A moment later I can see what she can see coming toward her, and I gasp so strongly, I nearly black out. No. I must be hallucinating. I can’t be seeing what I’m seeing. But the tall, loping figure is unmistakable.
It’s Bryce.
Bryce. Himself. Here. At the Wilderness County Fair.
My jaw sags as I watch him approach Suze. He’s as good-looking and burnished as ever, wearing cutoffs and flip-flops. He looks easy and relaxed, whereas Suze looks absolutely desperate. But she doesn’t look surprised to see him. Clearly this was all prearranged. But…what?
I mean, what?
How can Suze be meeting Bryce? How?
We’ve been chasing Bryce. We’ve been worrying about what Bryce was up to. We’ve been talking about Bryce, trying to get inside his mind, practically believing he was a serial killer. Was Suze in touch with him all along?
Inside, I’m whimpering with confusion. I want to cry out, Whaaaaat? Explain! I want to barge up and say, You can’t do this!
But all I can do is watch mutely as they have some kind of conversation I can’t hear. Suze’s arms are crossed protectively across her body and she’s talking in short, jabbing sentences, whereas Bryce looks as calm and laid-back as he always did. I half-expect to see him produce a volleyball and start bouncing it around.
At last they seem to come to some conclusion. Bryce gives a single nod, then puts a hand on Suze’s arm. She shakes it off with such ferocity that even I jump, and Bryce gives a shrug. He seems quite amused. Then he lopes away, through the crowd, and Suze is left alone.
She slumps down on a nearby decorative hay bale, her head bowed, looking so despairing that a couple of passersby give her mildly concerned looks. She’s in such a trance that I almost don’t dare disturb her. Something tells me she’s going to lash out at me even more viciously when she realizes I saw her with Bryce.
But I have to. This isn’t just about our friendship anymore. This is about everything.
I step forward resolutely, one foot in front of the other, and wait till she looks up. Her head jerks, and for a moment she looks like a cornered animal. Every muscle in her body is tense. Her eyes dart about frantically, as though to check whether anyone else is with me—then, as she accepts I’m alone, they gradually settle back on me.
“Suze…” I begin, but my voice comes out all husky and I don’t quite know where I’m going.
“Did you…” She swallows, as though she can’t bring herself to say it, and I nod.
“Suze—”
“Don’t.” She cuts me off, her voice trembling. Her eyes are bloodshot. She looks ill, I think suddenly. Ill with worry. And it’s not because she thinks Tarkie’s unsafe. It’s something else, something she’s been keeping from all of us.
For what seems like an age, we just look at each other, and it’s almost as if we’re having a silent conversation.
I wish you’d talked to me.
I do too.
Things have got pretty bad, haven’t they?
Yes.
So let’s sort it out.
I can see Suze’s defenses lowering, little by little. Her shoulders slowly drop. Her jaw relaxes. She meets my eye properly for the first time in ages, and I feel a horrible pang at how desperate she looks.
But there’s something else going on here. There’s a kind of shift in the balance between us. For as long as I can remember, I’ve been the one to get in scrapes and Suze has been the one to help me out of them. It’s just the way we are. Now, though, things feel reversed. I don’t know exactly what’s been going on—but I do know something: Suze is in a big old mess.
I have a zillion questions I want to fire at her, but I think she needs to calm down a bit first.
“C’mon,” I say. “I don’t care what time in the morning it is, we need a titchy.”
I lead her into the tequila-tasting tent, and she meekly follows, her face downcast. I order tequila shots and hand her one. Then I face her full-on, with a businesslike look, and say, “OK, Suze. You need to tell me everything. What’s up with you and Bryce?”
And of course, as soon as I see her face, I know.
I mean, I pretty much knew as soon as I saw him appear. But it’s seeing her face which drives a kind of dagger blow into my heart. “Suze, you didn’t.”
“No!” she says, as though I’ve scalded her. “Not completely…”
“What’s not completely?”
“I…we…” She looks around the bar. “Shall we find a better place to sit?”
“Suze. Just tell me.” There’s a lump in my throat. “Have you been unfaithful to Tarkie?”
I’m having a flashback to their wedding. Suze looked so radiant and beautiful. She and Tarkie were so hopeful and optimistic. We were all so hopeful and optimistic.
And, OK, Tarkie may be a bit weird at times. He may have odd taste in clothes. And music. And everything. But there’s no way he’d ever be unfaithful to Suze, no way. The thought of how hurt he’d be if he found out is bringing tears to my eyes.
“I…” Her hands flutter round her throat. “What counts as unfaithful? Kissing?”
“You only kissed?”
“Not exactly.”
“Did you—”
“No!” She hesitates. “Not exactly.”
There’s a pause, while my imagination gallops round several assorted scenarios.
“Did you feel unfaithful?”
There’s another long pause. And suddenly there are tears in Suze’s eyes too.
“Yes,” she says, with a wretched defiance. “Yes. I wanted to be. I’d had enough. Tarkie was so miserable, and everything was so difficult in England, and Bryce was all fresh and positive and…you know…”
“Sex-god-like.”
I can remember Suze and Bryce meeting for the first time and thinking that there was a spark between them. But never in a million years did I think…
It just goes to show: I’m not suspicious enough. That’s it. I’m never trusting anything again. I expect everyone’s having affairs with everyone else and I just haven’t noticed.
“Exactly,” Suze is saying. “He was so different. So confident about everything.”
“So when did you…” My mind is spooling back, trying to work it out. “I mean, you didn’t go to Golden Peace that much….Was it in the evenings?”
“Don’t ask me when!” Suze cries out in anguish. “Don’t ask me for dates and times and places! It was a mistake, OK! I realize that now. But it’s too late. He’s got me.”
“What do you mean, he’s got you?”
“He wants money,” says Suze flatly. “Lots of it.”
“You’re not giving it to him, are you?” I stare at her.
“What else can I do?”
“Suze! You mustn’t!” I feel almost faint with horror. “You mustn’t give him anything!”
“But he’ll tell Tarkie!” Tears start pouring down Suze’s face. “And my marriage will be over….The children…” She stares into her tequila glass. “Bex, I’ve screwed up my whole life and I don’t know what to do. I couldn’t tell anyone. I’ve been so lonely.”
I feel a tweak of hurt. Well, possibly indignation. Well, possibly anger.
“You could have told me,” I say, trying to sound calm, as opposed to hurt and indignant and angry. “You could always have confided in me, Suze.”
“No, I couldn’t! You and Luke have this perfect relationship. You would never have understood.”
What? How can she say that?
“We nearly split up in L.A.!” I retort in disbelief. “We had a terrible row and Luke went home to England and I didn’t know if he’d even come back. So I think I might have understood. If you’d given me a chance.”