I cannot help him. It is not for me to do. I watch the smoke rise as the flames consumes James’s body, and I know that what was James is already gone, to be with Peggy so she will not have to be alone. Adam speaks, and I slip my hand into Pace’s as the words wash over me.
Do not look for me in the morning, for I will not be there.
Do not seek me at the table or by your side, but know I care.
For you will find me in the wind that rushes through the trees.
You will find me in the bird song as it carries on the breeze.
You will see me in the ocean, as it tosses upon the shore.
You will hear my voice at sunset as I whisper your name once more.
For I will always be with you as long as you remember me.
I will wait for you on the other side, until your face I see.
Then we will journey together, to the world that awaits us there.
Do not look for me in the morning, for I will be elsewhere.
Such beautiful words, and I know they came straight from Adam’s heart. When he is done he bows his head, bidding a final good-bye to his best friend and brother of his heart. His last tie to Peggy. Jilly slips by his side and takes his hand, and I see Adam squeeze hers, and my heart swells with the hope that they may find happiness with each other. The possibility is there. The seed has been planted, and with care it will grow.
One by one, people drift away. Ragnor and Janna disappear into the forest. Sally and George gather the children and head down the hill. Rosalyn, Colm, Joe, and Nellie follow, along with Freddie and Nancy. The Hatfields and Dr. Stewart leave, and Levi lingers for a moment, with Belle by his side, patiently waiting, and then he turns to go without a word. Harry and David are next, and Lucy takes my hand for a moment before they leave. Peter and Jon with Beau following along are next. Then Pace squeezes my hand, and Jilly joins him, and they go, leaving me with Adam and Alcide and Jonah, of course. He is determined never to let me out of his sight again.
We three are the last of our generation. We stand there close by the pyre, the three of us, letting the heat wash over us and not speaking. We have to step back as the pyre collapses inward and the fire burns higher and brighter until, slowly, the flames begin to subside and there is nothing left but a few charred logs and a pile of ash.
“Let the wind take him,” Adam says as a benediction. “Take him to a place where there is no fear or pain. Where there is only laughter and love.” He looks up to the heavens. “I will always love you, Peggy. I will always remember you, James. At least in death, you have each other. That gives me comfort.”
I place my hand on Adam’s back, and Alcide steps to his side. And with one last look, we move on, together, back to the enclave, where our friends are waiting.
The evening was full of sadness, but the next day is a cause for celebration. We are determined to make Lucy and David’s wedding full of joy, despite our loss of James. Zan takes on the project wholeheartedly, and Lucy, Jilly, and I, with Jonah the only male allowed, go to Zan’s room on the Quest to prepare for the wedding.
“I can’t believe I am nervous after all the time David and I have spent together,” Lucy confesses as Jilly bushes her hair.
“It isn’t nerves,” I say. “It is excitement. You are starting a new chapter in your life.”
“We all are,” Jilly agrees. “I cannot believe how excited my parents are. About everything. I think they might even try to have another baby,” she says with a grin.
“I know I am,” Zan says. “From now on, no more foolish impetuous decisions. I hate myself for going into the dome when I knew I shouldn’t. If not for me, James would still be alive.”
“Don’t think that, Zan.” I go to her and put my arms around her. “If there is one thing I’ve learned from all this, it is that you cannot live your life by regret.”
“We all have regrets,” Lucy says. “If not for me, Alex would still be alive.”
“But we would still be inside the dome,” I say. “Because Alex proved to us that the outside existed. That it was safe.”
“Isn’t it funny how one thing leads to another and then another and then something bigger,” Jilly remarks. “If not for me being in the kitchen by chance one day, when Harry made a delivery to the cook, I never would have known that there were other people as unhappy with their lot as I was. I never would have met all of you, my true friends.”
“James could have died just as easily fighting the rovers. Or by falling off the cliff like Eddie and his son. We have no way of knowing what fate had in store for him,” I say. “I knew James well,” I continue, thinking about the trouble between us and how, in the end, we were together as friends. “I know that he would rather die fighting and knowing that he saved a life. He died well, and he lived passionately, and he made a difference in his life and his death.”
“Here, here,” Jilly says.
“Remember him always here.” I touch Zan’s breast above her heart. “Keep him there always. But do not live your life with regret, or else he died in vain.”
Zan nods tearfully and smiles. “I will never forget what he did for me. And I will live a life that will make all of you proud. For James.”
We come together, the four of us, with arms around one another and heads together. We share our misty eyes and watery smiles, and then Zan breaks away and turns to her closet.
“The bride shall wear white,” she says, and pulls out a dress for Lucy. She hands me the yellow one I wore before and Jilly a soft pink and selects a blue one for herself. And for the next few hours I put away thoughts of revolution and death and just concentrate on being a girl whose dear friend is getting married.
And I think of Pace.
The ceremony is in the meadow where the ponies grazed. The grass is shorn, but the flowers are tall and a riot of color, more than I ever imagined seeing. An arch built from tree branches and decorated with ribbons and sprays of pink blossoms stands at the top of the gentle slope. The children chatter and frolic barefoot as everyone gathers. We may not possess much, but what we do have in the way of clothing is shared among us all. It is clean and mended and everyone has taken great care to make sure that they look their best. Lyon, Jane, Zan, Dr. Stewart, and Levi are dressed more grandly that everyone else, of course, but I know they would shine just as much without the fancy clothes. Zan does. Levi always will.
Still I only have eyes for Pace, who stands off to the side, wearing his enforcer uniform, without the gold bands and medals. Pip, on his shoulder, is the only gold adorning his uniform.
I gave Freddie and Nancy the chore of getting Ghost ready. They washed him and braided flowers into his mane and tail, and Lucy sits sideways on his back as we wait for David, Harry, and Captain Manning to take their places before the arch.
Captain Manning nods and I step forward, leading Ghost up the slope until we come to the place where they are gathered. David lifts Lucy from Ghost’s back, and I hand the lead to Freddie, who takes Ghost to the side, and then I move to my place beside Lucy.
I listen to Captain Manning as he speaks the words that will join them in marriage, and suddenly the meadow is filled with butterflies. The colors are wondrous and beautiful. Lucy laughs gaily and David picks her up by the waist and they spin around.
It is just like my dream except I am not alone. And I realize that what I set out to do came to fruition because I had these people around me. They gave me strength and they gave me courage. They gave me a purpose. They supported me and they followed me.