“You want this.”
Dag moved his weight until his aching hard-on pressed against Chris, and he rubbed and shifted against him, sensation building inside him, tighter and hotter. He could come like this, just like this, not even inside him, just being with him…and he could make him come too.
But he couldn’t do it. Not like this.
He groaned and rolled off Chris onto his back on the floor, his cock throbbing, his lungs straining. He stared at the ceiling, at the stippled texture of the white plaster.
“We have to talk,” he finally said. He should sit up, but he didn’t move.
Finally Chris rolled over and got to his knees. “Yeah. Get up.” He rubbed flushed cheeks, swiped a hand over his brow. “Tell me. Tell me about it.”
Dag stared back at him, heart pounding. Could he do it? Ever since they’d met years ago, he’d wanted this, but had so feared losing Chris’s friendship that he’d locked it away inside him. Locked it away and thrown away the key.
He pushed himself to sitting and they sat there on the floor, clothes rumpled, hair messed, breathing rapidly. “Aw, fuck, Chris.” He sucked in a long breath of courage. “I fell in love with you right from the start,” he confessed in a low voice. “It just happened.”
“Shit.”
“Yeah.”
“I never knew, man.”
“I know. It’s okay. I wouldn’t have told you because…I valued our friendship. I didn’t want to lose that. You were such a lazy-ass slacker, I don’t know why I cared about you.”
“Musta been my good looks.”
Dag’s heart stuttered and he choked on a laugh at Chris’s unexpected joke. “Yeah, right.” His smile faded. “I never wanted you to know.”
“Had you been with…guys before?”
“Yeah. Some.”
“I never knew that.”
“I know. You made it pretty clear that disgusted you.”
Chris bent his head. “Uh. That’s not exactly true.”
Dag stared at the top of Chris’s head. “What do you mean?”
Chapter Twenty
Kassidy sat in the condo, alone. She should make some dinner. Chris was late, really late, but he still might show up, and she should eat anyway, even if he didn’t, but the thought of food just made her stomach heave.
He hadn’t returned her calls or responded to her text message. She had no idea what was going on. Was he pissed off at her for bugging him? Or for going home without him? Had he gone to see Dag?
She gazed at the three creamy pillar candles on the coffee table, sitting on the pretty carved dark wood holders Dag had picked out. The rule of three. Heat flashed in her chest.
She rose to her feet, wandered into their bedroom and flopped down on the bed, facedown, breathing in the sheets that still smelled like Chris and Dag, their masculine scents mingled with fabric softener and her own scent. Tears prickled her eyes and she stubbornly fought them back. She’d cried enough goddamn tears over this.
She rolled to her back.
Had she had some crazy idea that she could love both of them, and they’d love her back and they’d live happily ever after? Who did such a thing?
It probably happened more often than people knew. Nobody would talk about it though.
But it was crazy.
And she’d been crazy stupid to fall in love with Dag, because he’d likely only used her so he could be with Chris. Another knife sliced through her at that thought. She’d really thought he’d cared about her—once again, crazy stupid.
She remembered the tenderness of his touch, the warmth in his eyes as he looked at her, the affection and passion in his voice. She’d thought that had been for her. But it had all been for Chris. He’d come back for Chris.
She squeezed her eyes shut, though, remembering Dag looking at her like that. God, she was confused. But maybe this pain and misery, maybe losing everything was what she deserved. She was a good girl and she’d done bad things. Now she deserved whatever she got.
After several heavy beats of silence, Chris lifted his head and met Dag’s eyes. Anguish tightened his features, the corners of his eyes, his mouth, his square jaw. “When I was fourteen years old, my dad caught me…fooling around with another guy. My friend Cam.”
Dag sucked in a breath. “Jesus.”
“We were young, horny, hormonal–attracted to each other on some level, I guess, but too young and stupid to know what was going on. Things got hot and heavy and my dad walked in on us–holy fucking shit, did he flip out. I thought he was going to have a heart attack.”
Dag had met Chris’s parents a couple of times. His dad was a really nice guy but definitely a straight-laced conservative, stern and uncompromising. No doubt where Chris got his stubbornness from.
“He beat the crap out of me,” Chris continued in a low voice. “Really worked me over. He and my mom didn’t speak for weeks over it. He wouldn’t tell her why, and neither would I.”
Dag felt his stomach drop. Chris’s upbringing had seemed so privileged, so normal. He would never in a million years have thought his old man had ever beat him.
Chris’s gaze met Dag’s. “I swore I’d never do that again. You can imagine the effect that had on a teenage kid.”
“Uh. Yeah.” Shit. Dag’s heart constricted. Then he gave a crooked grin. “That just shows the difference between us, huh? If that’d happened to me with my old man, I’d’ve been out screwing every guy in sight. Just to defy him. In fact…” He shrugged. “Maybe that’s what I was doing.” He met Chris’s eyes. “I’m sorry that happened to you.”
“I’m not going to lie and say I lusted after you all those years. I turned that part of me off. I wouldn’t let myself go there. But you know I care about you, man. And I gotta think…” He rubbed the back of his neck, looked up at the ceiling, blinking. “That having all those threesomes with you was…”
“A way for us to be together.”
Chris’s eyes closed, his mouth a straight line, and he gave a barely perceptible nod.
Dag reached for Chris’s hand, twined his fingers between Chris’s and clasped it tightly.
“For me too,” he murmured. “Except I always knew it.”
“It was so hot,” Chris said, voice low. “Seeing you like that, being with you like that.” He swallowed. “Why’d you leave, Dag?”
“I had to leave. I knew it was never gonna happen between us, so I had to go. L.A. was okay, but I moved to San Francisco thinking things were more open there and maybe I’d find someone else. I fucked my way through guys, girls, threesomes, foursomes. I never found anyone else.”
“Ah hell, Dag.”
Chris’s eyes looked glossy as he again met Dag’s.
“I told you, don’t feel sorry for me, asshole.”
“And I told you, I don’t, dickhead.” Chris rubbed his eyes.
Dag shifted his body over the carpet, closer to Chris, cupped his jaw and lifted his face, looked at Chris’s mouth. His eyelids dropped. He moved closer. And he kissed Chris. Their mouths connected, opened, Chris’s tongue swept over his and Dag felt Chris’s hand lift and fist in the back of his T-shirt as the kiss deepened and heated.
Chris pulled away. “Stop.”
“No.”
“Stop, dammit.” Chris grabbed Dag’s head with two hands and held him away from him. His eyes blazed at him. “All right, damn you, I want this. I want you. Fuck.” His eyes dropped closed and he swallowed. “But I can’t do this to Kassidy.”
Dag’s heart plunged. He stared back at Chris.
Chris met his gaze steadily. “I can’t do this…without Kassidy.”
The sound of the door opening alerted Kassidy and she lifted her head, turned her face to the bedroom door. The outside door of the condo clicked shut. It had to be Chris. She pushed herself off the bed, ready to rush out to see him, but she paused. Her stomach tightened and her mouth went dry. She swallowed, took a long breath, no idea what she was about to face.