Amanda tried not to feel angry. Most Healers felt this way. They were excited to heal every Scar, free every spirit, save every soul. She knew she should feel this way too and probably would, if their pain didn’t affect her so.
“Yeah,” Amanda said, breathing out hard. “Double the fun.”
Cole gave her a squeeze, letting her know he understood her reluctance.
“I struggle with one person’s pain. How will I deal with two?” she asked.
“You can do this, Amanda. You’re so much stronger than you know,” Madgie whispered. She felt Madgie’s warm hand enclose her forearm. “Don’t try to separate your love from their sorrow. It’s your love that releases them from all of this. Allow yourself to take their grief on to your shoulders without resistance.”
“I don’t know that I can, Madgie!” Amanda squeaked as
John stepped nearer to Mae’s father. “I’m not like you or the rest of the Healers. When they put their pain on my shoulders, I fall. I’m too weak!”
Madgie’s grip on her arm tightened at her words. “You’re so young, Amanda, and therefore accustomed to speaking about things you don’t fully understand. Even so, I refuse to hear talk like this. No matter how young and stupid you might be!” Madgie huffed. “No, Amanda, you’re not like me or other Healers, you’re so much better than us. Feeling a spirit’s pain as if it’s your own is a gift. Take it!” She spun Amanda toward her so that they were face to face. “You have more love and empathy in your heart than any Healer I’ve met in my many decades. Just own who you are and you could be the strongest of us all.” She released her then in a frustrated fury.
Amanda felt hurt that Madgie was so upset with her, but she couldn’t feel offended because somewhere deep inside of her a cog clicked into place. “I’ve never stopped fighting who I am, what I am.”
This was no epiphany. Amanda had known this fact her entire memorable life. She never forgot running, never made excuses for it. This was different though. For the first time in her life she thought maybe she wasn’t too weak. Maybe Madgie was right.
“Whaat is thiss?” he asked. The hissing voice seemed to infiltrate her very being, slamming into her like a strong gust of wind. Only this wind seemed to move through her, leaving in its wake the feeling of rage and remorse. Her bones felt heavy under the weight of it, making it hard to stay upright.
Cole put a hand out to steady her. “Are you all right?” he asked, his perfect features twisting into a mask of concern.
She was equally thankful for his concern and annoyed by it at the same time. After all, she wasn’t the one in need of help. Amanda was whole and strong. She thought about her life, all that was happening outside of this Scar.
Out there she might be a damsel in distress. But in here, in here, she could be somebody’s knight in shining armor. “Did you feel that?” she asked.
Cole and Madgie nodded in unison.
“Hate,” Cole whispered. “Rage.”
“No, no. Beneath that. There was something else, regret?” She turned to her companions.
“I’m not getting anything but anger, quite concentrated.
It’s making me sick to tell you the truth,” Madgie said through tight lips as she turned her eyes away from the doctor and back to John. Amanda stared at her mentor and then glanced back to Mae’s Father. His hollow eyes were full of despair as he looked at his lifeless daughter.
“Mae?” he whispered. When she didn’t respond he ran to her as quickly as his disjointed body could move. “Mae, baby?” he shook her out of John’s arms. John seemed unable to object, powerless to speak at all.
He knelt in the parking lot with Mae’s cold, wet body in his arms, holding her tight as he desperately put his ear to her chest, knowing he wouldn’t hear the tell tale flutter of life. She guessed he’d seen more than enough dead bodies to know better, being a doctor, but reason and knowledge didn’t stop him from laying her flat on the pavement and starting CPR. The crowd of sad faces was hushed as he worked on her, pumping her stubborn heart and crying all the while. After thirty minutes of this, a tall man stepped out of the crowd and walked over to him.
“That’s John’s father,” Amanda said.
“Bill, she’s gone.” He put a comforting hand on his friends shoulder.
“No!” Bill cried out. “She can’t be.” He looked up at John’s father with eyes full of sadness. “My baby can’t be…” Bill seemed unable to say the word ‘dead’. In a flash, his eyes were full of anger. “You did this!” he shouted and spun to face John.
“What?” the dazed boy asked, his voice still distant.
“You killed my baby,” Bill spat. John’s face filled with sadness, but he didn’t argue. His father put a hand on Bill’s tight shoulder and, as he rose his arm, Amanda saw a gleam of silver flash from under his coat.
“Bill, let’s get her inside,” he said simply, trying to diffuse the situation.
Bill turned to go along with the officer, and before he made his move, she knew why she could feel his regret.
She knew what was going to happen. Amanda darted forward, ignoring the part of her that was screaming for self- preservation. She leapt between John and Mae’s father.
Her feet touched the ground just as Bill grabbed for the sheriff’s gun, kicking him aside. There was a shout from the crowd as he turned the gun on John, but John didn’t scream. He looked resigned, maybe even happy that his pain would soon be over.
She dropped her invisibility, allowing them to see her, and the rest of the memory faded, leaving just the three of them. Mae’s father looked bewildered, but John didn’t, he looked as if he had been waiting for her.
“Who are you?” Bill asked.
She turned away from John and spoke to Bill. “Put that gun down, Bill. Put it down now, or you’ll forever wish that you had,” she said. The words came out of her soothingly, not threateningly.
Bill looked taken back, but his grip on the gun didn’t lessen.
“This wasn’t John’s fault. He loved your daughter.” She could feel John’s happiness at her words.
“I said, who are you?” he shouted. “And where are we?”
Bill asked, looking around.
Nothing could be seen but the three of them, spotlight center stage. Not the hospital, the parking lot, or any people. “Where’s my Mae?” he demanded.
“Mae’s not here. She’s moved on,” Amanda said.
John’s head shot up. “Moved on where?” he asked in a rush. His boy-like features stood out to her even more as he asked the question.
“I don’t fully know. You can find out. You can be with her. Just let go of what’s holding you here,” she pleaded.
“But, it was all my fault. I don’t deserve to be with her,” John said, looking at his feet.
“Just answer me this, John. If God takes back the people he misses a little early, who do you think he would have missed the most?” she asked.
John closed his eyes, and Amanda watched the thoughts and memories of Mae floating behind his eyelids. “Mae,” he whispered almost inaudibly.
The air tasted sweet, and Amanda could feel him letting go. Just before he vanished in a burst of light, John smiled in recognition at something she couldn’t see. A surge of euphoria welled up inside of her chest, and a lone tear slid down her cheek. She could see why Healers love this, yearn for it even. Amanda didn’t get to enjoy John’s lingering joy for long.
“What the… Where did he go?” Bill asked. He lowered the gun to his side, staring at the now empty space that his target had occupied.
“He’s with Mae now and in answer to your question, I’m Amanda. I’m here to help you.”
“Help me?” Bill spat. “No one can help me.” He crossed the distance between them in shaky strides. “And if you could, I wouldn’t want your help. Do you know what I did?” he cried his voice increasingly high. “Do you? You may have stopped me right now, but I remember what I did.” He sat down on the ground and put his head in his hands. “I killed that poor boy. Shot him right between the eyes. Right here in front of his father and my poor dead Mae. I murdered him. Tried to kill myself too, but they took the gun from me before I could.” He looked up at her then with rage pouring from him. “And you want to help me? Listen, I see you’re sincere, but this is Hell and I belong here.”