We all nod and voice our agreement.
“James and I will go in before the sunrise,” Lyon adds. “James, you might as well sleep on the Quest tonight.”
“I don’t think I’ll be doing much sleeping,” James says. “But I’ll try my best.”
“I best make sure the tank is ready,” Harry says.
“I’ll go with you,” Alcide adds, and they both leave. Everyone else rises and goes to prepare.
Levi was silent throughout dinner and the planning afterward. I see him talking to Adam and Jilly. I know I am responsible for his silence and for his seeming so sad. Jane was right. I misjudged his feelings for me. That does not take anything away from what I feel for Pace. It just means that I treated Levi badly, and he does not deserve that.
“Are you ready to go back to your room?” Pace asks.
“I left things in a bad way with Levi,” I say. “I need to talk to him tonight.” I don’t add the “just in case something happens to one of us tomorrow.” Lyon might act as if the attack on the dome will be easy. We all have learned since we came out that life is fragile. One or more of us could easily die tomorrow.
“Of course,” Pace says. “Just take it easy, please? Because I know you won’t tomorrow.”
“Help me up?” I ask. I am stiff from my wound, from lying about all day and from sitting too long. Pace helps me climb from the bench and Jonah jumps from his perch and stretches, making me envious at the ease with which he moves.
Even though Levi is talking to Adam and Jilly, I see him glance my way out of the corner of his eye. “Can we talk?” I ask.
He nods. “Outside? Can you walk that far?”
“I can,” I say.
“Not too far,” Pace says.
“I promise.”
“I’ll watch out for her,” Levi assures him.
“I know you will,” Pace says, and there is no malice in his words, no jealousy. I love him even more because of it, if it is even possible for me to love him more. And I find I can’t wait to find out.
But first, I must resolve things with Levi.
We go outside, silently, because I don’t know where to begin. Jonah follows, as I knew he would, and takes off through the gate and stops to sniff in one of the freshly tilled rows.
“Fertilizer,” Levi says as we see him squat.
“Is that what they are using to power the tank?” I ask. The Quest is powered by human waste, recycled from the water closets in the cabins. A remarkable invention, as far as I am concerned, and very practical.
Levi grins. “No. He’s come up with something he calls solar power. Somehow he draws energy from the sun. You can’t see it from here, but there is a series of panels that move and catch the sun’s rays. They charge a power pod inside and that’s how the tank moves.”
“Amazing,” I say. “Is that how our water tanks are heated too?”
“Yes,” Levi says. “Hot water with the turn of a knob.”
“I am anxious to try that out.” I say. “Hopefully it will take some of the stiffness out.”
“I never should have let you go out today,” Levi says. “But it was a way to be with you.”
We’ve been walking slowly the entire time we’ve talked and have arrived at the gate. The land falls away down the slope, and our view is unrestricted because of the clearing. Crickets chirp and the peepers add to the chorus and off to the right I hear the hoot of an owl.
“I missed this, inside,” I say. “All the sounds that you don’t really hear unless you want to.”
“It is peaceful,” Levi says. He looks up. The moon is just a sliver in the sky. It is not missed, as the stars feel as if you can reach up and touch them. Behind and above us the ropes that keep the Quest moored in place creak as the airship gently shifts on an air current that is too high to touch Levi and me. Beyond I can hear the hollow sounds of the tank and Harry’s and Alcide’s voices in conversation, too distant for us to make out their words.
Jonah pounces on something and I hear a squeak. “A mouse,” Levi says. It must escape him because he suddenly takes off down a row, darting one way and the next, and we both grin at his antics.
“I’m sorry for what I said today. About your father. I don’t know why I said it. I know nothing about your relationship with him.” He sighs. “I guess I really don’t know that much about you. I just wanted to pretend like I did.”
“You know me better than a lot of people, Levi. I’ve told you things that I’ve never said to anyone else. Not even Pace.”
“Sometimes distance makes that easier, I think,” he says.
“It does,” I agree. We don’t look at each other; instead we keep our eyes on Jonah, who is still after the mouse.
“Wren, I don’t want you to think that I don’t love you, because I do.”
I feel his eyes on me so I turn my head to look at him. “I love you too, Levi,” I say. “But it’s not the same love I feel for Pace.”
“Would you be surprised to hear that I understand?” He shrugs. “I just didn’t want you to think that I didn’t love you.”
“And I didn’t want you to leave thinking I hated you.”
“Can you tell me where I messed up? Besides the stupid thing I said today.”
“You didn’t mess up, Levi. You are wonderful and kind of scary, when I think about it. Because you’ve lived so much and done so much. But Pace—”
“Pace was there first,” Levi interrupts.
“No. Pace was just there. For me. Through everything. With no questions and no regrets. There was this moment…” I search for the words to try to explain. “It was when the filchers were after him. I was supposed to meet him to find out about Alex. He needed help and I asked him to trust me, and he took my hand and we just came together, as one. We didn’t know it at the time, but we figured it out. Through everything that happened, it wasn’t just me or him, it was the two of us together, fighting for our lives. For everyone’s lives. I guess I forgot that part because I was feeling so sorry for myself when the sunlight blinded me. But Pace kept on, doing what I couldn’t do. He never gave up on us or on our beliefs, while I was second-guessing myself on everything. What happened between us shouldn’t have happened. I’m not saying that I’m sorry that it did.” I stop. I don’t know what else to say, and I certainly don’t want to hurt him any more than I have.
“Thank you for being honest with me,” Levi says. He looks back at the cabin. “And if you ever—”
“Stop,” I say, and playfully punch him in the chest.
He laughs and his teeth flash in the darkness. “You can’t blame me for trying.”
“No,” I say. “I won’t.”
He stops laughing and looks down at me with such a sweet look on his face that it tears at my heart.
“You saved my life, Levi. In more ways than you’ll ever know. You helped me realize things about myself. I can never forget that. I won’t ever forget you.”
“You’re pretty unforgettable too.”
“Wait, pretty or forgettable?” I say, pretending like I misheard him.
We both laugh and Jonah jumps straight up in the air at the noise, and we laugh at his antics. But then I see someone standing amidst the trees at the bottom of the slope, and I grab Levi’s arm.
“We’re being watched,” I say, and of course he turns. “Don’t bother to look. You can’t see them.” He bends his head close to mine as if we are talking quietly.
“Hug me and look over my shoulder,” he says. “Do they have weapons?”
I do as he asks and stare off into the tree line. The man is tall and straight, and he has a rifle slung over his back. The figure behind him moves to his side, and I recognize them both at that moment. “It’s Ragnor and Janna.”