Jim: Wow. I didn’t know you were going through so much, Judd.
Judd: Here’s something: Jim, you make sweet love to my wife, Leslie Mann, in the movie I Love You Phillip Morris.
Jim: We go at it! We go at it like bandits. Like bandits! My God, my forehead was bleeding from the headboard.
Ben: Now, what was that like?
Jim: It was insane. Unbelievable. I dislocated her hip.
Judd: I don’t mind when it’s friends! Between friends, it’s okay. The only person that bothered me was Owen Wilson.
Jim: Well, of course. Because you figure, like, that could be something real.
Judd: I just want to be apologized to before you do it—like, “Sorry, Judd, it’s the job.” But Owen was just like, “Hi, Judd.” Then just did it. Anyway, Jim, was this the weirdest character you’ve played? Or Ace Ventura? Like, what’s the top three weirdest Jim Carrey characters?
Jim: I don’t know. I don’t think they’ve happened yet. But yeah, Ace was definitely an out-there character. And suddenly I got this big paycheck and stuff, and I didn’t know what to do with myself. My first terror went through me—Oh my God, you’re getting paid a lot of money, you’re gonna get safe—and so my reaction is always to do something outrageous.
Ben: Well, it worked well for you until this movie.
Jim: Till I started chasing penguins around and kissing up to the public. No, this movie rocks! I don’t care what anybody says. I don’t care what the masses say. This movie is dear to me.
Judd: How do you feel about the movies you’ve made since then, about your canon?
Jim: It won’t be complete, Judd, until you do your best work with me. Seriously, we have to reteam. It has to happen. I mean, honestly. I think the world is ready for this.
Ben: They’re clamouring for Cable Guy 2.
Judd: That would be awesome.
Ben: This time we’ll have a hundred-million-dollar budget.
Jim: And I should get paid fifty of the hundred million! That would be amazing.
Judd: For all the film students out there—are they learning anything about film right now, listening to this?
Ben: I never know if these things are supposed to be entertaining or informative.
Jim: I don’t know what they’re supposed to be.
Judd: This is your first commentary.
Jim: I feel so virginal right now.
Judd: I kinda feel like you should do some impressions, since we’re on audio now.
(Jim does an impression.)
Judd: Now do your Clint Eastwood face!
Ben: Come on, dude. I was just watching that on YouTube. There is this incredible YouTube video of you doing all the impressions, from the early days—
Jim: Well, yeah, I was on the Johnny Carson show. Remember him?
Judd: You were on with Johnny? Did you meet Johnny Carson, or—
Jim: I was on twice with Johnny. He was awesome, man! I loved him. He was on something, for sure, but—
Judd: He had questionable years of sobriety.
Jim: I don’t know what he was doing, but he had energy to burn. It was crazy. Between commercials he’d just be looking at you out of the corner of his eye and drumming with the pencils or something and going (giggles manically, sniffs). Just, like, going like the hounds of hell. He was like a child. A man-child.
Judd: I remember Ben and I being somewhat shocked at your energy level, too. Take after take after take—it literally threw me as a person that it was possible.
Jim: I’m a desperate human being.
Judd: Do you feel like you’re needier now or then?
Jim: I’m definitely in more pain now than I was.
Ben: Me too! I’ll join you there.
Judd: Does success bring about peace and calm, or more pain?
Jim: When you start to realize that peace and calm are not actually gonna help you in the business—that they’ll actually be bad for you—that’s when the real divide happens. When you go, Oh, I could work towards peace, I could find bliss, but I won’t have a career. It’s all about abandonment, it’s all about need, it’s all about worthlessness. If I remain worthless in my own mind, I will be the king of show business.
Ben: The building blocks of success.
Judd: I remember John Cleese—he knows he’s not as funny anymore, but he says he doesn’t care because he’s happier now. But I have to say, he seems pretty pissed lately and he’s been pretty funny. He got divorced recently.
Jim: Oh yeah, there you go.
Ben: Pain and humor go together.
Ben: There’s David Cross! Left side of the frame.
Jim: David Cross! We love David Cross. How many people were in this movie? We started the industry!
Judd: Sometimes when I watch this movie—I always thought it was going to be some kind of wild roller-coaster ride that’d also be, like, super-fun and delightful. But then, it has true madness in it.
Ben: I think it was a roller-coaster ride, it’s just that it was going down the whole time. The big drop.
Jim: I disagree. I think it’s sublime.
Ben: No, but it’s a fun drop.
Judd: I remember when Jim said at the end of the movie, “I have to die. I need to jump off the tower and die.”
Jim: Yeah.
Ben: Well, you should have died, that’s the thing.
Jim: I really should have. When you go halfway, it never works.
Ben: That’s my fault. I take responsibility.
Judd: They weren’t going to let us kill you.
Jim: People don’t understand, truly, how warped you are, Ben. They haven’t even scratched the surface. Your iceberg is large under sea level there.
Judd: Ben, this was the second movie you directed, after Reality Bites, but did you feel like, Oh, I’m not getting as much acting work at this time, so that’s why I’m gonna direct? Or—how do you decide how much acting to do? It takes so long to direct.
Ben: Well, this was a weird period in time. I sort of had a career as an actor but not really—
Jim: (Pretends to wake up from snoring) Sorry, guys!
Ben: Let’s go back to the beginning—when I was about fifteen I played with the idea of becoming an actor.
Jim: You didn’t direct for quite some time after Cable Guy, did you?
Ben: Well, nobody was banging down the door. Let’s call it—basically I got a new agent. And he said, “Okay, you can’t do anything for about six months.”
Jim: Hide under the porch.
Ben: And then we’ll see where we’re at. It’s so obvious in show business. When a movie doesn’t make a lot of money, people don’t call.
Judd: But then you did Zero Effect, and then right into Something About Mary?
Ben: I did—after this, I did Zero Effect, Something About Mary, Permanent Midnight, and Friends and Neighbors. I could keep going, Jim—
Jim: No, I’m loving it.
Judd: But I remember when you got Something About Mary, that was big, because your star had not risen—
Ben: It was a break. Huge. The Farrelly Brothers gave me a chance because they liked Flirting with Disaster.
Jim: Which is one of the classic comedies of all time, by the way. That was a genius movie.