And I was very glad she had.
After having to repeat every other question at top volume for Aunt Sue, and printing out a very large print version of her statement for Aunt Millie to read, we were finally cleared to go home by the officers. But before we could leave, a Disney rep came out apologizing profusely for our ordeal and asking us each to sign a set of documents saying we wouldn’t sue them for having allowed Lani into the park armed. When they sweetened the deal with annual passes for us all, we happily agreed.
But by the time we finally left the security office, the sun was setting, the air was cooling off, and even the aunts were finished with Disney magic for the day. We threaded our way back to Cal’s Hummer, dropped Millie off at her retirement village, then headed to Palm Grove for the first time in days.
It was finally safe for me to go home.
Not, mind you, that the condo really resembled a cozy home at the moment. As we stepped through the front door, the scent of industrial cleansers burned our nostrils, a large, bleached spot on the living room rug a reminder of what had happened here. I made a mental note to get the carpets replaced ASAP. Our belongings were still in a state of disarray from the break-in, there was nothing to eat that hadn’t spoiled in the fridge, and the place was like an oven from being sans air conditioner all day. But, still, it was good to finally be home.
Aunt Sue made a beeline for the kitchen and began immediately dialing for pizza. Which left me awkwardly standing in the doorway alone as Cal checked the place out. So…are you coming in? I asked, suddenly fidgeting with my hands, though I wasn’t really sure why. Cal’s job was over. I was safe, the killer was behind bars. Really, there was no reason for him to stick around.
Cal’s eyes stopped sweeping and locked squarely onto mine. Do you want me to?
Oh, boy. That was a loaded question. One I wasn’t really sure I had a loaded answer to. I shrugged my shoulders. I guess I don’t really need protection anymore.
That isn’t what I asked.
I bit my lip. I know. Well, I mean, if you’re hungry, Aunt Sue’s ordering pizza. So, if you want to…
But he cut me off. Do you want me to come in? It’s a simple question, Tina.
But it wasn’t. And we both knew it. I could feel his eyes intent on me, doing that looking-right-through-you thing.
I shifted onto my heels. I knew if I said yes, I wasn’t just agreeing to an evening of pizza and chit chat. And while part of me, the part that had melted into Cal’s arms that afternoon, had melted into his kiss the night before, melted every time his dark eyes bore into mine the way they were doing right now, really, really wanted to shout yes at the top of my lungs…somehow I couldn’t make my mouth form the word. What if Cal didn’t really want the kind of pizza I was offering? Or, worse yet, what if he said he did, then changed his mind in the morning? I’ve been around Hollywood long enough to know that guys like Cal didn’t end up with short, purple-haired, funky journalists like me. Guys like Cal ended up with supermodels, leggy blondes, stacked beach bunnies. So, as much as that little hopeful corner of my heart was rearing its ugly little head, my shoulders shrugged again, and I answered, It doesn’t matter to me.
Cal’s face shut down, expression blank. It doesn’t. A flat statement, not a question.
I swallowed down a lump of some indefinable emotion. I mean, it’s just pizza, right?
It is. Again, not a question. He blew out a breath, shook his head. Jesus, Bender, can’t you let go for just a second? Just let the guard down and drop the tough chick attitude.
I cocked one hip. In case you haven’t noticed, I am a tough chick. I’m sorry if you find my personality so annoying.
Right. You’re so tough you don’t need anyone. Don’t need any friends, any man. Me.
I bit my lip. I didn’t say…
But he didn’t let me finish, his eyes going dark and unreadable behind his thick lashes as his voice rose. Because I’m just a rent-a-goon to you, right? Just the hired muscle. Just some guy to use to your own advantage, just like everyone else in this town, then dismiss as easily as anything when you don’t need him anymore.
That’s not fair! I protested.
No, you know what’s not fair? he asked, his fists clenching at his sides as he took a step toward me.
Instinctively I took one back.
What’s not fair is I really thought there was more to you, Bender. That beneath that armored shell of yours lay an actual caring human being.
I crossed my arms over my chest in a protective gesture, hating the way tears suddenly stung the back of my eyelids. You don’t know me, I countered.
No. You’re right. I don’t. Turns out, I don’t know you at all.
Those tears threatened to spill down my cheeks, but I defiantly held them back. I would not cry. I would not show him how much those words hurt. They didn’t. He was right. Had he ever promised to be more than a bodyguard to me? No. He’d done his job. I was alive, the stalker was behind bars, awaiting a trial that would be providing me salacious headlines for months to come. What more did I expect? Your job is done, what do you care? I shouted back.
His nostrils flared. You think this was all just a job to me?
I bit my lip. Wasn’t it? Again that nasty little hope flared up. Just a little. Just enough that I felt myself watching his lips anxiously as he replied.
He shook his head ever so slightly, his expression almost sad now. God, Tina, if you don’t know the answer to that… He trailed off. Then ran a hand through his hair. Clearly it was a job I never should have taken.
And just like that, the hope died a quick and painful death, shriveling into nothing.
Well, it’s over now. You can leave, I said, biting the inside of my cheek to keep those damned tears at bay.
Cal gave me one last look, then spun around and crossed the street.
I wanted to run after him, apologize, beg forgiveness even though I wasn’t exactly sure what I’d done wrong. How that whole conversation had slipped away from me so quickly, I didn’t know. But nothing about it had been what I’d wanted to say.
Only I didn’t run after him. I stood with my arms wrapped around my middle as I watched Cal climb into his Hummer, slamming the door shut behind him so violently I was surprised it didn’t fall off its hinges. Then he roared the beast to life and gunned the engine, his tires squealing as he raced out of the complex like he couldn’t wait to be rid of me.
I took a deep breath. I counted to ten. I told those tears if they dared to fall down my cheeks they were dead meat.
Tina?
I sniffed hard. Yeah? I answered, my voice only marginally shaky.
Aunt Sue came up behind me. I ordered a large pepperoni. Cal’s not staying for dinner?
Do not cry. Don’t you dare cry! No. I cleared my throat, swiping the back of my hand over my damp cheeks. No, Cal’s gone.
Oh. That’s too bad. Well, I hope you’re hungry at least?
I turned, pasted a smile on my face, and lied through my teeth. Famished.
One pizza and three hours later, I’d tucked Aunt Sue into bed with a paperback Nora Roberts and slipped on a pair of sweats, snuggling into my own bed. But, as drained as I was, I wasn’t quite ready to fall asleep yet.
There was one more person I had to talk to first.
I grabbed my laptop from my bag and booted it up, barely waiting until the welcome screen had cleared before opening an IM window and hoping he was still up.