“I don’t have a weapon right now,” I amend. “Not exactly on me. But when I do, I’ll come and get a holster.”
As I’m walking away, I wonder if I should quickly have shooting lessons and get a firearms license and buy a Gluck. Or do I mean Glock? Or a Smith and Whatsit. I don’t even know which the coolest one is. They should have Vogue for guns.
I head toward the next stall, where the skinny girl I noticed before is filling up her second basket.
“Hey,” she says pleasantly, glancing up at me. “These shawls are all fifty percent off.”
“Some are seventy-five percent off,” chimes in the stall owner. She has a graying braid with ribbons wound around it, which looks stunning. “I’m doing a big clear-out.”
“Wow.” I pick up one of the shawls and shake it out. It’s really soft wool, with beautiful embroidered birds, and is an amazing value.
“I’m getting two each for my mom and me,” the skinny girl says in chatty tones. “And you should check out the belts.” She gestures at a neighboring stall. “I’m, like, you can never have too many belts.”
“Totally,” I agree. “Belts are a staple.”
“Right?” She nods enthusiastically. “Can I have another basket?” she adds to the stall owner. “And do you take Amex?”
While the stall owner is getting out her credit-card machine, I pick up a couple of shawls. But it’s strange. Maybe I’m not in a shawl mood or something, because even though I can see how gorgeous they are, I don’t feel like buying them. It’s as if I’m looking at some trolley full of delicious desserts but I’ve lost my appetite.
So instead I head over to the belt stall and have a look at those.
I mean, they’re really well made. The buckles are nice and heavy, and they’re in some good colors. I can’t spot a single thing wrong with them. I just don’t feel like buying them. In fact, the thought makes me feel a bit ill. Which is weird.
The skinny girl has lined up five baskets of stuff and is scrabbling in her Michael Kors bag. “I was sure that credit card was OK,” she says fretfully. “Let me try another one…oh, shoot!” She drops her bag on the floor and bends down to pick up all her stuff. I’m about to help her, when I hear my name.
“Bex!” I turn to see Suze looking out the back door of the diner. “The food’s here—” She breaks off, and her eyes run along the row of five baskets. “Oh, that’s typical. You’ve been shopping. What else would you be doing?”
She sounds so censorious, I feel the color flood into my cheeks. But I just stare back silently. There’s no point saying anything. Suze is determined to find fault, whatever I do. She disappears back into the diner, and I breathe out.
“Come on, Minnie,” I say, trying to sound lighthearted. “We’d better get some breakfast. And you can even have a milkshake.”
“Milkshake!” exclaims Minnie joyfully. “From a cow,” she tells me. “A chocolate cow?”
“No, it’s a strawberry cow today,” I tell her, tickling her under the chin.
OK. So I know we’re going to have to put Minnie straight about cows one day, but I can’t bear to just yet. It’s so sweet. She honestly thinks there are chocolate cows and vanilla cows and strawberry cows.
“It’s a very yummy strawberry cow,” comes Luke’s voice, and I look up to see him coming out of the diner. “Food’s ready.” He winks at me.
“Thanks. We’re coming.”
“Swing time?” asks Minnie, screwing up her face in hope, and Luke laughs.
“Come on then, sausage.”
For a few minutes we walk around, swinging Minnie between our arms.
“How’s tricks?” Luke asks me over Minnie’s head. “You’ve been pretty quiet in the RV.”
“Oh,” I say, disconcerted that he’s even noticed. “Well, I’ve just been, you know. Thinking.”
This isn’t quite true. I’m quiet because I don’t have anyone to talk to. Suze and Alicia are in their little twosome; Mum and Janice are in their little twosome. All I have is Minnie, and she’s been glued to Enchanted on the iPad.
I mean, I’ve tried. As we left L.A., I sat down with Suze and made to give her a hug, but she went all stiff and cut me dead. I felt so stupid, I scuttled back to my seat and pretended to be interested in the landscape.
But I won’t go into any of that right now. I’m not going to burden Luke with my problems. He’s been such a star—the least I can do is refrain from dumping my stupid worries on him. I’ll be dignified and discreet, as a wife should be. “Thank you for coming,” I add. “Thank you for doing this. I know you’re really busy.”
“I wasn’t about to let you drive off into the desert with Suze on your own.” He gives a short laugh.
It was Suze’s idea to rush off to Vegas—she and Alicia were both convinced they’d soon track down Bryce. But they haven’t yet, and here we are, halfway there, without a hotel reservation or a plan or anything….
I mean, believe me, I’m all for rushing off to places. But even I can see this is all a bit crazy. Except I don’t want to be the one to say that, or I’ll get my head bitten off by Suze. At the thought of Suze, I feel a fresh wave of distress, and suddenly I can’t bottle it up any longer. I’ll have to be dignified and discreet another time.
“Luke, I think I’m losing her,” I say in a rush. “She never looks at me, she never talks to me….”
“Who, Suze?” Luke gives a little wince. “I’d noticed.”
“I can’t lose Suze.” My voice starts to wobble. “I can’t. She’s my three-A.M. friend!”
“Your what?” Luke looks puzzled.
“You know. The friend you could ring up at three A.M. if you were in trouble, and she’d come straightaway, no problem? Like, Janice is Mum’s three-A.M. friend; Gary’s your three-A.M. friend….”
“Right. I see what you mean.” Luke nods.
Gary is the most loyal guy in the world. And he adores Luke. He’d be there at three A.M. like a shot, and Luke would be there for him too. I always thought Suze and I would be like that forever.
“If I was in trouble at three A.M. right now, I’m not sure I could ring Suze.” I look miserably at Luke. “I think she’d tell me to go away.”
“That’s nonsense,” says Luke robustly. “Suze loves you as much as she ever did.”
“She doesn’t.” I shake my head. “I mean, I don’t blame her or anything; this whole thing’s all my fault….”
“No, it’s not,” says Luke, with a surprised laugh. “What are you talking about?”
I stare at him in bewilderment. How can he even ask that?
“Of course it is! If I’d gone to see Brent sooner, like I was meant to, we wouldn’t be here.”
“Becky, this is not all your fault,” Luke counters firmly. “You don’t know what would have happened if you’d gone to see Brent sooner. And by the way, both Tarquin and your father are grown men. You mustn’t blame yourself. OK?”
I can hear what he’s saying, but he’s wrong. He doesn’t understand.
“Well, anyway.” I give a gusty sigh. “Suze is only interested in Alicia.”
“You realize that Alicia’s trying to psych you out,” says Luke, and he sounds so sure that I lift my head in astonishment.
“Really?”
“It’s obvious. She talks a lot of shit, that girl. ‘Redactive’ isn’t a word.”
“Really?” I feel suddenly cheered. “I thought I was just being stupid.”
“Stupid? You’re never stupid.” Luke lets go of Minnie’s hand, pulls me close, and looks right into my eyes. “Abysmal at parking, maybe. But never stupid. Becky, don’t let that witch get to you.”