Graves glanced forward at Kristen, seeing her visiting with the Chiefs. He’d never known anyone more extraordinary than her. No other woman alive could’ve carved out a place for herself among these men who’d cursed her very name three months earlier when she’d first reported aboard. O’Rourke, who’d been a loud critic, looked perfectly at ease with her now as he tried to get her to take a second beer. Graves glanced back at Brodie, and saw his friend looking forward as well. He knew Brodie was struggling with his decision. Brodie had never said it, he’d never even hinted it, but Graves was certain, should he pull Brodie’s sunglasses away, there would be no hiding the love he felt for her.
“Sean… maybe you should give her a chance.”
Brodie turned his head away from her and looked back at the searing hamburgers. “Never again, Jason,” he repeated, his tone tightly controlled and resolute. “Never again.”
The food was served and the beer drunk. Once the party was finished, a formation was held behind the sail where the crew gathered. They had a few minutes of remembrance for Senior Chief Miller and Gibbs. Their bodies had been taken off the Seawolf and sent home to their families along with letters from many of the crew including Kristen. Then Brodie addressed them and offered the crew a few words of thanks for all their hard work. Coming from him, the words meant more than medals for heroism, although some of these would be waiting in Bremerton as well.
“Once we get back home, I can’t promise you anything other than my word that my last official act as your skipper will be to make sure each and every one of you gets all the leave and time off you and your families have earned,” he said in closing. For the crew of the Seawolf this was what they now cared about more than anything else. They’d been on board for the better part of a year. None of them wanted the hassle of dealing with a new CO who — having not gone through what the crew had — would want to work his men to death.
They then held an awards ceremony, giving out good conduct medals and other awards earned by the crew. Kristen was recognized for her actions during the start of the patrol when she’s saved Hodges and again for putting out the fire in the galley. Finally, she received her gold dolphins.
“Normally you have to wait until you get back to port and the admiral has a chance to question you personally,” Brodie told her as he presented her gold dolphins in front of the entire crew. “But you’ve earned them, and I don’t think Admiral Beagler will complain too loudly.”
Receiving her dolphins had been a moment she’d looked forward to ever since she could remember. Kristen looked down at them as Brodie handed them over. They weren’t brand new but had belonged to someone before. The passing of dolphins from senior to junior officer was not unheard of and normally gave added meaning to the ceremony. Kristen looked at the weathered gold dolphins then up at him. “Yours, Captain?”
Kristen couldn’t see his eyes concealed behind the dark glasses. He’d hidden himself away from her ever since the Persian Gulf. “I know you’ll wear them well.”
Kristen had known she was going to receive her dolphins during the ceremony and had promised herself she wouldn’t cry. But now felt the tears forming in her eyes. “I will, sir.”
Chapter Thirty Three
The Seawolf continued on to Bremerton. Even with her gold dolphins now displayed proudly on her left breast, Kristen still found very little spare time on her hands, although there was enough to allow her thoughts to wander far from the rigors of the eighteen-hour schedule. She tried to stay busy with technical manuals, award recommendations, and her regular duties. But he was never far from her thoughts. When they’d been in the Persian Gulf, exhausted and under the tremendous stress of combat, a part of her had again tried to convince the rest of her that what she was feeling for him was fleeting. Her emotions were simply out of whack because of the stress. But once she’d managed to get some rest and had a chance to decompress following the fight, it’d become clear to her. What she was feeling was anything but fleeting.
Kristen spent days trying to decide what to do, finally concluding that she needed to tell him. But this proved more difficult on the tiny submarine than she’d expected. The two of them were on opposite schedules, so their encounters were always brief, hurried affairs and always when others were present.
At the same time, she knew that a part of her was afraid to talk to him. She was scared he might not feel the same way, and she knew she was using her own jam-packed schedule as an excuse to avoid talking to him. But the images of their two encounters in his cabin were her constant companions. She dreamed of nothing else. Even her dreams of a lifelong career in the Navy no longer mattered to her. Kristen had served on a submarine, and during the last three months, she’d managed to make peace with the ghost of her father. Now, all she wanted was Sean.
She knew it would be difficult, if not impossible, with both of them on active duty. The Navy, prior to her boarding the Seawolf, had made it clear the punishment for fraternization. Her career would be ruined if the two of them were to become more than professional acquaintances. But — just like when she’d decided to join the submarine forces — she was willing to make any sacrifice, forsaking her future for whatever time she might have with him.
It had been quite a revelation for her the night she’d been lying awake in her bunk, thinking of him and realized for the first time in her life that she was anxious to embrace the here and now, regardless of what it meant for the future.
Kristen completed inventorying the LMRS drones and ancillary equipment in the torpedo handling room. They were barely forty-eight hours out from Bremerton, and the two drones would be removed once they were back in port. Kristen was securing the last transport box when she heard someone’s footsteps on the deck beyond an empty rack of torpedoes. She hadn’t expected to see anyone in the torpedo room. But as she stood, she came face to face with him.
Brodie stopped for a moment, apparently not having expected to see her, either. There was a brief moment of surprise on his face, but then the stony mask of command clamped down firmly in place. “Good evening, Lieutenant.”
“Good evening, Captain,” she replied reflexively suddenly feeling her tongue turn dry like paper. The words she wanted to say to him vanished in an instant, and she felt tongue tied.
There were several long, uncomfortable seconds of silence between them before Brodie offered, “Well, I’ll let you get back to your work.”
“Yes, sir,” she managed, wanting to kick herself for being a fool.
Brodie turned and stepped away, leaving her. Kristen saw him walking away, and the thought he might keep going was more horrible than she wanted to imagine. “Sean?” she managed, finally finding the courage to speak.
He stopped.
Kristen felt her hands tremble slightly, more nervous than she’d ever imagined possible. At the moment it seemed to her their time in the Gulf had been almost child’s play and her Korean experience insignificant compared to the task now before her. She stared at him, wishing he’d turn around. But he hesitated.
“I’m in love with you,” Kristen whispered. Hearing herself utter the phrase was almost a shock, and she hardly believed she’d found the strength.
His head sagged slightly, but he didn’t turn around.
“I think I’ve loved you from the beginning.”