Then his chuckle turned into a deep belly laugh. Laughing? How could he be laughing when she’d just told him that his inspiration in life was meaningless?
“Are you okay?”
He wiped a tear from his eye and shook his head. “Wow, you are even more amazing than I guessed!” he said, patting her shoulder.
“I see you’re a fan of sarcasm,” she said through her teeth.
“No, no.” He coughed, clearing his throat, and straightened. “I’m being perfectly sincere. You’re probably the only person in the history of the world who could ever positively affect an entire people with a sentence fragment.”
He laughed, and she joined him. It felt amazing to laugh with him. She’d been tight as piano wire for so long her body had started to ache.
“Sorry if I wasn’t nice to you. I’m sort of new to having enemies. Well, real I-want-to-kill-you type enemies. I’ve had the I-think-you‘re-scum types for a while, and you kind of remind me of one of them, and not just because you’re both on the Guard. From what you told me, you’re a far better person than I am. I guess I just can’t trust my instincts anymore, probably getting too paranoid,” she said apologetically.
The relaxed atmosphere she’d been enjoying disappeared, as did the Armaan she knew. A blank-faced monster stood before her. His light seemed to have drained from him, and he grew darker by the second.
“Armaan?” she said, touching his unmoving shoulder.
“Armaan, I’m sorry if I said anything to upset you. I didn’t mean to. I’m no good with words.”
Darkness rolled from him and began to blot out the little sun light they had left.
“Stop this, Armaan, you’re freaking me out!” she said.
Ignoring the hammering of her fear-driven heart, she moved closer to him. Amanda wasn’t frightened of him, just the darkness that had been instilled in him. Putting her hands out on either side of him, she rubbed his arms, trying to get him out of whatever state he’d fallen into.
“Armaan?” she said, seeing the light come back into his eyes.
He shook her hands off him gently and took a few steps away from her. She moved forward, but he stopped her.
“Please, just stay there for a second,” he begged, putting his head between his knees.
She wanted to console him somehow but didn’t know what to say to someone struggling through such inner turmoil. How did a person stay good and true to themselves with so much darkness thrust upon them? Who would Cole be had he not gotten out? The thought sent a cold shiver down her spine.
“I’m sorry if I set you off. Are you okay?” she asked.
He straightened and took a deep breath. “Yeah, I’m real sorry you had to see that. I get that way sometimes when people mention my brother,” he whispered.
“What do you mean?” she asked, perplexed. “I don’t even know who—”
“I wouldn’t stop trusting your judgment if I were you.” He looked up and met her gaze with dark eyes. “You took one look at me and saw him.”
No.
“Saw my brother, saw your enemy.”
Please no!
“Saw Frey.” He choked over his brother’s name, like it made him sick to say it.
She wanted to scream. How could Shiphra send the brother of the person whose face she saw when picturing the enemy? If she thought she might have trusted him less after such a revelation, she was wrong. She couldn‘t bring herself to look at him any differently. He looked so ashamed. Why should he feel ashamed for the thing that his brother was. It wasn’t his fault, and it wasn’t even Frey’s.
“It isn’t your fault you’re related to him,” she almost shouted. “Worry about the things you can control, like getting us safely to New Hovel.”
She turned to move forward, but he held her back.
“You don’t care that he’s my brother?” he asked in a rush.
“Well, Shiphra doesn’t seem to care, so why should I?” she said as lightly as she could manage, trying to assure him it didn’t matter at all. “And it isn’t his fault he’s the way he is, it’s the—” She was going to tell him that his brother wouldn’t be like this had the Ancients not made him that way, but he interrupted her.
“No, it is his fault. There’s a choice in everything. Even when you’re forced into something you never wanted, you can fight it. You can hate it. He didn’t. He chose to enjoy what he called ‘freedom’.”
“Let’s just get you back. I don’t want to talk about this.”
He started walking then stopped and spoke over his shoulder. “Thanks for saying it doesn’t matter. I can’t tell if you mean it, but it’s a nice thing for you to say.”
They walked together side by side. She didn’t feel the need to stay in front of him. Although she could tell he felt the need to be shielding her, he had gradually lengthened his stride until she had to take three steps to match one of his. It didn’t tire her out as it should have, it just annoyed her slightly. Was every guy she met going to treat her like a wounded baby bird?
“Can you stop trying to outrun me. You don’t even know where we’re going,” she said, trying to keep her annoyance out of her voice.
“Sure, sorry. I tend to walk fast when I’m nervous,” he said, slowing his pace.
“Why are you nervous?” she asked, not understanding what he had to be worried about.
“I uh… don’t know how Cole is going to react when he sees me,” he said, running a hand through his hair anxiously. “He doesn’t know who I really am and the person he thinks I am is definitely not going to be welcome around him or you. He hates me.” He put a hand on her shoulder.
“Don’t worry. Cole trusts me. Even if he doesn’t trust you, he’ll listen to me,” she assured him.
“I wouldn’t sound so sure about that if I were you,” he said quietly.
She was going to ask him why he thought Cole wouldn’t want him near them, but Armaan had already started walking.
He didn’t know what he was talking about. Cole couldn’t hate anyone. Especially not Armaan, he was so easy to like. Once you got around his resemblance to his brother.
They were near the opening, and she was surprised that Armaan had led them to the correct spot. She had been so involved in her thoughts she forgot to tell him where to go. She realized he knew where they were going the whole time. Of course, he knew where they were staying, he’d known where to find her, after all.
She turned to him. He didn’t seem to notice her studying him, too lost in worrisome thoughts. His jaw was clenched tightly. The flexed muscles partnered with the evening light cast haunting shadows across his boyish face, making him appear older and sharper than he was. Or maybe it was his nerves that made him look this way. She guessed this might be the way a soldier looks before going into battle. She broke through the trees entering the clearing before Armaan. He had fallen back without her noticing. She wasn’t paying any attention to him, having caught sight of the cave and the familiar person running toward her screaming.
17
It took her longer than it should have to process the words Cole was shouting at her. Both because it was a shock to see him running at her screaming and because her worrisome mind automatically assumed something had happened with Madgie. Once she understood his words and the reason behind them, she relaxed.
“Run! Amanda, get away from him, run!” he said.
She looked around to try to find Armaan, but he was still somewhere in the brush. Cole had reached where she was and put himself between her and the dark forest.
“Get yourself into the cave. I’ll cover you,” he said over his shoulder, his dark eyes never leaving the shadowy wall of trees. “It’s okay, Cole. Shiphra sent him. He’s here to help us. Come out Armaan!” she shouted around Cole who tensed as soon as the name passed her lips.