That's what leaders do.
"Now, let's say they come get us," I started for the hundredth time.
"And, like, the halls are full of zebras," Iggy muttered sarcastically.
"And suddenly tons of bubbles are everywhere," said the Gasman.
"And then everyone starts eating beef jerky," Nudge suggested.
"Yeah," said Iggy, rubbing his hands together. "I'll grab a zebra; Gaz, you fill all the bubbles with your trademark scent, so people are choking and gagging; and let's throw beef jerky right into their eyes! Now, that's a plan!"
They all collapsed into laughter, and even Fang grinned at me as I gazed sourly at the flock.
"I just want us to be prepared," I said.
"Yeah-prepared to die," said Iggy.
"We're not going to die!" I snapped. "Not now, not anytime soon!"
"What about our expiration dates?" Gazzy asked. "They could show up any second. And what about stupid Angel, turning on us?"
There was a lot I wanted to say to him about that, but now wasn't the time.
I opened my mouth to spout some reassuring lies, but the door opened.
We tensed, turning quickly to see a whitecoat coming at us, armed with a clipboard. He checked his notes and pushed his glasses up on his nose.
"Okay," he said briskly. "I need the blind one and the one that can mimic voices." He looked up expectantly as we stared at him.
"Are you on drugs?" I asked in disbelief.
"Me? No," he said, looking confused. He tapped his pen against his clipboard. "We need to run some last tests."
I crossed my arms over my chest as Fang and I instinctively moved between the whitecoat and the rest of the flock.
"I don't think so," I said.
The whitecoat looked surprised at my noncompliance-obviously he hadn't read all of our case notes. "No, come along now," he said, striving for authoritative and achieving only weenie.
"You're kidding, right?" I asked. "Unless you're packing a submachine gun, you're flat out of luck, buddy."
He frowned. "Look, how about they just come along peacefully, and there won't be any trouble."
"Uh...how about, no?"
"What kind of trouble?" Gazzy asked from behind me. "I mean, anything to break the boredom."
The whitecoat tried to look stern. "Look, we're trying to explore other options to your retirement," he said. "You might be useful to us in other ways. Only people who are useful will survive the By-Half Plan. Actually, it's really more like the One-in-a-Thousand Plan. Only people with useful skills will be necessary in the new order, the Re-Evolution. You should want to help us find out if you're at all useful to us alive."
"Because we're probably not that useful dead," Nudge said thoughtfully.
"No," I agreed. "Well, maybe as doorstops."
The whitecoat made an "eew" expression.
"Or like those things in a parking lot that show where the cars should stop," suggested Iggy. He closed his eyes and went stiff, to demonstrate what it would look like.
"Also an option," I conceded, while the whitecoat looked horrified.
"No," he said, scrambling for composure. "But China is interested in using you as weapons."
That was interesting. "Well, you tell China to bite us," I said. "Now, skedaddle on out of here, before we turn you into a doorstop."
"Come for testing," he tried firmly one last time.
"Come back to reality," I said, just as firmly.
He turned angrily and headed for the door. Gazzy looked at me, like, Should we rush him, push past him? I shook my head: Not now.
"You'll pay for this," the whitecoat said, flashing his ID card at the automatic lock.
"Boy, if I had a nickel for every time I've heard that," I mused.
52
See, when you're an evil, endlessly funded insane scientist, you have both the means and the motive to, say, suddenly gas a whole room of hostage bird kids.
Causing said bird kids to pass out without even realizing it and then wake up in a metal cage in the middle of a field.
At night.
Some of you have probably jumped ahead and are already at the place where you realize this happened to us, and I'm not just rattling on hypothetically, so good on ya!
"Unhhh," Gazzy moaned, starting to stir.
I forced myself to sit up. There were no lights. Even the moon and stars were blocked by thick, low-lying clouds.
"You are avake, yah?" said a voice in a horribly recognizable accent.
"Yah," I muttered, rubbing my head. "And you are still a butthole, yah?"
"It's time for you to be eliminated," ter Borcht said, sounding gleeful. "You don't cooperate vis de tests, you are useless to us."
I helped Nudge sit up, rubbing her back as she cleared her throat.
"I don't believe this," Fang muttered, rolling his shoulders. He looked around at our cage. It was big enough to hold us, as long as we didn't want to do anything frivolous, like stand up or move around.
"Believe it," said ter Borcht, clapping his hands together. "Tonight ve implement our Re-Evolution Plan! Vhen ve are done, ve vill haf a world of less dan a billion people. Each country vill be under our control! Dere vill be no illnesses, no veakness. De new strong, smart population vill save dis planet und take us into de tventy-second century!"
"Yeah," I said. "And if you look in the dictionary under 'delusional megalomaniac,' you'll see your picture."
"Nussing you say vill bozzer me," ter Borcht said more calmly. "It is time to eliminate you. You haf failed all de tests. You are not useful."
"No, but we're dang cute," I said, willing my brain to start churning out ideas. I scanned the sky and the field as best I could through the bars, but I saw nothing. Come on, come on, I thought.
"Max?" Nudge whispered. She edged closer to me and took my hand. I squeezed hers reassuringly, but I was thinking that maybe our time really was up. The five of us were hunched back-to-back inside the cage, all of us looking out.
Then a clumpy blob was coming toward us, growing larger. It took only a second for me to see that it was a group of people walking across the field. Probably here to get good seats for the fun. Some of them were wearing white coats, of course, but not all of them. My eyes picked out Jeb and Anne Walker.
"How can we break out of here?" Gazzy whispered so only the flock could hear.
"There's a plan," I murmured back. "There's always a plan." Well, it sounded good.
"Children," said Jeb when he was close enough. "It doesn't have to be this way."
"Okay," I said. "Let's have it be different. Let us out of the cage!"
He pressed his lips together, giving his head a tiny shake.
Next it was Anne's turn. Inside the cage, we were practically vibrating with tension.
"Do you know what's really sad?" she asked.
"That pin-striped pantsuit?" I guessed. "Those sensible shoes?"
"We gave you every chance," Anne said.
"No, see, giving us every chance would be opening this cruel and inhuman cage and letting us out," I said, ready to explode. "That would be every chance. This way, you've only given us some chances. You see the difference?"
"Enough!" ter Borcht barked. "Dis is pointless. Ve're just vaiting for de executioners. Say your good-byes."
"Good-bye," said a sweet little-girl voice.
And then a shiny metal bar swung through the air and smacked ter Borcht's head with a sickening, melonlike splat.
53
Well. It certainly got exciting as heck after that.
"Angel!" Nudge screamed, echoed closely by Gazzy. Fang and I threw ourselves against the cage bars, shaking them hard, searching for weak points.
Angel nimbly bobbed and weaved, her white wings beating as fast as my heart. She dive-bombed the group of scientists, who scattered, screaming for Flyboys to come to the rescue.
"I can't break it!" Fang said, slamming his fists against the cage.