His eyes shot wide open. “What the hell? You said what? Why?”
One corner of her mouth lifted and she hitched a shoulder. “Call it woman’s intuition. Little things. I should have figured things out a long time ago.”
“No. Whatever.” He closed his eyes briefly. “Jesus.” His eyes opened. “That’s not right, Kass. I know he doesn’t feel that way. He never has and he never will. In my screwed-up way, I wanted to be close to him, but as usual, I made a mess of things. Don’t tell Chris this. Please? I’m just going to get the hell out of town again, and leave you two to live your lives.”
“Why did you come back?” she asked. “Why?”
He hitched one shoulder. “I just wanted to see him again. I guess I had some kind of crazy hope that maybe…” His voice trailed off. “It was stupid.”
He’d wanted to see Chris again. He’d hoped they could be together.
And then a question hit her, like a smack in the face. Had he been using her to get closer to Chris?
Oh god. She’d thought he cared about her. She cared about him. Stupid, stupid, stupid. The pain clamped down on her, crushing her, a knife turning slowly inside her. She felt like she might throw up. She stood. Her legs wobbled as she walked across the hotel room, not looking at Dag. She couldn’t look at him. In fact she could barely see, other than a small round window in front of her, everything else faded to black. She fumbled at the hotel door.
“Kassidy.” Dag spoke behind her, his voice ragged. She paused, bent her head, looked at the door knob. A harsh sob swelled inside her and she tightened her stomach muscles to keep it from bursting out, breathed in through her nose. She yanked the door open and walked out, down the hall and out of Dag’s life.
Chapter Eighteen
She couldn’t go home. Chris was there. She couldn’t go to her parents. There was only one place she could go.
Hailey opened the door of her small apartment and the surprise on her face quickly morphed into concern. “Hey,” she said, eyebrows pulled together. “Are you okay?”
Kassidy shook her head. She walked in, collapsed onto a chair and buried her face in her hands.
“Kassidy.”
She felt the warmth of Hailey’s hand as she touched her back. They weren’t the kind of sisters who hugged and touched each other. Hell, they barely talked to each other sometimes. But the gesture comforted her in some small, weird way.
“I’m okay,” she finally said, lifting her head. She dragged her palms over wet cheeks, pushed her hair off her face. “I think.”
“What the hell happened?” Hailey took a seat on her couch, her knees almost touching Kassidy’s at a right angle. Hailey’s legs were bare beneath the frayed edge of a pair of jean cut-offs. “It’s not Mom, is it?”
“No.” She squeezed the word out of a tight throat. “Not Mom.”
She leaned back and rested her head against the back of the chair, closed her eyes. Pain throbbed inside her, along with a swirl of confusion. “It’s a long story.”
“I’m sure it is.” But Hailey’s voice held none of her usual mocking tone. “Did you come here to tell me? Or just to…come here?”
“I don’t know. I just know I can’t go home.”
Hailey frowned. “You and Chris? Did you have a fight?”
“Sort of. My life is so messed up, Hailey.” She pressed the heels of her hands to her aching eyes. “I don’t know what’s going on and I don’t know what to do.”
Silence blanketed the room, but that was okay. Hailey probably didn’t know what to say and wisely didn’t say anything.
Finally Hailey did speak. “I know you probably don’t want advice from me, and that’s okay. I’m not exactly the best person to give advice anyway. But if you just want to talk…sometimes that helps.”
“Yeah.” Kassidy moved her head, eyes still closed. “Yeah. Okay.”
She told Hailey about her and Chris and Dag. Hailey listened and didn’t say much, and Kassidy appreciated that. She did not want someone judging her or telling her what a stupid idiot she’d been—because she already knew that.
“So Dag’s in love with Chris,” Hailey repeated slowly. “And Chris has no idea?”
“Nope. Never has. And Dag doesn’t want him to know.”
“Well. That sucks for Dag.” She eyed Kassidy curiously. “So why are you so upset?”
That was the big question, wasn’t it? Kassidy drew her shredded dignity around her as best she could, tried to gather up her running-wild thoughts. “I think I…sort of fell in love with Dag.”
Hailey’s mouth opened. Closed. She blinked.
“Not like you think,” Kassidy added. “I still love Chris. I think…oh god, this is crazy. I think I love both of them.”
Hailey blinked again. “Oh.”
Kassidy licked her lips, looked at her hands, her fingers twisting together. “But it hurts. I thought Dag cared about me too, and it hurts to think he was just using to me to get to Chris.”
“Ah.”
Kassidy lifted her head. Once again, Hailey had a holy-fucking-shit look on her face, though she said only that one word.
“And I’m terrified. Because I think Chris might have feelings for Dag. He won’t admit it. He’s such a stubborn ass.”
“What makes you think that?” Hailey’s words were a bare whisper, her eyes wide.
Kassidy couldn’t tell her what had happened last night. It was too personal. Too secret. Chris would kill her if Hailey knew about that. “I just…have a feeling. Some things…that happened.” She shrugged.
“I can’t believe that, Kassidy. Really. Chris loves you. He’s crazy about you. It’s so obvious, always has been.” Hailey gave a short laugh. “It’s enough to make me jealous.”
Jealous? Kassidy peered at her sister through gritty, swollen eyes. Hailey jealous of her? Yeah right.
“That’s not to say he doesn’t care about Dag. But…”
“Would a guy let another guy suck his dick if he wasn’t into that?”
Hailey didn’t even flinch. She met Kassidy’s gaze steadily. “I’ve met people who are…just…attracted to other people. It doesn’t matter if they’re male or female. It’s just some kind of chemistry or attraction.”
Kassidy nodded. Was that Dag? Mind-bogglingly, she was grateful for Hailey’s experience and her acceptance of the question for what it was. Jesus, her world had turned upside down and inside out.
Then, her body trembling, her stomach in knots, she spoke aloud the words that scared her the most, the ones she had to drag from way down deep inside, hoping that saying them aloud would take the fear out of them. “If Chris cares about Dag…and Dag cares about him…where does that leave me?”
“Oh Kassie.” Hailey swallowed. “You’re fine. I told you Chris loves you. Go home to him. Talk to him. Dag’s leaving and you two will be fine.”
“Can I just let Dag leave? Can I just let that happen, knowing they might…never see each other again? That they might…”
Hailey’s face flickered with emotions. “Are you asking for my advice?”
“No. I don’t know. I don’t know what to do! How can I live with myself if I never tell Chris the truth…about how Dag feels for him? What if that makes a difference? I’m so afraid! What if he really wants to be with Dag? Can I spend the rest of my life wondering that, keeping that secret inside me?”
Hailey bit her lip.
“But if I tell him, what if he decides he’d rather be with Dag than with me?”
“He wouldn’t do that.” Hailey leaned forward. “Chris loves you, Kass. You know that.”
Kassidy nodded, twisting her fingers together so tightly they hurt. Her eyes stung with more tears. “I just don’t want to lose him! But…maybe I already have.” The agony inside her burst out then in harsh, painful sobs and she bent over the arm of the chair, crying in breath-stealing, gut-wrenching gusts.