“Jaina—”
“Of course, you might not want to build a new lightsaber at first. It might be too painful. You could wait a couple of years for that. I’m sure Uncle Luke would—”
“Jaina” Zekk’s voice was firm. “Jaina, look at me.” He placed both hands on her shoulders and gave her a gentle shake.
She hadn’t even realized that she’d been avoiding his gaze. Her brandy-brown eyes swung up to lock with his. Beneath his eyes the dark semicircles were like reflections of inner shadows, of hovering guilt.
“I’m not the same person I was when you knew me before, Jaina. I cant be. Not anymore. And you’re not the same person either.”
“But you’re back now,” Jaina objected. “We can start over.” She knew the words were wrong even as she said them.
Sad. His eyes looked so sad…. For her?
“Maybe you can’t understand where I’ve been … or what I’ve been. I’m not an innocent anymore. I’ve known real power and used it. I’ve killed face-to-face and been proud of it. That’s not something I can forget.”
Jaina wanted to look away, but his emerald eyes burned with a truth she couldn’t escape.
“I can’t erase everything and go back to what I was,” Zekk said. His voice dropped to a whisper. “Even if it were possible, I’m not sure I’d do it. I can’t just pretend that nothing’s changed.”
Jaina wasn’t sure she understood, but she nodded anyway.
“You’re right about one thing, though,” Zekk said. “This is a new start. For me, and for all of us. I can’t go back, but I can go forward.”
Jaina felt the threatening sting of tears and blinked them away. “What will you do?” She didn’t want him to leave.
“I don’t know yet, but I can’t stay here. Not at the Jedi academy.”
Zekk’s hands gripped her shoulders so tightly that Jaina wondered if she’d have bruises. The tension between them was almost unbearable. She could sense his inner torment and his need for healing … for understanding.
Jaina swallowed hard. Zekk was different, and she had no advice or wisdom to give that could help him. He would have to find his own path. She offered the one thing she had left to give him. “Wherever you go, whatever you decide to do … I’ll still be your friend, Zekk.”
He loosened his grip on her shoulders and smiled at her. A real smile, with real strength behind it. “I’d like that.” Then a mischievous glint flashed in his eyes. “You know, it’s been a long time since we went for a swim together. Of course, there aren’t any fountains handy, and no glowfish in the river, but …”
Jaina felt a surge of happiness and relief. “Race you to the water,” she said.
6
Several days later, from where he stood, Zekk could see no more than Jaina’s jumpsuited legs sticking out from beneath the navigational console in the cockpit of the Lightning Rod. The stained brown fabric of her comfortable uniform provided a subtle contrast to the tarnished metal plates and lubricant-smeared components scattered around the floor.
After delivering his bad news about Raynar’s missing father, Han Solo had departed, heading home to Coruscant. He and Chewbacca had promised to return as soon as they could.
In the meantime, Jaina had vowed to help old Peckhum fix his battered ship, which had been severely damaged during the Second Imperium’s attack. The past few days of working with old Peckhum, Jaina, Jacen, Lowie, and Tenel Ka were some of the happiest times Zekk could remember.
At first Zekk had felt guilty for taking the young Jedi trainees away from rebuilding the Great Temple—since all that horrendous damage had been his fault—but Master Skywalker himself had given his blessing to restoring the Lightning Rod to working condition.
“I can’t think of any team more competent to repair Peckhum’s ship,” Luke had said to them. “Leia is sending another crew of New Republic engineers, and I have plenty of students to work on the Great Temple in the meantime. Besides, I have a sense that getting this old shuttle in flying condition will turn out to be very important in ways you can’t imagine.”
As the companions tinkered not only with systems damaged in the Imperial attack, but with old components that should have been replaced years before, Zekk realized that the Jedi Master was right about the importance of fixing the Lightning Rod—collectively and personally. He found something healing about repairing the damage he had indirectly caused, something therapeutic about laboring with his friends, who did their best to accept him, despite occasional moments of awkwardness.
While both Zekk and Peckhum were competent mechanics, Jaina was absolutely in her element. She dove into the task with gleeful enthusiasm, checking the cargo ship’s hull integrity, pointing out blaster-damaged plates, running diagnostics, and issuing orders like a top-notch flight mechanic. Surprised and a bit amused, Peckhum let Jaina have free rein in directing the overall repair project of his cargo vessel. Seeing how masterful and confident she was, Zekk felt warm inside.
Now, Jaina’s muffled voice drifted out from under the navigational console as she wormed her way deeper into the tiny crawlspace. “Would someone please hand me some line clamps and the signal flux meter?” She waved a grimy hand, waiting for her tools.
Lowie, whose upper body was wedged into an overhead access hatch like some huge and awkward furry stowaway, responded with an unintelligible roar. Eager to help, Zekk retrieved Jaina’s instruments from the top of the cockpit panels.
With a murmured thank-you, Jaina thumped around underneath the navigation console. “There,” she said at last, “that ought to do it. Now try the hyperchart function again.”
Zekk flicked a few switches and pressed a button. A holographic map of several recommended hyperspace routes shimmered in front of him. “That’s got it,” he confirmed. “Seems to be working fine now.”
Jaina scrambled out from under the console. She shook back her straight brown hair and wiped her greasy palms on the front of her rumpled flight suit, leaving dark handprints on the brown fabric. “A few finishing touches, and this ship will be ready to fly again, better than ever.”
Zekk gave Jaina an uncertain smile as he offered her a hand so that she could stand up. “I can’t think of anyone I’d rather have beside me fixing this ship. I bet the Lightning Rod hasn’t been in such good shape since Peckhum first got her. Hard to believe you started with nothing more than this battered hulk and a pile of spare parts.”
Jaina bit her lower lip, and her cheeks flushed pink at the compliment. “It was all of us really, working together as a team … including you, Zekk.”
The young man nodded. He knew what she was hoping, but he couldn’t stay. He couldn’t change his mind. “I’ll be leaving as soon as we’re finished with the Lightning Rod,” he said.
“I know, I know,” Jaina said. “Have you decided yet where you’ll go once you leave Yavin AT
“I’ve got a lot of possibilities, I guess.” He shrugged. “I asked Peckhum if he’d give me a lift back to Coruscant. From there … who knows?”
Jaina looked away. “Whenever you finally decide what to do with your life, I hope it includes us.”
Zekk wasn’t sure what to say. He couldn’t make any promises at this point. He could no longer be certain of who he was or what he might become. The silence stretched like a taut wire between them.
“Come on,” Jaina said at last, breaking the tension and meeting his eyes, “let’s go help Jacen and Tenel Ka finish patching the outer hull.”
Two days later, his bags packed with a few meager possessions, Zekk stood with his old friend and companion Peckhum, saying his goodbyes to the young Jedi Knights before boarding the Lightning Rod.