“Jane has been reading them fairy tales,” Levi explains.
“I read some too, while I was held prisoner,” I say. “The princess always needs saving by the prince. I thought the princess should just get up and save herself.”
Levi bursts out laughing. “You sound exactly like Zan. God help your father if that’s all the books she has to read in there.”
“There were others,” I say. “Reading them gave me a better understanding of how the world was. I especially enjoyed Jane Austen’s stories.”
“I imagine the lot of them were first editions,” Levi says. “Dr. Stewart will never want to leave when he realizes all the treasures that must be inside.”
“Is that all you are worried about?” I ask. “The treasures that are inside? What about the people, Levi? A lot of them are suffering. Aren’t you worried about them?”
“Now where did that come from?” Levi asks. “Haven’t I proven myself to you over and over again?”
“You have,” I say. “I’m sorry. I just feel foolish, wasting my time here in a meadow of flowers when Pace needs me.”
Levi opens his mouth to say something, and then shuts it. He stands up and extends his hand. “Let’s go find Pace,” he says somewhat sadly. I feel wretched now, after spouting off at him. Or maybe it is just that I’m already tired and the day has just barely begun. I take his hand and he pulls me to my feet.
I give Ghost a good-bye hug, and we leave the lovely meadow and go back the way we came. We follow the path in another direction when we return before the enclave. Jonah comes galloping after us and flies by, intent on the new sights and smells before him.
“You’ve got to realize, Wren, that right now finding Zan is our first priority,” Levi says when we enter the forest once more.
“Of course it is,” I reply. “I wouldn’t expect anything else.” I feel the need to explain myself, especially since Levi has been nothing but kind. “It’s just that there are so many people inside who are suffering. You didn’t see the things I saw when I was out in the city. You saw the scarabs and that was only a part of it. Everyone inside the dome is at risk, including the royals. Jilly was just the start of it. Now that my father has found that he can touch them, he will eliminate anyone who gets in his way.”
Levi stops and grabs my upper arms as if he wants to shake me. “Wren, how many times do you have to be told that you are not responsible for everyone in the dome? How many more times are you going to risk your life to save someone you don’t even know? We went back in to save your friends, and it turns out the only one you really knew was Lucy. Isn’t it true that you only met the rest the one time?”
I cannot deny it. Still it sounds so callous the way Levi says it. “I could not abandon any of them.”
“How many more do you feel the need to save before you are satisfied? How many more chances do you think you have to cheat death?”
I know he feels guilty about shooting me, even if it was accidental. I don’t blame him. I’ve risked my life plenty on my own by rushing into situations without much thought. “Hopefully once more is all I’ll need.”
“Wren.” Levi shakes his head. “Do you know how lucky we were yesterday?”
“Believe me, I know, Levi. I know very well how close I came to dying. Or just wanting to die. But the people who are inside deserve a chance too. The right to chose has been taken from them.”
“Yes, by your father,” Levi spouts impatiently. “You are not responsible for him, either. The man didn’t even want you, and yet everything you do is because you want to win his approval.”
As soon as he says the words Levi knows they are wrong. I look at him in stunned silence for one long moment, and then I punch him in the jaw.
Punching him was a mistake. I should have just slapped him. My fist feels like I punched a cave wall, but I do have the satisfaction of knowing that I surprised Levi and may even have hurt him. His hand goes to his face and he tests his jaw by moving his mouth.
I turn to go. I don’t know where I am going but I do not care. I just need to get away. I need to find Pace. Before I take two steps Levi grabs my shoulder, wheels me around, puts his hands on my face, and kisses me.
I don’t want to kiss him. I just want to go. I could fight him, but I know that will just make him want it more. So I go perfectly still and wait.
He stops. He moves his head back but keeps his hands in place as he studies me, intently, his warm brown eyes searching mine until, finally, he sees the answer that he does not want to see.
“You choose Pace.”
“I do.” Once I say it my heart lurches in my chest. It feels as if I’ve been keeping my love for him locked away and suddenly it floods me, filling my soul with such a yearning that it hurts.
“Wren…” Levi moves a flower that’s come loose from my braid. “There is so much more out there. So much I want to show you. You don’t have to settle. Don’t you know that?”
“I’m not settling for Pace,” I say. “I love him. And he loves me. Don’t you realize that’s something you’ve never said to me? You’ve danced around the word, but you’ve never said it to me. Sure you want me. And you’ve asked me to run off and see the world, but you never said ‘I love you.’ Don’t you think that means something?”
He looks more stunned now than he did when I struck him. I step away, and his hands drop to his side. “I’ve got to find Pace,” I say, and I go, leaving him alone on the path.
Striking out on my own might not have been the best decision I’ve made, but since my recent history is full of bad decisions I carry on, even though each step is painful. I really should have reconsidered staying in bed. My wound throbs with every move I make. I also have no idea where I’m going. Jilly said something about a church with a cemetery. It seems like it would have to be close by if it served the people who used to live in our enclave.
The path comes to an end on a wider trail, similar to the one that ran close by the catwalk. Jonah turns west and gallops ahead only to stop and turn and look at me. I decide he knows more about this area than I do, so I follow him with my hand pressed against my wound. I have a horrible feeling that I am bleeding again.
We continue down the road, and another smaller one turns off to the left. Jonah makes the turn, and I follow along until I see a stone tower, much smaller than the one at our enclave. I continue on the path until the road curves, and suddenly I am standing before the stone remains of a small building. The roof is gone, but the frame is still there, four stone walls that form a peak on either end and a stone tower beside it. Beyond it is another stone building, small and cozy, in spite of its state; it probably was the residence for the minister.
I see the remnants of a fence also, twisted and rusted iron bars. Jonah trots through an opening, his tail the only thing showing through the tall grass, and I once more follow along. As I go through the gate I see slabs of stone sticking up in rows, and I stop to squat before one, bracing myself on it as I kneel down to look at the words carved into the stone.
The letters are faint and the stone is green with mold, still I run my fingers across them, as if touch will help me decipher the faded words.
Kathleen Simpson
Beloved Wife and Mother
B. June 22, 1803 D. March 9, 1854
She died three years before the comet came. But what about her children? Were they left outside to die, or were they lucky enough to make it into the dome? I suddenly realize that I am standing on her grave, and I stand and move off to the side, memories of Pace’s tale of how the dead were placed in the past coming back to me.
I am in a cemetery. This is where Pace came to bury Ellen. It’s a beautiful spot. At one time it was probably a lot more open, but now the trees are encroaching on it and weeds have overtaken the gardens. But the sunlight dapples through the leaves in a very pretty way, and somewhere close by a stream runs, and the flow of the water is soothing.