks it in his mouth. “Patience is not one of my virtues either.”
“I know I was going crazy during the time we were locked up. At least I had books to pass the time. What did you do?”
“You mean when I wasn’t getting punched around by dear Mr. Pruitt?” Levi laughs as if it were all a game. “I did my daily calisthenics. I looked for ways out of the cell. And I thought about you quite a bit.”
“Levi…”
“No pressure, Wren,” he says cheerfully. “You know how I feel.”
Do I … Yes, I know Levi is attracted to me, and I know he likes to kiss me because he does at opportune moments, but has he ever told me his feelings? Has he confessed his love like Pace has on numerous occasions, even when he knows I am not sure about mine? Strange that this is the first time I’ve even realized this.
“I also had quite a talk with Findley one day. He was quite interested in the outside world,” Levi adds.
“But not interested enough to help us escape the rovers.”
“He’s biding his time, waiting for the right moment.” Levi speaks as if Findley’s actions are perfectly acceptable. I, meanwhile, am still angry with him at deserting us, as if he decided we were not strong enough to win this battle.
The trail leads into a section of forest, and we follow it through the thick trees while birds and squirrels scold us from the branches and Jonah stalks before us, ignoring the chatter. The land moves down and then up again, and we come out of the trees in the pasture where the ponies graze.
Ghost’s head comes up and he scents the air, then with a neigh and a toss of his mane he comes straight to me, with the other ponies following behind. It is amazing to see them move so confidently, even though they are blind from being born in the mines. He butts his head in my chest and snuffs heavily. His head jars my wound and nearly staggers me. Levi catches me before I can fall.
I’m so happy to see my favorite pony. “Ghost.” I wrap my arms around his neck, even though my wound pains me. “Oh how I’ve missed you and worried about you.”
“We took care of him for you,” Nancy assures me. “We bring them out to graze every morning and make sure they are safe at night.”
“We’re making carts for them too,” Freddie says. “So they can help with the chores. They also did the plowing. All of them.”
“They need to work,” I say. “They are getting fat from the grass.” Ghost snorts as if he understands me, and we all laugh.
I noticed the change in the world when we came out of the dome, but I was too busy trying to stay alive to enjoy it. Now I take a moment to really appreciate it. The blue of the sky, the green of the grass, the new leaves on the trees that are so much brighter than the evergreens. The way Jonah jumps and starts as if he is fighting an imaginary battle. The constant chirping of the birds and the small bursts of color among the grass that I suddenly notice.
I kneel down in the field and cup my hand around a pale violet … I look to Levi for the answer. He drops down beside me. “They are flowers.” He grins and plucks it from its stalk and places it in the braid around my head. “It is sad to think that you’ve never seen one, but such a joy to watch your discovery. This is just the first of many that will bloom here.” He touches one that is still closed up. “They’ll be in all their glory in a few more days.”
“I dreamed about it,” I said. “In my dream I knew what they were. I was in a field like this, and it was covered with flowers of so many different colors. And there were butterflies everywhere. I think that’s why I always knew I’d escape. Because of the dream I had, seeing it in my mind’s eye.”
“That is one of the best ways to accomplish something, by seeing it in your mind,” he touches my head. “And in your heart.” His fingertips graze the top of my breast. The way he looks at me I know he wants to kiss me again. But I won’t kiss him. Not today and especially not now when Pace is somewhere hurting.
Thank goodness for Nancy. She appears beside us with a fistful of flowers. “Can I put them in your hair?” she asks.
“Please do,” I say, grinning at her as Levi laughs.
She begins, humming a song while she weaves in the flowers. Jonah places a paw on my thigh and rises up to sniff the strange things in my hair. When Nancy is done, she steps back with a smile on her face. “You look like a princess,” she says, and pirouettes off through the waving stalks of grass.
“Girls,” Freddy says, with a roll of his eyes. Still he chases after her, and Levi and I both grin at their play.