“The union is not quite as inevitable as I make out,” I confessed. “Standing between me and a supremely rosy future is a po-faced slack-jaw named Roger Maroon.”
“A Maroon?” said Tommo. “I’d duck out now while you still have your dignity.”
“Don’t get me wrong,” I said quickly. “She’s quite affable in spite of her choosy Redcentric fickleness, and our courting has not been without a few moments. She has allowed me on several occasions to take her to a tea dance.”
“How scandalously forward of you. Have you tangoed?”
“Not yet,” I said slowly, “but we’re almost there.”
Actually, Constance had refused me a tango on the grounds that it was a “gateway dance” to something bolder, such as a lambada. If we’d done that, Old Man Magenta would have insisted we marry in order not to further offend public decency.
“Sadly,” I continued, “she’s also danced with Roger.”
“Looks like she’s hedging her ballroom bets as wisely as her bedroom ones.”
“I suppose so.”
“It’s all academic anyway,” said Tommo with a laugh. “Once you get to know the fillies in this village, all notions of running the family stringworks will vanish like thistledown in a nor’easter.”
“I’m not staying, Tommo.”
“Well, let’s just pretend you decide to take up residence. C’mon, Eddie, run with me on this one.”
“Okay,” I said with a sigh. “Let’s hear it.”
“Excellent!” he cried, clapping his hands together. “Here’s how I see your wedding prospects in this glorious sinkhole of ours: Since you look like too bright a fellow to dilute your color with anything other than the good old House of R., your choices among the Red crumpet in the village are, to say the least, limited. Once you subtract all the Greys, men and other hues from the three thousand or so people living here, there are one hundred and twenty-five potential Red womenfolk. You do the sums. Thirty-nine are already married, fourteen are widowed and nineteen have partners off at Reboot. Seventeen are spinsters over the age of fifty, and twenty-eight are under sixteen. How many left?”
“Nine.”
“Right. Up for their Ishihara this year and thus available for nuptials are my sister Francesca, Daisy Crimson, Lisa Scarlet and Lucy Ochre. If those don’t suit, Rose Madder, Cassie Flamingo and Jennifer Cochineal will be up for their Ishihara next year. If you feel like putting a spinster out of her misery, still on the prowl are Tabitha Auburn and Simone Russo.”
“Hmm,” I mused, half in jest, “no Blues you can think of for me to start a Purple dynasty with?”
He shook his head.
“DeMauve and the Council would never allow it. But if you’re considering abandoning your birth hue, Violet deMauve is still available. She’s in need of some Red seed to bring the deMauves back to mid-Purple rather than the Bluey-Red they are at present. But you’d have to be so utterly, utterly desperate for social advancement you’d be willing to ignore the fact that she’s the most poisonous female in the village.”
“I thought you said that accolade belonged to Bunty McMustard?”
“I think they’re on some sort of rotation. In any event, I decided in your best interests to leave Violet deMauve out of the equation. Unless, of course, you want to spend the rest of your life being told what to do and when to do it?”
I thought about Constance. There was, I had to admit, something of a similarity. “In your own stupid pretend world, no, I wouldn’t fancy that.”
“I agree. You’d have to be insane to marry into the nest of vipers. The only other girl off-limits is Lucy Ochre. She’s reserved.”
“Reserved?”
“For me. So paws off.”
“Does she know this?”
Tommo shrugged. “Not really.”
“Eight is still a pretty good choice.”
“Not quite right,” he replied, counting off my potential choices on his fingers. “Simone Russo is the low-percepting product of the head plumber and a Grey— quite unsuitable. Rose Madder is on a promise, and Lisa as good as. Tabitha is on a half promise to Lloyd Bluto. Lisa Scarlet is a bit low on the social scale, what with her father being sent off to Reboot. Cassie is hideously weird, and Jennifer declared herself last week with a Grey named Chloe.”
“Ah.”
“So that leaves my sister Fran and Daisy Crimson.”
“Choice of two? Generous of you, Tommo.”
“Not so fast. Since I’ll thump you painfully between the eyes if you even think about placing any part of your grubby person on my dear Francesca, whom I’ve sworn to protect from all life’s unpleasantness, I’m afraid that leaves only Daisy Crimson. I hope you’re very happy together.”
“You’ve got this all worked out, haven’t you?”
“I think of little else.”
While we had been talking, every last vestige of natural light had vanished. The sky was like ebony, and the only illumination was the harsh white light of the central streetlamp, which cast shadows so hard it seemed you might cut yourself on them. Just as I was telling Tommo what complete rubbish his fantasy marriage league was, a figure dressed in an overcoat and carrying a valise walked out of a nearby house.
I didn’t realize the figure was Travis Canary until he was quite close.
“Hullo!” he said when he saw me. “How are you settling in?”
“Pretty well,” I replied. “Have you met Tommo?”
They shook hands, and Tommo looked at the Yellow suspiciously.
“You’re not wearing your spot,” he said.
“I’m not going to need one where I’m going.”
I thought he meant Reboot, but he didn’t. Before we could say anything more, he tipped his hat and walked into the night. In a few seconds the darkness had swallowed him up, and he was gone.
Tommo and I could hardly believe what we had just witnessed, and stared at each other in astonishment.
I looked around, but though the square still had a dozen or so people out for a nighttime perambulation, no one else had noticed.
I walked across to press the Nightloss alarm, but Tommo stopped me.
“Wait, wait, Eddie. He’s a Yellow —one less is no big deal. Besides, he’s up for Reboot, and more important, it’s nothing to do with us.”
“You never leave anyone out at night,” I retorted pompously, “not even a Yellow.”
I pressed the Nightloss alarm, and the klaxon sounded three shrill blasts.
The square was suddenly deathly quiet, and within a few seconds, empty. When there was a shout on, most people found something else to do and somewhere else to be. Nightloss was a sorry, tragic affair, and trying to rescue someone could have doubly tragic consequences. The custom was to not get involved—or at least, not until the morning, when the search took place. We walked to the limit of the falloff and peered into the darkness, which swirled like an angry black fog. We were right on the edge of the village. Beyond the houses to our left and right was only the lumpy grassland.
“Who’s out there?” came a voice.
It was Prefect Sally Gamboge, and she looked as though I had interrupted her dinner. I explained that it was Travis Canary who had just walked out, and she looked at me with an expression of supreme indifference. “Reboot or Nightloss,” she said, “it’s all the same to us. Isn’t that right, Tommo?”
“Yes, ma’am.”
“But he’s Yellow,” I persisted.
“In color, but not in spirit,” she replied. “His selflessness just saved us a train fare out of here, so in that respect we should be grateful.”