“I feel like everyone’s looking to get a piece of me. When I was at Oklahoma last weekend, I had to sign autographs when we were taking a tour of a dorm. I let people, people who are close to me, talk me into investing in businesses with my money instead of just dumping it into an account. I have frickin’ employees that rely on me so they can pay their rent and get health insurance.
“Then there’s football. I lose focus, and my whole team does too. The entire town lives and dies on each game. My own mom pimps me out so she can get listings. God forbid I should go to a party and get drunk and go crazy. It would be on the Internet before I even had a chance to have a hangover.
“What am I doing this weekend? I’m setting myself up to advance to an even bigger stage. I don’t see this ever ending,” I said, running out of steam.
Tami gave me a measuring look.
“You do realize you can’t be everything to everyone you know, don’t you?”
I snorted at her in disgust, but she continued on, unfazed.
“I’m serious! In a sense, your mom’s using you. Your teammates are so used to you looking after them that they’ve forgotten how to look after themselves. The people you do business with want little pieces of your time and attention, and you give it without even thinking. It accumulates until you have no time or attention you can spend on yourself, or even give a thought to what you want. Most of them don’t even realize they’re doing it. But they are, and I doubt more than a couple of them even have a glimmer of what it’s doing to you.” She looked down, embarrassed. “Even I’ve done that to you.”
After a minute, she looked up at me again.
“Do you remember when we were in the eighth grade, and we had to read Hamlet in our advanced English class?”
When I nodded, she continued.
“There was one part I loved. That was when Polonius was talking to his son, Laertes, giving him advice. Most people only quote the first part, but it’s the last part that makes it so telling: ‘This above alclass="underline" to thine own self be true, and it must follow, as the night the day, thou canst not then be false to any man.’”
She gave me a small, hopeful smile, patted my knee, and made her way back up front. Brook looked like she was about to take Tami’s place, but Tami shook her head at her. Something unspoken passed between them, and Brook, after giving me a worried look, turned back around towards the front.
I sat back and considered our conversation. Damn, she was right! I needed to take charge of my own life—it was either that or let other people take charge of pieces of it. It was time for some simplification.
I pulled my phone out and looked at my life goals. Three lines stood out:
Think before saying ‘yes.’
Learn to say ‘no.’
Make a Difference.
Thinking about football and the team, was I making the kind of difference I wanted to make if they fell apart every time something bad happened to me? Or was I setting up an unhealthy dependency?
Thinking about it further, I could say the same about Mom, and about some of the other stuff people wanted me to do.
Then I remembered reading about Trent Richardson. He’d come out of college with a bunch of high expectations as a running back. But his effectiveness steadily declined until he was traded and eventually cut.
Later, it came out that his family and friends had spent over $1.6 million of his money in less than a year. He was getting huge bar-tab charges on his credit card for places he’d never been. He also related how he’d spent his time in warm-ups preparing for a playoff game. But then, during the game itself, he worried about whether the seats he’d been pressured to get would be filled, rather than focusing on the game.
He wound up not being worth much to anyone. It all happened because he let people take pieces of his time, attention, energy, and focus until there was very little left.
It was time to focus and to take charge of myself, if no one else.
I used my phone to make a short list. What did I want to focus on this fall, and in what order? Screw everything else.
Football
Being a good student
Recruiting
Relationship with Brook
I looked over the list and smiled for the first time in it seemed like forever. Now it was time to do something about it.
I looked toward the front of the plane. Tami saw me first and seemed concerned, but I gave her a smile and a wink, and she smiled back at me.
I tapped Dad on the shoulder. He looked up, startled.
“When we get back, as soon as we can make the time, I need to have a business meeting. I want to be sure you, Mom, Uncle John, and Grandma are all there.
He nodded his head, and I made my way to the front of the plane, to Wolf and Tim.
“Team meeting Monday before practice. Players only. I’ll square it with the coaches. Start spreading the word as soon as we land.”
They also nodded wordlessly at me. I turned to Brook, smiled, and motioned toward the back of the plane with my head. She got up and followed me back.
We sat down, and she cuddled me for a minute, her head on my chest. I eased her up to look at me.
“I have a lot to share with you, and I’d like your input on all of it.”
We talked for a long time. I shared a lot of my thoughts and ideas with her. Brook was smart, and she gave me a bunch of her own ideas.
Mainly, though, I could tell she really appreciated that I’d sought out her advice. That’s part of what relationships are about: sharing your troubles … and welcoming your partner’s thoughts.
◊◊◊
When we landed, we were greeted by thirty or so fans. I was glad we had our Michigan t-shirts on. Before we left, I’d scanned the Michigan recruiting message boards. They’d encouraged people to get out and let us know how much they wanted us to come to their school. I glanced over at Tami, and she gave me a knowing smile. Then I looked at Brook, and her smile turned into a delighted chuckle.
Things were looking better.
◊◊◊ Saturday September 24
I’d just gotten dressed when I heard Cassidy pounding on my door.
“What?” I grumped as I opened it.
She pushed past me into my room. I hid my smile when I saw she was dressed in a blue dress jacket, white blouse, and blue slacks. All she needed were Chuck’s shades, and she could be a junior G-woman.
“I’m your security this weekend. I want to be clear that where you go, I go,” she informed me.
Fritz and my dad had had a long talk about this weekend. Fritz had wanted to hire outside security because he was having meetings and training sessions with all his staff. He planned to use my attack as a wake-up call and remind them of their duties. When Brook came to me about flying this weekend, and Cassidy invited herself, I told them she could watch me.
Fritz and Dad were both against the idea, but I reminded them that I hadn’t asked Fritz to hire Cassidy just because she was my friend. This was something she wanted to do with her life. I pointed out she’d been my security in Cuba and Japan. I reminded Dad about spring break and how she helped protect everyone. Still, I was surprised when they finally relented.
For Cassidy, this was a big deal. This was her first chance to officially be in charge. I wasn’t about to make it hard on her, but that didn’t mean I couldn’t tease her a little.
“You packing?” I asked.
She gave me a scowl.
“No. Fritz wouldn’t let me,” she explained, and then brightened. “I do have this.”