“Let’s sit.”
They sat side by side on the couch, Kassidy turned to face him. His heart constricted at the sight of her poor little face all swollen and red, the misery in her eyes, the quivering of her soft mouth. He touched his fingertips to her bottom lip.
“I went to see Dag. We talked. He says he’s leaving Tuesday morning to go back to San Francisco.”
Chris nodded. His body tightened, heart ached.
Kassidy drew in a long breath and let it out on a shaky exhale. “He told me something. Something in confidence. He doesn’t want you to know this, but I…” She stopped and breathed again. Chris’s gut clenched even more. “I’ve thought about it and I decided I have to tell you. I can’t live the rest of our lives keeping this from you.” Her eyes met his, hers liquid and dark, full of emotion.
“What is it?” His voice came out scratchy. He cleared his throat. “Oh fuck, Kass. Don’t tell me.”
He turned away and closed his eyes, blades slicing his insides open. He’d been afraid Kassidy had fallen in love with Dag. She’d gone to him. Had Dag fallen in love with her too?
Chapter Nineteen
Fuck. Fuck everything in the world. If he lost Kassidy… Pain seized Chris in a crushing grip.
He’d already lost Dag. That was bad enough. But to lose both of them…to each other? He wanted to puke up the coffee he’d downed earlier.
“I have to tell you,” she said softly. “You’re not going to like it.”
No. No. No. His head spun.
“Chris. Dag’s in love with you.”
The words pierced the fog swirling in his brain. He knew it. He fucking— What? His brain screeched to a halt like a record on a turntable. What had she said? His head snapped around.
“He’s… What did you say?” His eyes squinted at her.
“He’s in love with you. He always has been.”
He blinked at her. Wheels turning, processing information, but the hard drive in his brain was short circuiting and it wasn’t computing. “You’re telling me he’s gay?”
Dag had sucked his cock. Licked his balls. Put his finger… Chris shook his head. “He can’t be gay.”
“He says he likes men and women. But he’s in love with you.” Her voice cracked. She sucked in another quivering breath. “I had to tell you. So I know…whatever happens…we’re not living a lie.”
He stared at her, his forehead tight, body rigid. “Living a lie.”
She nodded, holding his gaze.
“What are you saying?” he asked carefully.
“I’m just saying…if you have any feelings for Dag…any…you need to tell him. To talk to him about it. To figure out what you want to do about it.”
“He’s my friend.”
His brain went empty. Total vacuum.
“I know,” she whispered, touching his cheek. “I know you love him as a friend. I know that, Chris. You missed him so much. You were so happy he was back. I’ve seen you together, how much fun you have, how much you guys care about each other. I should have realized sooner what it all meant…” She closed her eyes. “But maybe I was in denial too, thinking that I could be part of it.”
Still blank. Nothing. Wheels turning.
“Uh…no, Kass.”
“You should go talk to him.” Her fingers caressed his jaw, rubbing over the stubble he hadn’t bothered to shave off that morning. “Whatever. Only you really know how you feel. But you can’t let him leave like this.”
Oh, hell yeah, he could.
Hell no, he couldn’t.
Gut twisting, chest throbbing, head spinning, he could only stare at her. How could she be telling him to do that? How could she send him away? Who did she love? Him? Or Dag? It made no sense. “I love you, Kassidy.”
“I know.” Her mouth quivered into a small smile. “I know.”
“What if I don’t? I mean, what if I don’t go talk to him.”
She gazed at him. “I don’t know, Chris. I don’t know if we can be together unless you sort this out.”
“I don’t get it. If you’re thinking that I’ve been in the closet and hiding it from you all this time, that’s the—”
She shook her head. “I don’t think that. But if you don’t talk to him, if you don’t figure out yourself what your feelings are for him, I’ll spend the rest of our lives wondering about it. Hurting for Dag. Hurting for us. If you go see Dag and you guys talk and you come back to me, and Dag goes back to San Francisco and that’s the way our lives are going to be—fine.” A flicker of what looked like pain passed over her face. “If you go see Dag and you…” A small sob hiccupped her words. “If things turn out differently, well, then…”
Chris shook his head.
“I just don’t want to spend the rest of our lives not knowing the truth.”
“Kassidy. I’ll go see him if it will make you happy. But you gotta believe me–I don’t want to lose you.”
“Go see him.”
“I’ll…think about it.”
“He’s leaving Tuesday morning.”
Pressure built inside him. “I’ll…maybe tomorrow.”
How was she supposed to concentrate on work?
Kassidy almost considered going home sick Monday morning, but she’d missed so much time lately because of her mother she just couldn’t do it. The project was already behind schedule and she had a million things to do, not to mention check on her mother. Mom had another doctor appointment this week and she needed to make sure her dad was able to take her, and she had training proposals to review and…she couldn’t focus on any of that because she kept going over and over in her head her conversations with Dag and Chris.
And Chris, the big stubborn jerk, was sitting in his office pretending their life hadn’t just fallen apart, procrastinating on going to see Dag, and Dag was leaving…leaving! Tomorrow!
“Kassidy, did you sign off on those invoices?” Her boss, Paul, appeared in her office door.
“Um. Yeah. I gave them to…no, they’re right here. But I signed them…” She handed them over.
“No. You didn’t.” He frowned at them.
“Oh. Sorry! Here, I’ll just…” She reached for them.
“Did you review them?”
“Yes, of course. I mean, I think I did…”
“Kassidy, are you okay?” He squinted at her.
“Of course! I’m fine.” She flashed a smile.
“How’s your mom doing?”
“She’s doing okay. It will be a while before she’s…before…” To her horror and embarrassment her throat tightened on a huge sob and tears started running down her face.
“Oh Jeez.” Paul backed up a step. “Uh, Kass…you want…you should…why don’t you go home.”
“No.” She snatched up some tissues from the box on her desk. “No, I can’t go home. I mean, I’m fine.”
“But…”
“I’m sorry.” God, how unprofessional, breaking down in tears in the office. “I’m just a little stressed right now. I just need a minute.”
“I’ll send uh…Laura to check on you.” He disappeared.
She laid her head down on the desk. God, all she needed was to fall apart at work and get canned right now. She had to get a grip. It took all she had to get the tears under control, repair her makeup, and then head to the elevator to go see Chris.
He was in a meeting.
“Tell him to call me when he’s out,” she said to his admin assistant with a smile. Jessica was looking at her oddly, no doubt observing her swollen eyes and red nose, which she’d tried to camouflage with powder. In a couple of hours, rumors would be winding their way through the office grapevine that she and Chris were having “problems”. She knew how it worked.