In fact, even though I made then a huge step towards my release, I was still a slave to my mind, imagination, and psyche, which was the real reason for deleting that note. And so, many years later, I am writing this book, which I am going to publish for the whole world, and not for a limited number of friends…
Another change was that I was finally able to not only once and for all leave the groups of movies and TV shows in English, but also deleted everything that I uploaded there myself, since I did not want to have anything to do with piracy and copyright infringement of others of people.
Needless to say, such a course of events did not appeal to all people. The group creator, who was always friendly to me, decided to call me an “idiot” because I deleted my videos before removing me from his friends. And he was partially right, but he was mistaken in one thing – I was an idiot for having connected the year of my life with these groups, but now I know that events simply could not have developed differently… but more on that later.
Another woman removed me from her friends, saying that she considered me an interesting person. But the question arises – what had changed in my “interest-ness” if I just deleted a few hundred, maybe thousand, videos? I realized my mistake, accepted it, and tried to reduce the damage. Is self-improvement not something interesting? And in everything else, I remained almost the same person that I was at that time.
In the group itself there appeared those people who before that did not dare to swear, as I tried to keep order, and now they had a chance to express everything that they thought about me. But, fortunately, there were those people who supported me, and some of them remain in the list of my friends till this day. Someone might say that in the end I just got rid of the weeds.
All year I tried to be noticeable in VK. I think I did not want to be alone. But then came the realization that the monitor screen cannot replace the real feelings of real life. I began to visit VK less often and I was alone once again. But then I was alone all that year, I just could not see it…
It is worth saying that I also received other messages in dreams telling me to work.
I will also mention that many years later I decided to remove absolutely all pirated programs from my computer, and now I have either purchased or free programs installed.
I have long noticed that my life was periodic, and my note could be the starting point of a new period in my life. I then once again became concentrated on the real world, and began to wake up in a happy state of mind… then I realized again how easy it was to live in the present, and that it took almost no effort – it does not matter how much you are “lost” in yourself; if you have the knowledge, then you can choose to focus on reality when you want it – ideally always, unless otherwise required from you. But then this simplicity raised a question in my head that would pop up more than once in the coming years – why could not I make this simple decision before I lost my health and began to lose lots of hair because of my stupid actions? After that question self-hatred would follow, followed by thoughts about the past and what could have happened, so that those thoughts could then mix with fantasies.
Chapter 6. The Search for Self
I was glad that I found the truth about life, but along with clarifying the secrets of the Universe, other realities of my being became clear. One of them was that it became even more difficult for me to find a girlfriend, because now the girl not only had to be not against my appearance, but she also had to be at least not against my knowledge. This awareness could not but strengthen my feeling of loneliness and depression. Sometimes I thought that I did not want to ruin a potential girlfriend's life with myself.
Thao said that new generations on Earth are approaching a turning point and are undergoing a process of self-examination, and they feel even more lonely than other generations before them. She mentioned that if we want to “elevate” ourselves we need to first meditate and then concentrate. Thao said that people often confuse the two terms. I assumed then that my “meditation” on breathing and surrounding sounds was actually a concentration, and meditation was the very state when your mind is relaxed and focused on nothing – you are simply here and now – a state of consciousness similar to that which I experienced that morning when I saw Auras.
The knowledge about reincarnation also had a temporary negative effect on the desire to look for a girlfriend, because for some time I could not get rid of the thought – what if I found a girl who was a guy in a past life, or maybe even my parent in another life? When watching adult videos on the Internet, I also could not help but think that all these girls could have been males in their past lives. I also remembered Universal Law about mistakes and realized that so many porn actresses would be punished for their decisions in the future by it. Perhaps they will feel the effects of the porn industry on themselves in this life, and maybe one of their next lives will pass in loneliness, when no one will “want” them because many people will not consider their new bodies beautiful and desirable.
As usual, even though I was beginning to understand some of the truths of life, I could not come to terms with my stupid decisions which almost confined me to bed.
I tried again to stop masturbating and watching porn, but there was one very beautiful porn actress with blonde hair who haunted me. At one time, that small-breasted Budapest beauty was one of my favorite porn actresses. Even when I finally went outside, I still could not help but think about what she was doing in her rare “hardcore” videos, or in her only “session” with two guys who, to little surprise, were pretty and with hair.
Then, walking along the boulevard, I knew that there was significantly less hair on my head. To alleviate my mental suffering, I tried to remember about my knowledge and that this is not the last life.
From time to time I thought about hermitage, but then I realized again that I did not want to be alone, however paradoxical it was, given my life situation.
Sitting at home in the Internet, I often visited the Thiaoouba Prophecy XP group on Facebook. I then shared my thoughts about some aspects of the book and offered my ideas and possible explanations of some things that were mentioned in the books, but their topic was not fully disclosed, since otherwise Thiaooubians would have hand-fed us and would have been punished for this mistake. After some time, I and another member of that group were invited to become administrators. As for me, the creator of the group and another admin wrote that they liked what I wrote and how I wrote it. I agreed. Having administrative experience behind me, I knew what to do and I was in my element.
From time to time I looked at Martian photographs taken by the rovers from the surface of the planet. I was just interested in looking at another planet, and I was not looking for anything special. Usually I enlarged the photos to the maximum to better see the stones of another planet. Soon I began to notice “stones” the outlines of which I had already seen before in other pictures. Verification confirmed this – Spirit, NASA's Mars rover, captured indisputable evidence that there was life on Mars![4]
Those objects were round with a central deepening. Troughs went to the edge of the object from the outer edge of that deepening. It was evident that the height of the resulting “ridges” decreased from the edge of the central deepening to the edge of the object. I called those objects “gears” because they reminded me of spur bevel gears.
These gears were not the only objects that in their appearance showed that they could not be “simple rocks”, as someone might say. The shapes that the objects in the above image have could not have been geologically created.