The breeze picked up and I found my center quickly. Smiling at the handsome bouncer, I waved and walked to the cab, got in and dropped my head back as I murmured my address.
The night had been beyond amazing. My handsome lover was beautiful, charming and dominant, and the chemistry between us had been consuming, insane. Dangerous. Who knew that sex in a dark alley could be so… exciting?
There was something about him that drew me in, and threatened to drown me if I wasn't careful. Leaving without giving him my number was my best bet, and yet it was one of the hardest things I had done of late.
Having him asking for my digits left me melting on the inside and wanting to snuggle up to him. So, why had I refused to let him take me to his place? It would have been incredible to spend the night in his arms, to smell his sheets and feel the softness of his lips along my neck and shoulders as we cuddled up.
"Because your dumb ass would have fallen in love like you do every time," I grumbled.
"What's that, Miss?" The cabbie's voice pulled me from my ponderings.
"Oh nothing. Just bitching at myself about falling in love."
"It's the best thing ever." The older man smiled in the rear view mirror. "Falling in love that is."
"I'm not so sure I'd agree, but I'll keep my negativity to myself." I chuckled as he readjusted his mirror, and I was alone with my thoughts once more.
Leaving my handsome lover only to head home to a quiet, cold and lonely apartment seemed like the dumbest decision I could have made, and yet I had to protect myself. I was determined to treat men the way they treated me, and falling for them wasn’t how it worked. Not anymore.
It doesn't matter how much you want him. You'll want the next one too. Love and happiness is for the birds. Lust, sex and passion. That's all I want now. Period.
***
I slept like shit, my dreams filled with the sexy bastard from the club. He haunted me, forcing my body toward a state of constant desire. Lust pumped through me at the mere thought of him. Some part of me wanted to throw caution to the wind and find him, but how?
"No. You're good. Shut up about it," I grumbled at myself as I parked my small Honda in the large parking garage next to our downtown building. I grabbed my briefcase and checked the small mirror above my head one last time before getting out of the car and walking toward the elevator.
A handsome guy in a three piece suit held the door, his eyes all over me, though the ring on his finger said they shouldn't be. Men. I would never understand them in a hundred years.
I walked out of the parking garage and pressed my hands to my thighs to keep the knee high black skirt I wore from flying up and showing everyone the scrap of panties I had on that morning. My boots rose up to my knees and my sweater was fitted and professional. My boss was insanely particular about looking attractive but professional. It had taken me a year, but I finally had it down after pin-balling around between the extremes of slutty and dowdy for months.
I actually liked the new look. Made me feel a little more grown up and mature.
"Yeah right." I rolled my eyes and pressed the large glass door in front of me as a smile slipped onto my lips.
My best friend and coworker, Jessie, waved wildly from the small coffee shop on the bottom floor of our massive building. I walked toward her, picking up my pace just a little and trying to decide if I was going to tell her about Mr. Richie Rich.
She had been in a serious relationship for forever, and it was actually working out for her. Me, not so much.
"There you are. I was starting to think you were going to stand me up." Jessie smiled and stood, pulling me into a tight hug as if she knew I needed it. We had been friends since elementary school, and she knew me better than I knew myself most days.
Her copper locks were pulled back in a ponytail, but a few wayward curls had come loose. I fixed them quickly for her and tried to avoid the probing stare I got from her light hazel-colored eyes.
"Spill." She sat down and nodded toward the extra cup of coffee on the table between us. "That's for you."
"Thanks. I need something to eat. I'll grab a muffin." I started to leave, but she leaned over and grabbed two bags from beside her.
"Already got it. Your favorite." Her smile was warm and welcoming, and I relented. I was telling her everything. I always did. She was the voice of reason when I needed one, even when it hurt like hell to hear it.
"I love you." I took my seat and pulled out the pumpkin muffin, grateful for the ridiculous amount of pumpkin-flavored madness that occurred every fall.
"You should. So, tell me about last night. I assume you were at the club?" She took a sip of her coffee and lifted her eyebrow at me.
"Yeah. I met a handsome billionaire type. Stupid expensive car, smelled like heaven, offered me a ring." I shrugged and bit into my breakfast, taking time to ignore the world and enjoy the luxury of such goodness.
"And... how do you know what type of car he has? Did he talk about it all night?"
"Um, no. We, well… you know.” I picked up my coffee as her mouth dropped open.
"Lila. Shit. You could have been hurt, kidnapped, or dumped in an alley."
"Oh, he put a hurt on me all right," I smiled trying to suppress a naughty giggle, and shook my head. "No berating me. Seriously. I want to have a little fun and get it out of my system. James was a dick and totally ruined my life. I'm not ready to trust men again or give them anything but a blow job here and there."
Jessie laughed as her cheeks turned a vibrant shade of pink. "God, you're like a hooker."
"Jealous?"
"Hell yes I'm jealous. We made soup, snuggled and passed out on the couch." She rolled her eyes and took a bite of her own muffin.
I held back my response and ignored the dull ache in my chest as I pictured her evening. I remembered those nights. Snuggling and planning a future with someone you stupidly believed when he said he loved you.
Stop it. Fuck him. Fuck all of them.
"New subject. The bank denied yet another loan request from me." I let out a short puff of air and took a bigger bite of my breakfast, hoping to save myself from having to speak for a few minutes.
"No. Really? That's horrible. What do they want from you? You're young. How could you possibly have successful business history on the books yet? Shit. Everyone has to start somewhere." Jessie's voice grew louder as she ranted.
I took another quick swig of her coffee and laughed. "I know. It's all good though. My portfolio is just getting better and better. Soon they won't be able to deny me. I'll have my spa in the next few years and then I can quit working for other people and start building my own future."
"I wish I could help. I would if I could."
"I know that, silly. It's going to work out. This job I have now is paying the bills and I get to spend most of my day with you. Playing matchmaker when you don't believe in love anymore sucks horse dick, but whatever..."
"Horse dick... really? Great image to give me to think about all day. Thank you." Jessie chuckled and rolled her eyes.