Yet in all this time, and in all these conversations, no one had attempted to cast any doubt on her story. He tried to force himself on me, she had said that day. He loved me still and couldn’t bear the thought that I no longer loved him. For how could I love any man who had betrayed the realm? Knife wounds on her shoulder and breast and hand, a bloodied lip, her clothes torn and stained with the minister’s blood, she had looked every bit the victim of frustrated passion and rage. None of them thought to question her. Certainly it never occurred to any of them that she would wound herself, that she would draw Kayiv to her with the promise of a kiss, only to drive a hidden dagger into his chest.
Yet she had done all of that and more. Such was the power of her love for the Weaver. And though she knew that they couldn’t be together yet, that Dusaan’s heart and brilliant mind were intent on his plans for the coming war, she knew as well that someday she would be his queen. He had all but said it in the days following the minister’s death. She had only to wait. She had killed for him, and she would be rewarded.
Were it not for her memory of Kayiv’s last words to her, murmured as his life’s blood flowed over her clothes and his breath against her face slackened, she would have been content merely to wait for their victory.
“I loved you so.”
She could hear the words in the keening of the winds that blew down from the Crying Hills, as they always did during the growing turns. She could hear them in the distant rumble of thunder from yet another storm and in the steady rhythm of the rain on the palace roof. They haunted her dreams and seemed to wake her in the morning, like the whispered greeting of a lover.
“I loved you so.”
Nitara still wasn’t certain why Kayiv had risked so much in the days before his death. Surely he must have known that Dusaan would punish him for his betrayal. She could only guess that perhaps he had thought to win back her love by destroying the high chancellor. If so, he had misjudged her and the depth of her feelings for the Weaver. Without having shared her bed, Dusaan already was more to her than Kayiv had ever been. He was her hope, her dream, her promise of a day when Qirsi would rule the Forelands. No matter what Kayiv might have been to her-no matter what he had desired to be to her again-he could never be all that.
And yet, this very morning she had awakened to the minister’s voice again, and without thinking had answered, “I love another now,” as if he were still alive, as if she could wound him with the words. “I love the high chancellor.”
She nearly laughed at her own foolishness, though her hands trembled as she dressed and her stomach felt too sour to eat any breakfast. Making her way to the high chancellor’s chamber for the daily discussion among all of Harel’s Qirsi advisors she walked swiftly, as if pursued by Kayiv’s wraith. Seeing the Weaver would make her feel better. It always did.
“I loved you so.”
She nearly ran the rest of the way, listening to the slap of her feet on the stone floor-anything to drown out the minister’s voice. Breathing a sigh of relief when she finally reached Dusaan’s ministerial chambers, she took her usual place near the high chancellor and waited for the discussion to begin. Yet, even after Dusaan started speaking, she thought she could hear Kayiv, his voice as soft as a planting breeze.
Nitara tried to occupy her mind with thoughts of Dusaan, of what it would be like to have him love her, to feel him inside her, aflame with desire, wild and rampant. But when she closed her eyes briefly, trying to hold in her thoughts the image of the Weaver above her, moving with her in a cresting rhythm, she found not Dusaan’s face, but Kayiv’s, the familiar gentle smile on his lips.
She opened her eyes abruptly, shaking herself, as a cat emerges from a dream. The high chancellor eyed her for just an instant, a frown on his lean, square face. She made herself watch him, drinking him in as she would a dazzling sunrise: his broad shoulders and powerful chest, his glorious mane of white hair, his high cheekbones and gleaming golden eyes. If the gods themselves had ordained that a Qirsi should rule the Forelands-and who was to say that they hadn’t? — they would have chosen a man who looked thus to be the first sorcerer king.
She realized that he was glowering at her, and too late she remembered him cautioning her against gazing at him too intently during these audiences.
“Anything you do to draw attention to your feelings for me,” he had said, shortly after Kayiv died, “endangers all of our lives, endangers the movement itself.”
Nitara looked away, forcing herself to train her mind on what was being said.
“You have no idea why he’s summoned you?” Stavel was asking, looking frail and fearful, like an old dog.
Dusaan shook his head. “None. But he hasn’t wanted to speak with me in quite some time, so I’ll take the mere fact of his summons as a sign that perhaps matters are improving.”
“Improving for whom?”
The high chancellor stared at Gorlan, his eyes narrowed. When Kayiv tried to turn the other ministers to his purposes, hoping that they would go together to the emperor and reveal Dusaan’s lies, Gorlan had been the most eager. It seemed the minister didn’t fear the high chancellor as much as the others did. In fact, in his own way Gorlan was impressive as well. Like Dusaan, he was tall and broad, particularly for a Qirsi. His eyes were the color of old parchment, and he wore his white hair short. Nitara didn’t know what powers the minister possessed, but she had no doubt that he wielded at least three, and that one or more of them were among the deeper magics. He looked like a man who had tasted power and desired more.
“Did you have something you wanted to add to our discussion, Minister?” Dusaan asked, after eyeing Gorlan for some time.
Though he stood out among the other Qirsi in Harel’s palace, it seemed that Gorlan knew better than to challenge the high chancellor directly. Nitara sensed that he would have liked to say a great many things. But confronted with Dusaan’s icy glare, his resolve withered like leaves late in the harvest. Though everyone knew that she had killed Kayiv and appeared to believe that she had done so defending herself from his advances, all knew as well that Kayiv had been plotting against the high chancellor just prior to his death. Fear of Dusaan had never been so great.
“I merely wonder if the emperor intends to take us into his confidence again, High Chancellor.” Gorlan lowered his gaze. “It may be that he has some other purpose in mind.”
“I suppose that’s possible. We’ll know soon enough.” Dusaan hesitated, glancing at Nitara again. “Still, Minister, you raise an interesting point. It seems that recent events have given the emperor cause to doubt our loyalty, though in truth I can’t see why one man’s attempted assault on a fellow minister should do so. I won’t lie to you: I find myself offended by the emperor’s lack of confidence. I’ve served in his court for nine years, and I feel that I’ve earned his trust.”
“But the conspiracy,” Stavel said. “Surely you understand his fear. Nitara told us that Kayiv tried to turn her. And he tried to convince me, as well as some of the others, that you were a traitor to the empire.”
Dusaan smiled as if in sympathy. “I understand that the emperor is afraid, that many of us are. But what does it say about him-indeed, about all the Eandi-that their faith in us should be so easily shaken?”
“Is that a question you intend to ask Harel?” Gorlan’s face colored, as if he hadn’t intended to give voice to the thought.
But the high chancellor just grinned. “An interesting suggestion, Minister. Perhaps I will. My point is this, however. Loyalty and treachery are always spoken of with regard to the Qirsi. We hear of Qirsi traitors, or of ministers who remain loyal to the courts. But isn’t it also incumbent upon the Eandi to keep their faith with us? Doesn’t our service to the emperor entitle us to something? I know that I would never betray any of you, nor do I believe any of you would knowingly betray me. We share that, perhaps because of the color of our eyes and hair, the fact that all of us know what it is to wield magic.”