“And what about you, Matt?” she spat at him. “You rot at the beach forever?”
“Maybe. Or maybe I grow like a strong old tree, put down roots, and enjoy my life with the people who sit under it and don't want to shake the tree every ten minutes, or chop it down. Sometimes a quiet life is a good thing.” The concept was entirely foreign to her. She loved excitement. No matter what she had to do to create it.
“You're not old enough to think that way. You're only forty-seven, for chrissake. Hamish was fifty-two and he acted half your age.”
“And now he's dead. So maybe that wasn't such a hot idea either. Maybe somewhere in the middle works. But whatever the case, your path and mine have gone in different directions forever. I would drive you insane, and you would kill me. Not a pretty picture.”
“Is there someone else?”
“Maybe. But that's not the issue. If I were in love with you, I would drop everything and follow you to the ends of the earth forever. You know me. Romantic fool, all that stuff you think is so incredibly stupid. But I'd do it. The trouble is, I'm not in love with you. I thought I was. But I guess I got off the train somewhere along the way, and didn't know it. I love our kids, and our memories, and some crazy, young lost ancient part of me will forever love you. But I don't love you enough to try again, Sally, or to follow you forever.” And with that, he stood up, bent down, and kissed the top of her head, and she didn't move as she watched him walk to the door and open it. She didn't try to stop him. She knew better. He meant every word he said. He always did, always had, always would. And as he stood there, he took one last look at her before he left her life forever.
“Bye, Sally,” he said, feeling better than he had in years. “Good luck.”
“I hate you,” she said, feeling drunk, as the door closed.
And for Matt, the spell was broken at last. It was finally over.
25
MATT HAD DINNER WITH PIP AND OPHÉLIE AT THEIR house, to exchange presents with them the night before Christmas Eve. They had decorated the tree, and Ophélie had insisted on cooking a goose for him, because it was a French tradition. Pip hated it and was going to eat a hamburger, but Ophélie had wanted to have a nice Christmas with him, and she had never seen him look better.
They had both been busy and had hardly talked in the past week. He had never mentioned to her that he had seen Sally, and he wasn't sure yet if he would. What had happened between them still seemed private to him, and he wasn't ready yet to share it with her. But there was no question, it had liberated him, and although Ophélie didn't know what had happened, she could sense it. And as always, he was extraordinarily gentle and loving with her.
They were planning to exchange gifts that night, but Pip couldn't wait until after dinner. She insisted on giving hers to him, and wanted him to open it immediately, when he threatened to save it till Christmas.
“No! Now!” She hopped up and down and clapped her hands, watching him excitedly as he tore off the paper, and as soon as he saw what it was, he burst into laughter. They were a man-sized pair of giant yellow, fluffy Big Bird slippers, and they fit him.
“I love them!” he said, hugging her. He put them on and kept them on through dinner. “They're perfect. Now we can all wear them in Tahoe. You and your mom have to bring Grover and Elmo.” Pip promised to do that, and then was overwhelmed when he gave her the beautiful bicycle he had gotten for her. She rode through the dining room and living room, nearly knocked over the tree, and then took it outside to ride it down the block while her mother finished cooking dinner.
“What about you?” he asked Ophélie, as they each sipped a glass of white wine. “Are you ready for a present?” He knew his would be a double-edged sword, and there was a chance it might upset her, but in the long run he thought she would be pleased. “Do you have a minute?” She nodded and they sat down, while Pip was still outside trying out her new bike. And Matt was glad to have a moment alone with her mother. He handed her the wrapped gift, and she couldn't imagine what it was. It was in a large flat box and didn't rattle.
“What is it?” she asked, looking touched before she even saw it.
“You'll see.” She tore off the paper and opened the box. It was bubble-wrapped and flat, and she made her way cautiously through the wrappings, and then as the last bit of paper came away, she gasped, and her eyes filled with tears instantly. She put a hand to her mouth and closed her eyes. It was Chad, and it looked just like him. He had made a portrait of him to match the one he had done of Pip for her birthday. She opened her eyes and looked at him then, and then sank against his chest, crying.
“Oh my God, Matt… thank you… thank you…” She looked at the portrait again. It was like seeing her son again, as he smiled at her. It made her realize yet again how much she missed him, and at the same time it put balm on the pain. It was perfect. “How did you do it?” It looked exactly like Chad, even the smile was exactly him.
Matt pulled something out of his pocket and handed it to her. It was the framed photograph of Chad he had taken from her living room when he first thought of it. “I apologize. I'm a kleptomaniac.” She laughed when she saw it.
“You know, I looked for that. I couldn't figure out where it went. I thought Pip had taken it, and I didn't want to upset her by asking. I thought she was hiding it in her room, or a drawer… but I spent weeks looking for it.” She set it back on the table in the living room from where he'd taken it to do the portrait. “Matt, how can I ever thank you?”
“You don't have to. I love you. And I want you to be happy.” He was about to say more, as Pip flew through the door, with Mousse barking behind her. He had been running along beside her.
“I love my bike!” she shouted, as she crashed past a table in the front hall, and narrowly missed another one, and then came to a screeching halt in front of them as she put the brakes on. It was a very grown-up bike, and it was obvious that she loved it. And then Ophélie showed her the portrait of Chad, and Pip grew silent.
“Wow…it looks just like him …” She looked at her mother, and the two of them held hands and stared at it for a long time. All three of them had tears in their eyes. It was a tender moment, and then Ophélie smelled disaster brewing in the kitchen. The goose was not only cooked, but nearly burning.
“Yuk!” Pip said as Ophélie served it.
They had a delicious dinner and a wonderful evening, and Ophélie waited to give Matt her gift until Pip went up to bed. It was special, and important to her, and she hoped he'd like it. And his face, when he opened it, was as moved as hers had been when she saw the portrait. It was an old Breguet watch of her fa-ther's, from the fifties. It was a handsome piece, and she had no one to give it to now. No husband, no son, no brother. She had been saving it for Chad, and she wanted Matt to have it. He put it on reverently, and was as pleased and touched as she was with Chad's portrait.
“I don't know what to say,” he said, as he looked at the beautiful timepiece and then kissed her. “I love you, Ophélie,” he said quietly. What they shared was everything he wanted it to be, not like what he had shared with Sally. This was quiet and powerful and real, two good people slowly and solidly bonding to each other. He would have done almost anything for her, and she knew it. And for Pip as well. She was a good woman, a great woman even, and he felt incredibly lucky. He felt totally safe when he was with her, as she did with him. Nothing could touch them within the circle of the powerful force that they shared.
“I love you too, Matt… Merry Christmas,” she whispered, and then kissed him. And in the kiss was everything she felt for him, and all the passion she'd been resisting.